bliv

2007-04-17T10:31:00.001+10:00

i've moved
http://self-lives.blogspot.com

2007-03-31T17:35:00.000+10:00

when u know hw wonderful life is..

u see it frm ur memories :)

plane emo how i wish deep moment acceptance till when

4 hrs sleep greetings cheery2 violet spring days like new

end~

note

2007-03-31T17:13:00.000+10:00

author
as i browse thru looking at each entry, i can literally just cry.. the times i spent with bliv is really amazing.. used to be so naive. grwing up to tis stage nw, i feel so diff.. life i'd gone thru, the feelings i shared is really ineffable..

the once pasttime has now come to a close.. just want to thank everyone who has given me the opportunity to flow wise in it, by reading them. the support will never be forgotten.

motive behind tis is nt to agonise myself.. it is to renew. if there is really a chance i'd revive the art, it'd be an annual later. i'll miss this.

april fool won't be a joke here. i officially close bliv' on 1/4/07.

25'3

2007-03-29T21:33:00.000+10:00

bit bored.. so im adding up a bit :)
i was browsing thru gigi's blog, when i came across both gigi & her bro taking photos. topic was happy b'day~
i was thinking gigi might have been celebrating for her bro. w/o going thru the pea of my brain, i jst realised tt gigi & keith are twins. they're born on the sme day that's y!

as a disappointing fan, i forgot her b'day! sigh.. least get to see them cheer.

trivia: yes.. my name keith comes frm her bro
(laugh ppl.. laugh.. hah)

03'7

2007-03-29T03:08:00.000+10:00

Gee~! (happy b'day 25/3)

maybe nt..
putting a stop to any will doesn't mean u'll do a break.
so far as i knw, i've been gd in stopping tngs..

it just puts u to a stop. u wudn't go anywre.
blogging really is my only past tme. i've none mch less other.
esp when the easter is coming. cudn't 'stop' tngs i love doing..

maybe its really tme i shud 'move on'.. when i say this, i mean
living life a lil' more sensible. enjoy it..
past can be detrimental.. but all u ever do nw is present.
& stop putting stops to anythn.

med is really challenging. tts all i can say. it drives my interest readily.. as far as i knw.. i love it. the reason y i'd put it 1sthand is cz i wnt to help. nt just tt, i wnt to 'try' to dwell into it, so i knw wre my life leads.. "house" renews the interest readily.. its a week tng to keep me motivated.. the 'know all' phenomena.

going thru a few tngs.. tt can be interesting :)
its mei and our 2nd yr annv wch turned its toll jst a few days ago: 25th. annv is nt used for frenships bt.. it is for unique cases. evrytng's so positive, same date as gee's b'day.. tts why i like it.

do u ever realise ys is qte similar to angelene? i added ys knowing tt. besides the notion they're committed, it adds sme element to ur view as to the lives led among by them. all i wnted was to maintain frens, nt to jst cling tse tt suit.

lizzy is similar to pascl. i didnt add pascl knowing tt.. bt they're interestingly active. & i'd never ever dare to reason the cause to leptin or estrogen.. jst tght it might be a strong prospect. oopsy.

sizzler is the only place i cherish being with 2 very good frens. in fact, 2 best frens in aus. times cherish really eating all tse salad bars.. in fact, i saw a samoy arnd uni & its really damn gorgeous. tt makes me smile n move on..

i lost my wallet thrice so far here, in all occasions finding it bck agn.
my ipod rules but its prev two earplugs had defects on one side (left).

my internet quota 'just' ran out whilst typing this post. as i can see the words below.. could not connect to blogger.com. may have to publish it in uni tomrw.

interesting? :)
then see you soon..

11'7

2007-03-27T14:04:00.000+10:00

i told u.. tis song is last resort. found in imeem. cheer again.
this song is fantasy...

need love.. to heal my heart. will i still blog?.. 've been busy.. its so 'unused' not to blog.. wnt to jst leave evrytng aside..

've been fine.
jst wnt to conc on my work..

tnx ppl.. u knw who u are..
beg to think as if im tt pitious.. laugh my arse out.

seriously.. im done here. live life..

bliv

2007-03-17T23:01:00.000+10:00

:__(
finally.. solved.. case three: angelene solved

my heart urged so badly.. finally :__
its so mch worse than lizzy.. took 1.5 yrs of suffering..

pathetic.. im so pathetic. bt finally relieved..
so different.. we're totally unlinkable..

need a break..
let cheer ente'tein all of u..

wont be back for long...

謝你

2007-03-02T11:46:00.000+10:00

i've changed.. live on.

1st . 2nd . 3rd . 4th .

nab

2007-02-24T23:14:00.000+10:00

i need a break-

i never realised u lived on.. so never realise im still killing myself.. just found ur space.. aft all this past year.. u'll never realise me..still living in fear.. instability.. revulsion ..kills me... i so hate u.. for wt uve done.. and u'll never knw...for mine..wt uve done to make me this way.. u'd nver understand.. u'll never understand...

i'm a pathetic arse.. i knw. plse.. i beg u. plse.. cnt we at least talk?.. im really begging.. plse angelene..

trust me guys.. i knw wt im doing.. just trust me

lene

2007-02-24T09:18:00.000+10:00

yan ni..
why cnt u just come by.. after all tis mnths..

smetmes i tght to myself.. y life has always been like.. since the day we met & the day i left.. i cudn help mch but to strive on.. as if tngs are to be left behind.. to be ignored.. u just kept stalling.. as if u really dun bother at all..

over the days of storm, i endured. i strived. strive to think im jst nothn b4 you.. nt even for the mst ridiculous case anyone'd expect then.. id leave.

i tried to confess the issue.. u nver gave me the chnce. the hardship i so faced w/o my family.. the urge to give up on sincerity.. suppose to be instilled upon us. i tried too hard then, you hurt me. i came bck. i cudnt face you. i tried 4 the last, you gave it away.. i fell.. so deeply... i cudn't help to forgive.. do u even care?

ur smiley 'hi's mean nothn to me.. they tell nothn.. my pathetic ignorances mean nothn either. its my heart condition.. jst cudn't help.. then u say.. y the point of me saying aft all tis tme relentlessly mourning abt.. trying hard to keep you away.. smetmes trying to get to u. i wnt to end this.. this guilt..
why wn't you just come by...

2007-02-14T18:11:00.000+10:00

...

fable

2007-02-10T11:22:00.000+10:00

do u knw he only eats honey..
yea honey.. just liquid honey, nothing solid. hah..

and if no one forbids *whether u hugged him or nt*
he also likes it.. lol.

(8 hrs after)
oh wire.. i ruled it! i made it to the city. my last record was just to toowong.. :) its abt 6.2 km.. the figure may be small bt hey.. its a long jog. i may assume its frm gadong to ubd? lol maybe nt..

i'm taking a break. i cudn't remember the last time i exercised my serotonin levels.. i needed fitness. fuff.. and by the grocery store, fruits are so worth nowadays. i bought pectin for 3 per kg? bananas used to be 11 per kg. nw its just 2 per kg. and i bought a bunch of antho.

btw.. pectin = apples. anthocyanins = grapes, for those of you who seem.. senseless.

my mind had been in wonders once today. i was thinking of singapore.. oh.. nt tt country again. bt hey.. the best memories of sg was when i was a kid. hmm.. sentosa.. i love the shops.. quite decorative.. lively in sme sense esp during christmas. thinking of hols so soon... :p

i renewed my lease for another yr. i have reasons doing so. cz i wudn't want to miss living in tt place. i admire the winter sceneries just frm out of the window to the backyard. it blooms during winter. and the main reason is cz.. this is wer i recuperated. hmm.. thanks god.

rite.. i'm a daily blogger nw.. and its getting lame.. haven decide the next song. three songs tt i've always wished to put it online..
BoA- goodbye
cheer- fabulous adventure
gigi- a song frm self belongings album

BoA's make a secret is cocky and seductive. wtever! i just wnt smethn catchy.. with the flow. cheer and gigi's hadn't been put on. boa's goodbye i'm sure you all've heard it..

rite. time to recuperate.. nt a good word. time to take a rest..

綺貞

2007-02-07T22:00:00.000+10:00

lets just say.. i'm subjected to slight acute monotony. check the thesaurus.. and u'll find ur way.

boredom + excitement = life.
oh.. boredom! nt the same song over again.. let it be cheer 綺貞..
i still love life.. =)

why?

2007-02-06T13:48:00.000+10:00

i was in the lib.. at a corner.. when i suddenly noticed.. i glanced.. the sideview gave me an apparent jerk. strght i reacted.. nt being able to control.. heartrush.. anxiety.. revulsion..

its hw it used to be and always was.. i walked past, thinking hw she'd think of me. her hair.. her chin.. her slight back curvature.. were all reminiscent. it's gotta be... after using up the prints, i gt back.. she went to print.. then i bravely decided, i'd confront. i just wnted to make sure...

i gt there. she was still she. until i went up and prmpted a gesture. she turned ard n...

smehw i'd never understnd.. why sme things can still give a huge reaction aft such a long time.. especially tngs to do with forgiveness.. the endpoint is even tngs tt seem to look alike..

when will we ever resolve...

life as..

2007-02-05T18:51:00.000+10:00

life as it is..
i knw its cranking up in everyones' minds nw and its only the beginning.. seriously there's no use boasting as if u ought to complain at all but its all cranking up.. tiring.. bt wow.. this course is really getting my file up to 8cm thick jst in three weeks. hw long will it go on to?

i'm so enjoying at tis moment despite the fact. this is cz its fun. exciting. and of cz. just haf to make use of tis opportunity. ey.. i think everythn seems to be integrated tis tme. pathology, anatomy, physiology, pharmacology.. all is cool. trust me. all is..

when life as you say rocks at one end.. on the other, i happened to witness one of the most ridiculous human physiological responses depicted by anyone at all.. i really feel -_- .. life as you say.. which happens to be one of my good frens who just cudn''t see anythn in life besides ...

cranking up in my mind also is smethn called 'the craving to feel'.. smewt i feel as if.. well.. let's just say for anything.. wtever which would circumstantially pass by my tght tt i just cudn't help to control. i'll just let it be. let's just say again.. i'm taking life as the day passes.. i have the right to choose it. and i just want it good.

i'm cranking up.. enjoying at the same tme. anthocyanins today cost only a gold coin for a handful.. and im picking up bits one by one and putting them in my mouth hoping to bring further benefit to my biological system with whole lots of antioxidants. hmm.. chinese new year. i have been thinking.. well maybe i shall at least have a dinner out. =)

this month (feb) is on BoA. for evry mnth, i will put to play two songs.
the next song is...

soup'music

2007-01-28T21:00:00.000+10:00

see.. i told u i've practically got nothing to do.. i tght cooking is my real ambition and on sunday, its gonna be... long bean with prawn & mushroom, rib soup with melon n dates, chicken parcel with a small serving of coriander -_- ...

i'm bored.. told sharon to rate already.. practically none escape for her. lol. plse click on the thumbnail to expand if ur eyes aren't close enuf to seeing the real picture.. :)

music added is one of my most fav songs. whenever i play it, i think of... well actually reminded me of past tenses. in the past, i always play this song. reminiscing a few ones, who've impacted my life.. this song is still fav enuf to listen to.. its a beautiful song..

bore

2007-01-27T11:35:00.001+10:00

i obviously got nothing to do.. so bore me!
firstly, i dislike this weather.. its scorching hot`

second, i love aus day.. when u carry a damn heavy lappy to the lib and u swore u'd read it somewhere.. public holidays - 9am to 5pm. its so darn lifeless behind the door..

third, i so love how my life is arranged. thats why nw i'm stuck in this desert accompanied by books.. desert.. books.. mre books.. desert.. hot sun.. sweat.. zzz.. books..

fourth, i wish it is winter right nw..
fifth, why am i always complaining the weather?
sixth, more books..

seven, at least i got something else to do.. let me promise u a mail tomrw.. smethn to rely on.. nt as a sub for boredom.. but as a life-essential companion.. =)

p.s. i forgot to add.. i adore chicken soup with an add of celery in this hot day.. cool.. cooll down... -_-

life so

2007-01-23T22:50:00.000+10:00

life so far~
cn't say its far. i've just been here 2 days since.
currently, bit of flu. still settling. waiting for time to get the hse tidied. happenings, to sum them in notes..

- just cme back frm diner in sunnybank. takyan, cecilia n a fren. a jap rest, unagi/eel was half-priced. nice feel to be invited for gather aft come back.

- weather: hot, lack of fluids gether ruled me with a runny nose. bit unwell.
- med school is tremendous. busy is the all popular word to describe it in orientation. neverending torture or enjoyment? suit yourself.

- business class. ruled 4 comfort. china girl sat beside. in nz studying comm. china is building up gd impression in my mind.. as for hk, unlike s.
- change of hsemates. the couple left. a 17 yr old cauc girl becmes a slacker next door. wt life..

- awaiting challenges.. awaiting the rite tme to go bck.
awaiting...

delay

2007-01-20T18:40:00.000+10:00

delay (rev)
let me share u a joke ppl.. one which'd make u think laughter is nt all the rite word for any joke.

on any normal flight day, u haf tis one wit who's supposed to board a plane, fly off and enjoy nonetheless, with no implication at all until u actually stepfoot on solid ground. but tis one is nt a story abt a post take-off.. its a story of a no take-off.

nothing can beat anticipation as the word of the day for tis lad.. excitement.. anticipation.. harmony.. i knw its just a normal departure.. bt u shud knw wt its like wen u're abt to take off, shn't you? esp aft all tse relentless tasks of having to complete pepworks just to make it on time.. yes! finally u get to fly off b4 the set date and who knws.. wt can happen on one fine day..

jubilantly he tght wt courtesy. all his frens came to send him off. he cud imagine a scenario after check-in.. in an airport rest with culinaries on the table, smiles n chats arnd a fam-fren gather.. with nothn else suckd but just tme to kill. he cud imagine waves as he went on to enter the terminal.. fly off.. gadgets to play, meals to dwell upon.. n on a soothy nite of arrival, as all his other 11 mates gather: yes! yes! we finally arrivd as one. and nt to mention a solemn nite of taxi ride with sharon back to our birdhole and all the usual sweet tghts. who knows.. wt can happen?

i missed the flight. my visa was unable to get thru due to recent renewal of passport. all is well in an airport, except for a counter who had to close the booth just for me. the new biodata is telefaxd, reply is sorted but one is diff.. the end result. the delay ruled me out of seats. i was given $200 for compensation, upgraded to business class just to fly the next day and arrive on the morning of orientation.

haha.. wt life.. i almost fell literally when i heard the news. i wonder if its a good or bad thng.. its nt even their fault and i earned bucks of ipod potential. i missed informing aus abt tis and wud i blame sharon 4 enquiring abt tyng's commotion with a similar sit, just only to get a reply of being 'kaypo'. life..

i bid my frens goodbye and i doubt they'd send me off again.. :p hw cool is it when they actually prayed so tt i won't go tonite.. =s and my mom wud simmer sea cucumbers on tme as it wasn't ready the day b4. 'good also u dun go today.. worth it!' and with sme other positive remarks frm fren parents, 'good ah.. u can sleep so sound in flight.. business class.. no worry.' and u knw hw much i actually love my life.. :)

erika

2007-01-19T16:25:00.000+10:00

i tght i really wnted to include a post on tis. yest, me and one fren, who's my usual company for horror flicks, decided to hit the movies. i yearned for erika's ghost tunnel & on such a lucky day i got it on as a premiere's show. erika was outstanding in '1 litre of tears' n i tght it's gnna be cool if she acted in a horror movie. it is..

the movie is nt just a horror movie in itself. it has a real good flow, anticipating plot n a different suspense, story which keeps u watching on.. she's cute, no wonder having to act in 2 other movs the same yr.

life rev:
ys.. be positive. u can do it.. wow.. i din knw pillbo is having a mind-trembling episode. wt has cupid done?? haha.. anyone else? mei did u receive anythn? i knw sme ppl has been away fr sme reasons. tina is gone.. -_-ll

i'm flying tomorw on sat 1pm. arriving at 9.45pm.. orientation starts on mon. tis tme we got thru to class early unlike last batch. well.. hope i will haf a good tme in class. im sure i will strt buying gadgets of biological life. nw its my turn.

a stethoscope.. ;)

yy

2007-01-17T16:07:00.000+10:00

decided to add another link.. found tis blog interesting.. a lot advent. smehw tis dys often discover b'neian blogs by acc.. link
tis one broadens the view abt life =)

rev

2007-01-15T22:48:00.000+10:00

review on my life.. =)
hw long haf i been off.. 3 weeks.. hw long will i be here.. one. 22nd is orientation day.. and admit im a bit mixed here ter. anxiety one, pondering tmes two. can i be called a medical student nw. and.. tnx to my frens who're keeping me so bz tt i've just been living harmony here . i smile aft grad.. nw i will anticipate wt's for tme to come..

BoA- Made in Twenty, Gigi- Love song to myself. I am gnna own the 2 albums.. man.. so long it has been. if i can regain the grip of blogging.. once ppl asked me wt a life i had.. nw tey see wt i'm having.. i'd never want to tell.. it's all in here. living.. living the most. it's all the tmes. full of cherish, wonders, pitfalls, sails.. no regrets :) only wnting to look wt's ter on..

smetmes i'd drift away.. smiling.. 3x i felt, 2x i sought. u'd knw.. why the 3 is there.. and y the 2 was always wt i wnna seek. tis is cz of life.. hw life has been simple. good. joyful. hw cud life be thru'ed with love? no. it's abt all.. nt just mere blind love. bt ur life as well..

haf u ever looked thru the clouds. 2 pieces forming.. do u even stnd to think the clouds are moving in the sky? haf u ever felt once for ur breathe.. the music of ur fav song is playing.. trees willowing and shearing.. chicken steamed.. ppl laughters.. ppl flicted.. a ring swooped onto the finger. wt a wonder.. wt life has in tis world.. :)

ciao~

folks

2006-12-26T22:43:00.000+10:00

folks (rev)
nt sure wt prompt me to write tis.. sme feel.. rite nw wer i am.. wer life seems to be streaming along well, i hanged onto a thght.. tis day is nt just abt me.. the thngs i have.. frens.. education degree.. a well-health mind & body, good personal build self.. all these wont have cme without them.. just want to share my inner feels & tghts.

wen u look back, u'll realise.. personally, i love a good studded environment.. anywer, i 'd happen to despise all -ves.. i will just go for living good.. being good.. even my social network makes up ppl who are well-attributed.. i despise anger, pred, nuisance, slacks, out-of-tracks, ruins & happen to follow all the good examples tt was marked deep in me smehw, smetme b4..

wonder who gave them to me. 'eat more veges, they help ur bowel.. eat more fish, they're good for ur brain..', 'you see.. tat doctor is well-respected, study hard for good..', 'dun follow tis.. be humble..', 'do tis.. dun do tt..' it goes on as if u can remember all of them bt in fact u can..

soon as a child, ur attribute surface.. if u're a good boy, u listen.. if u're a bad girl, u don't.. tt makes the diff wen u grw up to learn frm either way.. regardless, u cont life.. u exp the least.. then finally decide.. wts for you then..

haf u ever remembered the tmes when you..
- kept asking your dad for money which he gave without any complains..
- rebelled against ur mom for every advice she tried to nag abt..
- brought unjust to the family.. despite they being positive, orienting smiles & enduring explanations to bring you bck..
- received the joy they offered you unlimitedly..

i never regretted every single advice they offered me.. in fact, i shud be blessed to have such parents who took so much tme & concern just to bring us up.. we shud recog our parents for their roles and knw tt smetmes being a parent is nt such an easy task at all..

things wud indeed change frm the past.. owning a present life wer everythn seems good enuf, think who brought u here.. or r u concern of being with ur old folks, anticipating so much of a private life of ur own.. think of it.. & u'll knw wt u're made up of.

8--keith--8

x'mas

2006-12-25T12:33:00.000+10:00

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special...

I kept my distance.. bt you still catch my eye
with the note saying 'I love you. i meant it.'
now i knw what a fool i've been...
(what a song.. i always feel diff when i listen to tis..)

Merry Christmas everyone`
this is when the reindeers come jingling and snowflakes whispering arnd the air. which is the exact sme opp happening now in aus :d. church shud be celeb x'mas but i missed the eve mass. was too tired aft i got back frm miri in the evening. anywys santa shud be here. rite here rite nw in brunei..

its been long.. got back frm bris just a week ago. it was fun. i graduated. my parents had an enjoyable stay. we roamed arnd mostly in the continent savouring western & eastern cuisine. visit to city with its huge christmas tree, seaworld as the only recreational plce. overall it was good.

can't say the least abt my feelings. i shud be content. im going back very soon in mid jan upon enrol approval. tis will then be real stuff. grad can only be the next step towards anther level. won't post my grad pics here for sme reason. maybe on sme holiday visits`

about ppl p. so much reason why you're as deep as me. i knew we cud be good frens.. tgh i had to translate, u bring so mch impress abt our similarities. even the covering up of words in ur blog. like hw i used to do then..

still wanted to give an x'mas gift to a person. hadn't had the time to do so but i will.. 20 more days left.. brunei is warmer than aus. sweated a lot. point here is i had to enjoy the most b4 i get back.

meeting frens & reminiscing hme.. guess tt wud be most of it. first aid & visa. med check ups and ridiculous immunity jabs.. what else. cds.. buy more and more.. can't bore myself back in brisbne.

does anyone realise. when u walk along a long road. thru trials & trebles. eventually u'll find urself in a plce.. where everythn seems to be good again.. tis is where i am nw. for tse who're still striving along. give urself tme and patience.. live it well.. you will find urself ter soon..

feel`

2006-12-07T23:58:00.000+10:00

feel`(rev)
i wudn't blog if nt tt i cud lay firmly on bed & just drowse into dreams.. i bet u cud wait till next yr.. oh well.. cudn't sleep..

if u want me to say hw i feel.. its nt tt kind of matter.. its abt wt i've seen all along.. & plse.. not tt trait to roam arnd freely again.. dun wnt to see tt type of keith again.. :)

i wonder if i cud stand on.. i kept it held. i knw one day i'll find it.. the time which will be destined for our eyes to meet across.. i wonder wt's love.. to feel it again.. to feel it all without any burden again..

good to see mei's interest in blog.. tt's very long.. :) wonder hw's grad gonna be like.. on 13th wed, is tie a must? hw bout a coat? hw's the feeling to be hme again & return so swiftly shrt for nther advent.. will i ever live it thru..

will i cherish u all agn.. will i ever forgive the rest.. gigi leung's melody is so suited for tis post- 'hw will i ever make u understand..' tt sentimental zest to pen down tse serene words.. feel is mixed.. yet i knw i will enjoy tis time...

sm 1012 :) . ys so sightful by ur exp brings many memories . 飘布 live it..!
gigi leung love you so much! >.<

janice

2006-12-06T18:21:00.001+10:00

i'm beginning to fall in love with this song..
falling in love for her... :)

'06

2006-11-26T20:14:00.000+10:00

'06
im starting now.. tis might be a long post. its 8.15 and aus idol is showing. not my type of show.. so its double ente'tein for sharon 2night. wanted to start early. scared of losing some vital feels and points tat are still in my mind. once 29th comes, i'd most probably be roaming around feeling somewhat intense, either at one end or the other. so not a good condition for blogging.

the topic is '06. i'd like to sum everythn frm head to toe but i knw its virtually impossible. just a few tghts and craps frm the life of a blogger as well as a 3rd yr uni student.

i think it will be one of the most emotional moments of my life if im really to graduate soon. these 3 yrs.. my.. basically the life of a person cud not get any further in terms of drastic changes and experiences. once 18 starts, u begin to feel the boom and tat is for me in these past years. i saw life changed. true to nicole who had a less soulful smile b4, as the same.. i had the life of a pure weak, innocent soul.

ppl do most of the part. love changes it all. finding the meaning of life in itself is a determ. i knw i was taking it easy when i first began to explore. i saw ppl. i met with them and they met with me. vip vitality. i soon realise how ppl can be the most complicated beings in the world. v stands for values. i stands for intellect. p stands for personality. u want culture, i can add on c. all these four things make up the elements in a nature's society. and so lot tat applies to me.

i was unable to accept the fact tat im different in the past.. i still remembered once attending a christian grp, i happened to make one girl very mad after arguments frm my point of view. i cud not let go of my personal values i.e. my health and career. bt still i joined along at same tme seeked to be my own.. being part of the fam, making smiles & helping out. loved to pray, loved to joy. ended up drop dead cz i wasn't appr.

very luckily, i was pursuing a medical career. as i am an empathic person, i happened to find my way out wen i left. ter is nothng wrong trying ur best to be who u want to be esp when u want to save lives. despite all i endured, continued and make it thru the exams.

if u want to talk abt personality, my god that stands for one person i know who's now in calgary. intellect- recently i went out with a korean. culture referring to that fren of hers & mine. wat a diff. it is tis tat makes the difference & cud cause sme chaotic moments at times. tats why at present, im glad to have owned a very handy knowledge of sociology for practice. tats what makes ppl gather and accepting each other thus..

let me see.. 2day i passed by a place which i often used to go to evry weekends. it still gives unreasonably effective heart shapes. ter are too much bitterness in it which i really doubt i cud stand a moment being in it again. so.. i had to move on. have to.. i wished tat she cud have been more open and more reliasible then. what happened and what make me like tis. i did nt attend once tis semester, i think it still requires another sem. wait till she's gone..

i wanted to offer tribute to one person. this person.. let me admit. cliques. i never liked anyone tt much for whom he/she is besides mei who's yet to meet.. we knw each other just for tis few months.. my god.. values, intellect, personality, maturity.. sight suffice. just recently, slight unjust happened to cause some very unworthy moments for tt person. felt so sorry. just knw the short promise is still on.. i'll wait till then.

'06 is planned.. a confirmed graduant but waiting for results. sharon insisted a post on our outings. the past week has been drastic. i watched three movies- 'the prestige, a good year and saw III'. oh yea not to mention borat. a good year is soothe, smooth flowing and relaxing piece. i'd sum the week up like tis:

17th sharon- city, bubbles, paid for meal, she's yet to pay me plus a s$15 b'day gift. very good back-to-the-oldtimes chat.
18/19th- abi and damit. movie, tv & stayed over.
20th- onkei, 1st time sizzler, happy times.
21/22th- rested, 23th- another movie.
24th- korean, dim sum in a 3-star, movie, was fun.

the rest rested. its been smetme ive written somethn as long as this.. hmm.. christmas is coming soon.. i'm beginning to feel the atmosphere now.. there are lightbulbs frm my window.. anticipating parent's comeover and touring them arnd :) miss brunei dearly. miss frens.. food.. the air & place.. only to knw im gonna be ter for only a month.

k ppl.. stop here. have a good nite.. sleep well.. and enjoy ur life in anyway u can.. coz nw is nw.. we still have lots of time. alrite ciao~

b4 i go.. the morale of this '06 post tat always gives me the spirit to move on..
be content of where u r nw.. :)

-keith

notes

2006-11-23T21:10:00.000+10:00

dang~ when will i blog again? :)
(down: thghts to be penned)

-archives no longer published
-ackwldged situation, past exp, referred to ys

-drastic past one week, just meetings
-s,a,d,o,j & soon c,ty?

-"i so wanna write.. if only i cud get hold of it not manifesting the usual past repeats" - will i ever solve it with u?

-post on the 29th~
-tq, reminiscing past 1/2 and later half of '06
-appr. ppl met, accepting otherwise, diff life`

-(at present) tiring, filling yet unbored
-anticipating parents/grad/missing brunei..

if im just being poietic, wud anyone appr. it?
never.. cz wt they'll see is wt matters most figuratively..
unlike any intrinsic beauty tat cmes frm withn the heart of an owner

last: appr. sm~
-keith

addition: VIP's vitality as its word for reason
as i grew, values, intellect & personality settings
diff dist self frm othrs, referred to last 1/2, a & korean

1611

2006-11-16T15:48:00.000+10:00

click here for unreal 1611
click here for sis's teen luck

find myself back again.. aft 12 hrs of sleep and stp yapping.. cant forgive myself 4 being such a nuisance! heh.. guess was tired.. detrimental.. sleep deprivation adds up to post-xminic stress which brings up the symptoms of moody-like predispostion. bleh` :p

did i ever mention my xms are over? haha.. and its lame. gene was ok.. endo was fine.. socio had so far a grade 6(60%) and my eng is guranteed a 5 for god's sake! just hope gene's assign wud get thru.. im anticipating mbbs rite nw.. looking at the info sheet 4 new students enroling in the program.. we needed to do first aid back in brunei first.. and results are on the way on the 29th tis mth.. i hpe the best for all incldg me.. a bit nervous..

nicole lin.. lin shee mei.. you look like the real you nw.. haha. looking at wt u typed its such a nature tng.. hw life can be an occasional upcredit wth once at a time ur nature and self-reports.. i wish u all the best wth ur job finding and will reply maybe a bit l8er.. woonchin is sweet? :D and sorry i never knw tat.. hah.

pillbo` also wanted to say smetgs abt u.. i wnt to tank u for meeting me tis sem. in act fact, u're one of my academic motivational factrs.. seeing ur appreciation 4 work plus our updates on them in regards prmpted me to be never this keen in going thru a sem.. and tanks for being a fren too.. i never respected a person more for who he/she is.. dun forget the samoy u promised.. hpe to get to mbbs to show u i can do it` :)

tis tme pending on my list.. im for a movie later.. maybe saw lll.. heh. and sharon might be cruising with me arnd city on fri.. maybe. so long i haven't gone out with her unlike last tme in brunei.. then i needed to think wt else can i do. oh ya.. the grad preparation and plus preparation for my parent's stay.. and all the plans. thomas is going back the day aft tomolo.. and im going back a mnth later.. which is.. lamb (new word for lame)

i'll make use of my tme.. bleh. and its nt tat much if im strting on 21th jan nxt year.. see wt i can do. or what i have to do.. cook? kick a ball? play? i dun go pubs or clubs and i hate them esp smokes` sigh.. mst likely i'll plan a few trips with sme frens (no ocean nor hrse riding of coz..) maybe one of the worlds? eeks.. oh yea.. singing.. i wanna practise tgh i practise evryday.. tis time i'll make my own record.. hah.. ;)

thanks.. u enjoy back in brunei too.. heard two of u guys stayed here in brissie.. anywys.. have fun. ok.. i think tts all.. this is the real 1611.. difference? its day tme and tis is more like me. heh.. brb. gonna enjoy. ciao.. :)

okay..

2006-11-13T21:34:00.000+10:00

fuff.. okay.. okay...

have u ever realise hw life's like? this is the last.. go for it~ hope this will save you all frm just 'a bit' of tough work! i hope u all the best.. i'll pub sdl6 tomorrw.. today's such letharge~ for sharon, onki, yil & family. the rest b* off..

sdl 123
sdl 45
sdl 6

p.s. as a sign of appreciation, all i ever hope is just a thank you lo.. just one la.. just only one tq.. *ego.. heh.. and never anythn more.. :)

tears~

2006-11-01T22:56:00.001+10:00

tears~ (revised)

bliv me.. i spent an hr writing drafts, canceling.. being in the law just for tis shit.. drinking, only to find out the bottle wasn mine.. tearing open a cadb, munching.. being a nuisance.. reminiscing.. emotions? getting the sense tat im just wasting my damn *canceled* time just for tis shit.. its 9.19pm.. i miss evryone at hme..

its nt meant to be like tis.. i was supposed to dwell a bit.. tears was the topic. i dun care. it remains.. :l

i felt damned for a while.. nt being in tis state for a long tme..
the phrase a fren let out was so rite.. 'it's like chasing the wind.. dun look back!' its so foolish. smetmes wen u do, u just feel utter shit.. & i've or rather, had been doing tis and it din even help me a bit but just make a waste of my damn tme and feeling pesky pity.. like.. *changed* its nowhere anywhere else useful..

u knw.. wen u feel tat way.. u wnted to do smethn.. (nt anymore) u wanted to just understand more.. (nt anymore) u wanted to resolve it.. wouldn't you? :/ (...)

and wen u just happen to put spirit upon smeone, u feel tat things have changed.. r u nt really accepting the fact tat its getting less? (if frens can disappoint u and if u say God doesn't, what sense does it make? i was so expecting u on 306)

i cant say anythn else.. im afraid i'll go mad.. i just have to remain calm nw.. i'll get back.. :s (tomorrow a better day..)

15 comments dont make any diff to my life esp when u knw the last 4 comments are all by the same person who just wants to flood the space :s (sorry.. i appreciate 15 :))

if i wudn want to leave it by, i might express the real side of tears~ anyhw.. i wasn't myself.. im ok nw..

sme stuffs

2006-10-24T11:14:00.000+10:00

gigi has been non-stop updating her blog *in hourly terms* ever since she started her blog (or at least her helpers).. haha.. its like a live update of her life and blogging seems to interest her atm. good for her. i came across the song by cheer 小步舞曲 also a soundtrack in a drama called blue-gate crossing. very nice and abstract. (the one on my blog now)

talking abt blogs, found out smethn interesting.. the urls 'just-an-ordinary-girl' and 'just-another-ordinary-girl' in blogspots have both been owned by bruneians. it shows tat bruneians do also have an innovative place in blogs, just ordinary.. ;)

my last eng class. and my last look on the korean.. its so lame tat sharon wudn give us the last opportunity to at least interact in a grp.. i dunno but i like the type of facial charac tat she has. she looks so much like my last exp. anyways.. shes 23 but damn cute. damn damn.. but i assume shes light in her head, just skin-deep. so..? not for me..

during the eng class, i also found out smethn.. wen the topic abt expressing poems and metaphors came, all my frens pointed to me. 'experience ani..' i blabbered some examples just like my blog poem below. it shows tat ppl actually read ur blog. good thing im still least being concerned and known tat i still exist!

what else.. besides suffering frm nicolinemia, i have no other troubles.. concentrate on work atm.. just work.. salute my iPod for being the main pen-drive for my assigns and ear-easer.. what else? oh yea.. i heard a londoner just moved into the next room and i haven't seen him yet so..

ok.. i think tats it.. i guess all i needed to say.. all the best. be back in a while..

elder story

2006-10-24T09:31:00.001+10:00

i knw i wudn have to blog until a mnth.. but this is exceptional. i can't just bear to let this go past w/o noting.. at least it can remain here as part of a memory.. :)

one morn i was walking frm hme on my way to the bus stop when i stopped by a passenger walkway. the light was still red and out of nowhere, an old lady clutchering on a walking stick passed and walked out steadily to the ongoing road. i quickly rushed to help.

she looked at me worriedly, staggering and unbalanced, panting as if she's lacked of air, trying her best as fast to get to the other side of the road.

looking on both roadways, i assumed its still safe to get her across. 'its ok.. slowly.. i'll bring u across'. she immediately felt thankful and reached for my face to swift a feel (she cud be in her late 80s). as we crossed, a couple of cars stopped to let us pass.

i tried to reassure her, 'look at the lights over there.. if its green then u can only pass.' she then murmured, 'i dunno.. im from sydney.' i asked her where she is heading to and she told me she was getting to the mall. i insisted more help so she took my hand and i let her to her place.

after all.. without any verbal motive, she hesitated as if deeply mesmerised.. she took my hand and gave a deep kiss, then ushering the 2 and only words 'thank you..'

i was wondering how on earth she cud have been alone. seriously unstable and deeply in need of help, i cud only ask her to tk.. but being in it is really a blessing.. u feel tat spirit esp when she expressed her love, whilst being helpless, and the feeling of being so thankful for smeone who cud help her when she needs it badly.

then.. :D as i left her, i glanced at 3 buses: 428, 427 followed by 433 consecutively passing by my one and only soul and i was like.. 'in this world anything can happen.. three damn buses!! arrgghhh..' i never see three buses.. but guess wat.. all is worth it ;)

haha.. yup an elderly story. empathy. i was looking at sme blogs and knwing sme ppl. i cud have guessed the nature of tat person. either feeling sympathetic and deep, love-orienting similar to signs of being a cancer just like me. sme are like ahn qi, yil or maybe crys. chatting with qi makes me realise how a person can be like and the type of personality tat suits you. anyways, a fact arises. where are all the guy bloggers in the world? are they dead?!! oh man.. oh btw.. selamat hari raya to those who's celebrating.. have a good day and then get back to work!

myst~

2006-10-20T13:18:00.000+10:00

one reason why cheer can be a myst..
who wants to drown into fantasy?~ listen..

p.s. i'll come back aft my exams. see you for long.
till then...

breathe

2006-10-19T09:13:00.000+10:00

breathe~

wen u look back..
its alwez the subtlest of chances u won't.. recall.

the past is like a song.. a melody u've heard b4..
a melody tat was played swiftly and sound..
bringng back to tat timely world & seeing it once agn.

wen it comes to drown.. for a moment..
u feel numb.. u feel as if time didn just pass by..
u find urself subdued in ur own sweet state as if..
nthn happend.. nthn happens.. not even nw.. at all.

tats wen u strt to think over. u decide..
the time for u to cme back again.. yet again.
life seems like a cycle.. u feel better after a long tme in the sea..
nw u decide to cme back ashore again.. to take a glance..
at the rising sun.. at the break of dawn.

def its not like 'lady in the water' of coz.. but i guess i just like poem-sentimenting.. haha. i wonder if anyone inspires my lit talents.. hmm...

Facts
all my blg links are connected to eithr future drs or pharms.
my idol just got a blog for herself.. :D
this sem saw me 5 films in the cinema
all my xms are so far beaten by sharon :s

im gonna haf the whle hse by myself after oct ends
6 brunei, 4 online & 2 aus.. just frens.. :)
the law lib is alwez empty with me on sun morns
my Pod plays cheer & my prayer all day long as needed..

it has been a flunctuating life.. a bit of stress..
2 assignments.. 4 weeks..

to just get this thru. i really hope..
to get thru this.

hmm...

2006-10-15T21:35:00.000+10:00

im exploring.. still exploring..
still seeing wats ahead.. seeing wats arnd..

emotionally challeged.. sme things.. sme ppl can touch u at tat part..
u knw.. smetmes in life, its not tat i dun wanna get touched.. its just tat i can't.. i can't be touched.. i knw my limits..

but im hoping to add her up.. she's frm my country.. the things she blog abt reflects a typical christian in nature. i want to add her up since im left out totally nowhere near where i was.. i just wnt to understand mre..
smetmes i just wnt to leave it behind due to bad exp.. due to the life i went thru.. i knw myself.. but im still exploring.. it wont add up to my emotional burden.. cz this is new.. and plus i knw myself.

(out of emotion) so.. i had celery... so tat makes it up to anti-cancer. an apple.. plus an extra pectin and chocolate, an anti-depressant. so tat makes it worthwhile for this week's food. shee mei adds on to four weeks. damn! anywys.. yawn.. assignments up for next wk then i'll go to the dramatic way.. tieing tat cloth rnd my head & strt working all nite all day.. cant wait 4 grad.. cant wait for the finals to end. cant wait to get a call tat i should be ok this term. and i mean academically.. :)

sme things can be funny.. yet melting. anyways... well. i guess tat makes it up for a blog. cya..

an hour later
----------------------------------
can't sleep.. maybe cz im either challeged or i've slept too much.. :)

do u ever realise music is a strong object.. it has the capacity to change ur mood, ur behavior and inspire ur life? i've been listening to loads loads in my life.. and seriously.. it changes u.

i believe cheer has made me more senti. or more understanding. gigi has alwez given me 'myself'.. suited to the type of music tats for me and offering determ.. BoA- alwez cheering, stylish & sensual..

i rememberd once hw if u listen too much to particular songs, ure sure to get a big smack to ur ass and well-being.. i rem ys listened too much jay, till he got too senti and event broke down.. :D smetmes music can take you out of reality and just make u fantsize which is also not a really good idea... :)

i've been reading blogs.. been onlining.. unlike prev.. oh man.. the most sentimental song just came on my iPod now...

情定日落橋
握你的手暖我心窩為什麼愛情世界寒冷太多
時光小舟蜿蜒飄流
誰知幸福會遇多少風波

面對日落想起以後會不會此刻擁抱只是煙火
相信摯愛能留住承諾
愛越傻越不怕愛越苦越付出
愛越難越糾纏你我思想

我要你相信一生只守一種約定
我要你相信一生只患一種傷心
我要你相信我的靈魂和你分離不再甦醒
-gigi

yea.. onlining and just checking stuff.. looking blogs.. being nuisance. bored. well.. imprving my blog contacts which is lame.. but yea making frens in the process..

and earlier which i had Schweppes and muffin..
fuff.. what am i talking abt? lol.

outlooks.. how long can they last? how much wud u knw abt them..
fantasy.. how long it takes to get out of it and come back.. to reality.

how willing wud u retain originality.. be urself?
not looking rnd others and crap in all and out being shitty..

does anyone in this world ever knw what's insideness?
anyone...

cheer~

2006-10-07T13:22:00.000+10:00

i present my old time fav song..
hai se hui ji muo by cheer~

what do you guys think?

hmm..

2006-10-06T21:42:00.000+10:00

i bet i had this 'hmm..' as a blog topic b4 but anyways.. today is the end of a week and im 'appreciatively' pleased with how im getting along with the week. its some sort of 'getting back' to the shape of mental practice.. ala ala.. u knw.. wth stuffing lots of fish and vegs.. i guess helps a lot too plus* a new technique to pull all ur stresses away.. connect to the future!

i dunno if it really helps.. smehw i find it qte useful.. evryone shud haf a visit.. ticaine.com. the famous hypnotist believes we can imprve our lives by simply connecting to the future. forgiving wat u've done in the past and think urself as smeone powerful who can create anythn you want in ur life. he goes on saying tat smetmes we feel lost or depressed coz we dun even knw where we're going or where we'd want to be.. its worth to take a look anyway.

today i smehw had lectures. then i hadnt had pbl coz the lecturer didn turn up so i went to chinatown to buy some groceries. i do feel good smetmes and it'd provoke my zest for buying things wen the gov puts in money into my bank accnt.. and as soon as 3-4 of a new mnth comes.. trrrnngg.. $$$ heheh.. how natural can it be.. like money falling frm the sky.. anyways, my freezer is stuffed with loads of fish.. im changing my diet coz i tot fish imprves the brain/mind with omega-3 and chicken just fills the stomach. anyway, its okay for a $4 meal with a piece of salmon or mackerel.. its tasty le..

shee mei hasnt come online for 3 weeks.. still we had contact by real writing.. arrhh.. i just smehw tot we're getting far apart and smetmes cannot help to say but damn miss her presence.. its like evrytme wen she writes a nature thing, i feel glad and wud cheer up and move on thru the pressures of life.. u knw the food and all.. her thoughts and support thingy.. & now her fren takes over her, my tou tai woonchin. shes the only one who can make me laugh all the way with wat she writes and i never encounter anyone as... omg.. :DDD crapp.. but really woonie.. do u think u've suffered PTD? kesian.. seriously, i never cried tat bad for an exam and ever wud seriously worry for finals unless.. its my last roadway to MBBS.. (im damn nervous tis semester)

just this morn, smethn not good happened.. and had me face my first reality with death of a close one. tgh it triggered me a bit, it didnt went on for too long.. its a blessing actually coz he died of old age.. yea, but tgh we weren't tat close i feel sorry for his partner.. im closer to her actually.. smetmes ur seniors wud give u encouragement to live wen u knw u have to work hard in order to achieve smethn for them to see.. hoping they still can and they wud live to see it..

mooncakes coming.. and i damn wnt (wnt means wont!) eat a single mooncake! last week, i had too much chocolates and cookies and watever..! and i just dun feel like into glucose anymore.. literally. spring is coming.. jacarandas flowing out.. you knw it feels like its bringing me to the past spring where i had good and bad moments then.. bt the scenery is indeed fascinating...

fuff.. im leaving this weekend free.. wanna stress out. this sem is actually laid back to think or not~ just less classes and anatomy lethargy, having to stand in a room full of corpse for three hours.. thinking of tat lame last sem, its a bit of luck tat i survived. i chat with ahn ji (angel) into prompting me knwing tat biomed pharmacology is a 'dying' subject. no one wud ever want to take it and i was so crap!!... tat i'd taken and make it on the border with a 101% damn effort.. just to have an idea wat tamoxifen does.. fluoxet.. cycloshit or watever! and she tells me she likes to have a pig as a pet, a taiwan pearl tat wud stay as a small pet forever~ who know wats she's thinking!!.. and me..! not tat i wouldn want to have it, my country doesnt allow..

ok.. time to go. update soon.. yawn.. have a good weekend. ciao.

oh ya b4 tat.. ppl listen to tis.. I present my old-time fav song.. hai se hui ji muo by cheer~

past..

2006-10-01T21:03:00.001+10:00

dreams.. do you have one? life.. how have you gone thru 4 the past few years? memories.. have you got any to ponder upon? past.. have you got anythn to take from them..

this day.. i found myself different. solemn. alone. reminiscing. for once real time, i began to realise it again.. the feeling i'd had for the prev years, the same time of the year.. the septembers.. octobers.. they're all the same. for the past 3 years. this time, i found myself drifting for hours in the vessel from regatta to brett's wharf.. making way thru sceneries.. making way thru the past.. closed eyes.. sentimental tunes.. wat has been going on.. wat has put a mark on my life..

my past is beautiful. meaningful. i saw many things i cud think of. things tat made me who i am today. for i will never forget the past as it has shaped me. i saw wat ive gone thru.. the life tat left me.. looking back in primary school, in secondary. wasn't the sort of glory school days i'd had. but it built me up strong.

the pre-teen periods are carefree. fun. full of gaming. nothing to worry abt. you've food and you have books. that's all. A-levels.. a change. life becomes challenging, different. your life makes a turning point. you see different things. you think different. you feel different towards ppl. your emotions become apparent. you feel the first things in life you never felt b4.. you fell for ppl.

the naive childish times turned around. i remembered at evenings in school while the sun set and the sky was purple. at a church in my school. i liked to see the secret fountain. the statue of Mary, the bushes and the chairs outside. i admired seeing ppl gather around in church. me and my parents and my sister wud pass by during the evenings while we go for shopping and wondering how fun it is to gather like these..

i remember drawing doraemon for one of my frens in my own fantasy world. i remember the times i slept in the aft whilst in my dad's hometown where outside is a huge river (imagining crocodiles) and chickens in the compound occasionally wake me up frm sleep. i remember mom's hmetwn was always full of love frm ppl and sight.. the rainy season, crickets singing, the hill forest behind the hse, grandparents making coffee in the early dawn and food was no where compared to anywhere i've eaten else. i cannot deny im a nature person.

i remembered final fantasy so clearly. i remembered my counterstrike skills as Ashley Winchester. i remembered msging smeone everynite, everytme until credits reached 100. i remembered how those first moments will never be replaced by anythn more intense and as gullible.

i remember coming out frm the very depths coz of one offering life, letting off the first care i'd ever had in my life (as a fren) and which will always remain in heart.. i remember writing to one i doubt will ever meet in any other, being such one i will always cherish.. so much nurturing.. so much help & sincerity.. and much just a miracle. i remember wat harshness reality can bring.. when you meet ppl who are just themselves..

uni years.. march and sept. these 2 months were always the turning point. first yr. second yr. and now third yr.. in march will always be when things have to happen for a reason. in sept, things sought to be anew again.. like how things are destined to remain behind and a piece of new hope has been born to bring abt a new breath to start over a new chapter of life..

past five years, a lot of change. i seeked beauty upon these five years and i'll never regret being in those five years. i've been thru so much i cud remember of.. i only started to put them into words when i became old enough; when i was destined to relieve myself and try hard to allow ppl to see tat i'd go thru the times and be a person of independence.

i've seen many things. the words you read and the person you see all the while has always been me and will always be. if i had to do wat i had to do, then i really had to do wat i had to do. i cherish every single moment of the past. the ppl whom i've been thru with.. for i'll never forget them. they can only be beautiful.. they can only make me realise who i am. for i'll cont to thrive thru as i strive..

bliv.. one day.. i'll never know how life can be simple. and i'll just retain tat capacity. i have many more years to see many things before i'll lead a boring life to work.. i'll explore. once a while i'll go back to empire hotel to see how serene the scenes can be during nitetime.. as if i wish for smethn.. for smeone.. and if i'll just cont to go thru wat i have to.. at one moment i'm sure it will come..

if always..

2006-09-27T22:51:00.000+10:00

time to be myself again.. again.. yet again.

holidays can be a dread. can be a slack. a dread when u tot holidays are meant for starting on assignments when u hadn't done any.. a slack wen u tot its time to lay back and give urself a damn time-wasting era of a life of nonsense- yaking away.. sleeping.. procrastinating.. laying ur brains for rest and externalising..?

have you ever tot how life can be a crap once u begin to nonsense and start question abt urself over again.. neither do i knw how much striving moments can be of a thriving matter to my life build-up wen all the world is just crap whilst me having to go ahead with a life of my own track.. life is pretty robust when u're dealing with a complicated person like me. and i hate to think im the only person who thinks the way i do and no one seems to understand me at all...

ok.. lets take a case.. a simple matter of a human living in an outsideworld .. looking out ur window and thinking, ok.. its time to go out there and show the world who i am.. u go out, u being the type of person you are.. pretty much knowing what goodness can bring.. being you.. and seeing all the many many different ppl out there each* having their own sets of craps..

you see one.. you pred one.. you look at one.. you judge.. you tried to convince one.. you the judge, you being judged.. you bumped into a person who thinks without cows you wouldn't have cheese, another thinks with cows, you would have madcow disease.. so what's the point? you live on.. ur own pesky world.. you deal with stress.. you externalise.. and if things dun work out- you seek the devil of internalising charisma inside you, hell knows wat happens! you fall into the trap of depression. and tat's what the subject of sociology wud say to you..

for me.. even how crap is the world around me, i wouldn't go tat far.. i have my limits.. externalising may be necessary.. i dunno abt anyone's point of externalising means here but i thought its normal.. we do have our ups and downs.. we downed when we need it and tat's the whole point.. the whole world gets tempted every single day.. we get frustrated.. we get stressed, we go to the bar.. we see people, we wanna hate them (like how john tucker must die), we pull off attempts to change ourselves to be more like not ourselves.. we see chicks.. we drool pigeon holes.. tat's why brothels and escorts trail everywhere in the world.. if those are not necessary, why do they appear? for the sake of what? trials?

tat's when u strive to make a difference out of urself.. you work towards it.. you bitch around every single 'not-you' and strive to be you.. if you cant do so.. you accept.. you pull off the white flag and say ok.. i give up.. its just me.. so get lost! (something like tat).. if everyone wants to be a merchant just coz the majority of the world says its the best job in the world, so be it.. if everyone sees tempting shit and losing virginity as beauty and if i wouldn't.. what can i do? be like tempting shit and be a whore?

yawn.. i can't believe how the world thinks today.. to me.. one reason why i have alwez stayed the way i am is coz of one.. i've always known how important is being good.. i dun care how and what on earth is the main delicious menu for today's world.. you create an environment for ppl.. you smile.. you work towards it.. you try to be a good role model like steve.. the wonders of life will always have to tell you, be kind and humble.. no matter how hard is the world gonna give you, good nature will always see you through to the other side, where there are pretty flowers and blooms.. (conveying sarcastic analogy of 'girlish dreams' :s)

'appreciate every moment now and then.. life is short.. you will never know what will happen..' terri says these words.. you look into her eyes, you will always know how strong can she be.. she retains the faith in her, she knows she still has a job to do.. a promise tat she'd made to her husband.. she knows 'its the beginning of a new chapter.. its like stepping off a cliff and taking a land onto the ground.. do i sound like i have a choice?' she still has to move on..

everything has a reason.. why am i different today?

the cancer horoscope tells:
You may be feeling slightly fragile this week. A tendency to be oversensitive could take you to see problems where none exist. Try to be realistic in your expectations of other people. (Damn..!)

reason for why im like this?

cancer jun 23- jul 23 (this week's horoscope)
Some people accuse you of being moody. What would they know? They are, I'll bet, the same sort of people who think water is wet or leaves are green. No imagination. No understanding. You are not moody...just deep. Meaningful. Sensitive. Keenly responsive to changes in your environment. Do you sometimes take things too seriously? Don't we all. One thing you definitely do have, though, is a very good memory. You forget nothing. Soon you will settle an old score.

slackers. i gurantee i wont be back at least within a fortnight.. guess time to go.. heh.. tk all.. if always i am normal, i'll never be normal... :)

p.s. to whoever fuc*** who says i need to grow up, i show you who's grown up!

heart of soul

2006-09-25T23:28:00.000+10:00

how have you been?
how's ur heart been..

heart, wud ter ever be peace..
soul, wud ter ever be prayer..

how much it takes to look forward?
how hard is it for an eye to look front?

how pathetic it is to look back?
how much pain it brings to feel what's left?

if one and only thing tat matters..
is time inching every second now & then,

why does it have to be there..
for every now & then?

is it really me or is it just my heart..
forever serene & forever scarful..

how can this heart of soul be what i want to be..
feel what i want to feel & live how i want to live now..

to see the written words of my past..
to ever bliv in peace again? to ever see joy now then..

for change.. it is the only choice..
to suit my only nature.. to protect my only dignity..

so to be ignorant..
to be of pretence of nothing at all..

for 'it' is still there..
and will always be there in heart..

and last,
will i ever be myself again..

"heart of soul"
-writ by keith

229

2006-09-22T21:25:00.000+10:00

how to start? feeling a bit tired and not gonna promise i'll write as good as i expect myself to write.. :) let me see..

229.. marks the birthday of the one and only lamest ys.. happy b'day buddy.. haha. why 229? its been three years.. 229 had always been the marker for tat special day.. 219 or is it 239. haha.. tat was a long time ago..

these two weeks.. had been still mostly work-based kind of.. and looking back again..

ups.. a bit of sense of humor and im beginning to love my blur self. once at night having to shop and cash out for groceries. i swiped for eftpos and the cashier said, "err.. tat's ur student card.."

considering help for a lit review on romeo and juliet, i was asked by my next door little girl to explain wat's the difference between love and infatuation. i read her essay and it was interesting but b4 anything, all i cud do was to laugh myself off..

anyone for comment perhaps? infat is more or less a foolish feeling or inspiration for one, not even knowing the person in depth or even at all. and it was stated tat romeo's feelings for juliet and rosaline are rather infats since their 'love' came out of attraction and sensual predisposition.. i cud have ruled out temptation. (romeo married juliet after two days of meeting)

love.. is knowing tat person and accepting, liking tat person for who he/she is.. not based upon anythn frm the outside which triggers the below-waist factor but is.. smethn unique. true love doesn't expect an outcome.. it's rather smethn which involves understanding.. and i cud have ruled our interaction.

when we consider this, love nowadays are very misleading. themes in films depicting love at first sight or tat intense feeling of envy or inspiration for one. tgh love is a subjective matter, to me love isn't all abt feelings.. its abt acceptance and sacrifice.. :)

anyways.. one thing tat fascinates me nowadays is liu yi fei. a singer originated frm china whom i think has the potential to be famous internationally. just being 19, her voice is really making me sense tat she'll be BoA-like in the future. i'm also indulging into cheerful aiko.. nowadays just japs.. i wonder..

a lot more to write actually..

i agree very much with jocelyn. happiness is abt taking care of urself, controlling ur emotions and not being greedy.. very much agreeable.. :) and one thing is i've never known how much important it is to control emotions esp when you just feel like you're not urself.. but indeed it really comes with ur effort to do so. if i can add up, being happy is having a goal to work towards to and be secure. its also pretty much being content of where you are now.

she's giving me the creeps.. she's being so principally (or rather principle'ly) clique as me.. and yea if you wrote abt bindi sue letting off a speech in tribute to her dad, steve you know who you are. tat is one of the warmest clips i've seen in time.. bindi is such an optimistic chap..

rite.. each path you take will decide the type of life you will end up in.. and rite.. God gives us opportunities, fate will help us.. but still comes to qn you at the end of the day- what do you want? and i believe we still can change tat..

yes.. tamoxifen is used to treat breast cancer who have a high predisposition to Her2-type genre.. and yes.. i love tauhu farmie.. in fact, i love my grandma's made tauhu with meat fillings.. they are the best.. :D

is tat all? quite long already.. ok then.. time to take a break. fuff.. anyways.. ppl who read. enjoy reading.. :) in 2 weeks...

:__

2006-09-18T20:19:00.001+10:00

tiring tears.. yawn...
is work the only thing? :____ )

woon chin.. dun u look down on me..
i knw wats terbutaline.. (*salmeterol & salbutamol)
nose raised 45'.. ego** :D

do u know.. how much spirit..
u've given me.. to ever move on? :__

myself

2006-09-07T20:43:00.000+10:00

a sense of gladfulness to come back aft 2 weeks.. i thought its worth to blog atm.. coz wats past is like a life tat ive indulged upon.. studies.. studies.. work.. work.. stress is fermenting.. and now i thought i'd return back to the childish ways of the entity of blogging. just for once.. :)

this time is different. two msges and one written letter. all from pwp. nice to have them contacted. looking back at my diary for the past 2 weeks.. i looked thru.. wat're the highlights?

certain things which can cause some algesic moments.. which add up a bit of element to your life.. particularly a typical sunday, breeze and wonderful rays accompanying ur hung clothes by the clothesline. like how it may be a holiday. tat sunday once is a day when you rest at home and just sleep all you want, in a hot sun aft..

certain smiles.. some ppl can provide tat peace.. a cashier named nicole. a wonderful cooked meal with pumpkin and fish.. and an all manner of preparing for tat duo set of exams, endocrine and genetics, just to maintain discipline.. just to maintain life's simple rhythm.. how more wonderful cud it be..

other things which can cause certain provoking heart shapes.. like meeting a person, not long met.. once being a candy shop, listening to the song on air.. it goes like this- "sometimes i run.. smetmes.. and all i really want is to hold you tight.." then with this-

"all i really need is time.."

i guess you cud have guessed the song. i reminisced how much tat song has an effect on me. i kept singing afterwards.. tat phrase is the key for wat i went thru.. for wat im going thru.. and wat im planning upon.. a very used-to best fren said this phrase to me once. and with this exact same moment now.. im using this again.. i knw wat im doing.. and all i really need is time..

i knew tina and was well-expected. after two weeks, i saw how every same stature of words were used to describe one litre. she also blogged a post on one litre. every word seems to be a clique, for how can it be like a mirror image as to wat ive written b4. analyse her maturity.. she's also well saluted.. :) .post.

smetmes i dwell upon this thought. in this world, ppl are different. never ever u realise the reason why often chaos happens is coz of the fact tat ppl are different? wars in the world.. religion and race.. ppl of all genders.. stimulating a line of interaction.. of utter misunderstanding and lack of comprehensiveness.. lack of respect for who they are.. never ever you know why ppl are just different?

smetmes i relate to my prior experiences. why chaos happened and i guess is coz of this difference tat we have upon one. even now.. when i think of how bitter it may be for not being able to reconcile a certain clickness towards some of frens.. my peers.. not being able to resolve the matters of the scars and the past.. i relied upon the thought- "smetmes we're not just meant to be.. smetmes we can't blame anyone for wat happened.. but smetmes.. we just need to accept and understand tat we're just different."

yea tats wat i thought.. im lame i knw.. one even said i needed to grow.. actually im quite glad for the person who commented tat.. haven been receiving criticisms for a long time.. it just shows im just me.. :p and well.. yea.. i guess all i wanted to say for now is just this. cool huh? my never-ending principles again..

yawn.. i had two kit kat bars on my table.. to eat is to have a break. i needed b4 i cud be bz again upon this shit english essay and sociology.. sucks. but yea. two weeks time again. i'll be back.. phew.. long one... :)

food mania`

2006-08-24T17:48:00.000+10:00

hahaha.. drool mate..!! ;)
btw.. the middle three not i cook one.. its culinaries frm hk and brunei's empire hotel.. hah! the rest is my specialty.. :P haha.. enjoy :D____

keith

2006-08-24T16:32:00.000+10:00

:) 2 weeks.. i left it out for 2 weeks.. no mail checks.. no frenster.. no blog.. no idea of anything happening online & just going on my life for 2 busy/non-bz weeks.. consequence? nothing much.. nothing less.. everythn's simple as it is and yet guess, non the doubt it is.. healthier.

when i come back, i expect smethn.. well at least msges.. interesting things to happen.. probably blog comments like 'grow up!' or smethn.. hah.. but conversely, everythn is just as still as it is. i din receive any mails.. i had no comments.. and just all is still on the 'net' side of my life. well it may be a good thing.. it shows life is as peaceful.. not particularly 'havocky'.. so should be acting grateful instead.

keith.. i like this name. for some reasons. i just happened to knw everyone in bris calls me tat for nw.. just wanna blog on my intrinsic insights for this paragph.. to me, living life is so much not based upon what you think makes you happy or what without it doesnt but is smethn of how you wud live makes you happy or not.

in many cases of thought, and im not deliberately stating as an issue of fact, i think smetmes in life we tend to forget happiness when we get so caught up much with other things. our mind ok lets say 'frens'.. having more frens means a blessing.. then u tend to build up towards it.. making more frens, eventually bringing you up to a state of popularity and so on so forth..

once things begin to fall apart.. you finally realise how happiness isn't there anymore.. tats the same with a relationship.. you build it up, break it.. things don't go well, you fall. it goes the same with anything.. anything u can name it.. eating chocolates, anything tat goes around ur society, ur hobby, intentions and any 'hardrock' hopes you'd tend to push yourself far to the limit, not knowing the severity of how bad you will end up in if you just fall out from it.

my point here is.. how you want your life to be. so live it. a church minister stated if you want happiness, you'll get it.. just by putting it into your mind. if you aim to be happy, if your goal is to be happy, you'll eventually be happy anyhow. the fact is on how you want it to be and all of tat comes only from yourself. note and not anything else tat are tangible.

everyone in this world has their own way of happiness.. to me, happy is just living myself to be happy.. tats all it matters.. some ppl or rather most wud take their lives for granted.. have you ever thought of how lung cancer patients can only survive for a few months when you just thought ok.. tats when i'll start to learn how to appreciate life a bit better? fact is.. be content. live life fully now.. live forward and learn how to always leave the unusefulness behind.. stop stalling your life. search for happiness.. :)

i hope i can be a good dr. tats a worthy happiness.. securing stability for the worthies.. and being around, occasionally not often, with those being wonders for accepting the person whom you are.

tats all i wanna say.. sorry.. a short para turned out to be a multiple.. so far ive been good.. been hanging arnd.. meeting nice ppl.. chatting with them.. dun wanna name them.. its normal.. next note.. hah. food.. i really just want to make who is reading now drool.. sorry lo... :(

ok tats for now.. just wanna tell i do miss those msges.. not tat i cant find happiness w/o them, just i thought you knw.. you've been a great fren. where are you?! since, 2 weeks worth a more healthy life.. why not? see you all in 2 weeks time.. :)

118

2006-08-11T18:47:00.000+10:00

happy b'day... :)

hmm.. let me see what happened today?

had my first ever pbl.. got to see how its like.. and its, its tat kind of place where u get to see all the brainiest ppl around.. the aussies.. it requires interaction but smehw.. well, guess.. im not as brainy.. hah. just one girl spoke all the way thru like she knew anything and everythn frm head to toe.. oh manz.. tats how they study...

so far, ive been good with tis semester itself.. i think its more relaxing, the same time more convincing in terms of well-being.. i'd love to love myself b4 i love others, and at same time i get to meet new ppl.. they are more.. hongkongese.. in other words, the type i like to interact with.. :)

listened to gigi's grown up.. wow.. i think its the best.. i cant say but her vocals totally 'grown' out to the very best.. i agree she has the best 'soft voice' among all the female HK singers.. i adopted gigi as my idol since form 4 and everyone knows. till now, she still continues to 'zhang hei' and work thru her life fully.. unlike other singers who come and go a while.. i guess i have to say im glad.. glad tat she's my correct chosen idol.. she lives till now..

weekend.. hmm.. im still doing the normal thing. footy, cooking.. well, what to say.. im still lame.. tats me.. i like my lame way.. at least its simple and easy.. ;) ciao.. in two weeks time, i'll blog my next post.. :)

comments

2006-08-08T22:21:00.000+10:00

:( i nearly burst out when i.. i... just realised i had 10 comments pending for me to accept, never knowing tat ppl actually commented.. all this while.. im so starved of comments.. so starved.. sigh... anyways.. here are these.. thanks for those.. i just read them... :__

sharon: sz.. i m really really sorry.. the mobile fon was in silent mode.. coz i brought it to uni n forgot to change to normal mode.. n i told u i was gona watch tv till like 930 or 1030 isnt it? the missed call i receiived was not within that time.. i m so sorry.. cheer up :) we still can talk :) sorry if i make u feel down. think positive :) posted 8/6/06

sharon: sz.. sorry for the late reply.. was going out and my fon got no credit.. hehe.. u come online later? then we chat :) oh yea.. dun forget my notes.. thanks :) yst.. i saw ur msn msg.. but i was in the living room watching tv.. hope u will see this :) posted 8/6/06

sharon: Sz.. thanks for the noodles :) I appreciate it :)Jz ate 1 pkt of cintan noodle soup.. haha.. nice :) posted 8/1/06

leeshi: sz, i dont know what prompt me to decide to leave a message.
i guess i want you to know that i really cherish our friendship back then. i really do.when you came back in december, i do wanna try to get back that friendship but like you said, there's a scar.
i tried, but you hurt me again. i know you're not aware.
i dont know what you're thinking. to you, i may be an awful person, but i hope you'll understand me one day.i know we're very different people, but i do care, i know you're not aware, coz i never show it.
we can go on as we had, it doesnt matter, it's been so long.i've no other intention, i just want you to know that i still think of you as my ko, despite everything. you dont have to believe me. you can go on thinking what you want. it's ok.be happy. posted 6/24/06

Anonymous: Hmmm.. this blog got no comment.. What a sad blog.... Anyway.. here is one for you.. Good luck in everything that you do.. :)Enjoy your life to the fullest :) posted 5/27/06

yung soon: hey...din knw u were stil so sad... i tot everything ok for u ordi.. since everything also almost ok for me...nway jz finished my last paper today... now i have ten weeks of holiday...yeah!!! and seems like thomas and kelvin are coming back soon... u really not coming back... not changing ur mind..? hehhe posted 5/11/06

its raining:
hey...y u wanna blog here? almost forgot u were stil blogging... blog at frenster better la... so stubborn for wat...hai... posted 4/29/06

:) :
eh... how come u manage to publish this blog? i tot the file is too big.. :P posted 4/26/06

rugdoll:
Hey u,I've linked u to my blog. Hope u dun mind.<3...> posted 3/07/06

:) :
:) posted 2/24/06

grown up

2006-08-08T21:22:00.000+10:00

"Grown Up" - Gigi Leung
man.. i just happened to know one of her songs was composed by cheer chen! i nearly burst out to tears when tat happened.. haha, sissy.. anyways.. cheer gave me many sad memories.. did i once mention jay, cheer and gigi were my only chinese favs? :) anyways.. can't wait to get 'grown up'!!

1) Gigi's music journey by Tony Kwok:_ five stars

10 years into the business Gigi continues to produce dedicated music. Her latest output celebrates her 10th year in the music industry as well as seemingly discretely telling us all that she is coming to terms with her split from her ex.

Track 1: the lyrics seems to describe her 10 year in the music industry, and Gigi's vocal range is showed off throughout this song. It's to see that Gigi is still able to sing "ga yam" so well. Her trademark "ga yam" continues to be the best in the industry in my opinion.

Track 2: Jay Chow's contribution to the cd. Gigi sings about being strong after a break up in a relationship. The whole arrangement is very "jay" and Gigi's vocals are again showed off.

Track 3: this track again displays how well Gigi sings these days~ a confident display.

Track 6: this is my favourite tracks, the lyrics are well written and Gigi's performance is emaculate.

Track 10: this is a medley of Gigi's greatest hits over the last 10 year, very touching, especially for the die hard Gigi fan!All in all, this is one of Gigi's best albums to date, it demonstrates how far she has come in the last 10 years musically, as well as, as a person.

2) a whole new growth! by wahahaha:_ five stars

WOW!i can't believe it..this cd is simply just amazing!!i am so glad gigi went back to her old roots..i have to say her last release of 'look' was quite unsucessful...it's great she went back to what she is good at again..simply slow to medium paced pop ballads!!

i am in love with almost all songs in her album..each song had an oustanding breakthrough..

track 1 - mainly has guitar as their music..it's sofly played..so you can really hear gigi's improved vocals...gigi's singing abilities has been improving..and this song clearly delivers her voice..it's a soft medium pace song..gigi brings up her voice and softens it at appropiate parts of the song..i like this song very much

track 2 - a lot of string instructments..gives a typical jay style (since this song is composed by him)..i mostly like the 2 verses she sings in this song..cause it's quite strong..i just dun like the chorus part..she uses background vocals (real+fake)..so to me it makes her voice a bit weak..she can't make it strong enough..and the song itself is quite repetitve..a bit boring

track 3 - this song again shows gigi's strong vocals..mostly it's only her voice that was delivered..this song is different than her usual slow jams..it's still a slow song..but the musical instructment gives a grand..a summer romantic feeling..kinda like in a fairy tale..it gives me really smooth feeling..

track 4 - a happy song!..suitable for the summer season..it's a bit cutsy in a way..but not too cutsy...it's a good level..and this song had the guitars and drums a bit more louder..so it brings out the happy feel of the song..and this song gigi did use background vocals..but this time..they mix well along w/her main voice..like the ones she used to sing a few years back

track 5+6 - a typical slow song..it's quite good cause gigi's vocals are still very clear..i like how she starting to stop using background vocals..it really brings out her voice and let others hear her improvements

track 8 - uses a bit of chinese instrucments..and some children singing..bird chirping..like in the country side of china..everything blends quite well together..so it does give a new feeling..and again..gigi's vocals are delivered quite well..and the song itself is quite catchy too..memorable

track 10 - nothing to say but fantastic..cause she putting all of her old hits into one song..a song for us..all of the old songs are quite well put..they flow together quite nicely..and this song aren't cut from her old songs and placed them together..i can hear she re-recorded them..so it gives a whole new feeling..bringing out her vocals...and at the end..she sang "love myself" which really brings out a deep message to herself and everyone

a wonderful 10/10..keep it up gigi..i know you're a good singer..u just need more work..give your music some more spark..and i know u can reach higher than u've ever reached before

3) Grown up with positivity..... by Ricky in Sydney:_ five stars

No more sad love songs!It’s a good move to ‘marry’ Taiwanese composers and Hong Kong Lyricists. The end product ‘Growing Short Hair’ is like a breath of fresh air. Moving away from teary sad love songs, first plug ‘A Love Song To Myself’ which depicts ‘Staying strong when love’s gone’ attitude is definitely my favourite. Other tracks sound fairly upbeat and easy-listening, with a very positive outlook on life and love. ‘Growing Short Hair’ (composed by Cheer Chen) is a fine track and Gigi sounds very natural in it. Second plug ‘Summer in Beijing’ is also a pleasant surprise from Zhang Ya Dong, the string instrumental adds special layers to the song, it sounds classy but not too much. One of my other personal favourites is the funny titled ‘Feeding Me Biscuits’, the Chinese instruments and background noises of kids reading and laughing add innocence, fun and hope in this song, very special. I also love 'Ticket For One', it's like a much more upbeat, mature version of 'Love Myself' (lyrically). The final track ‘A Love Song To Everyone’ sounds odd despite it's good intent (a song with bits and pieces of her previous Cantopop hits mixed together, it’s meant to be a small conclusion of her journey as a singer for 10 years). I would probably have written a new song mentioning as many song titles of her previous hits in the lyric (like Tarcy Su’s track 4 ‘Outline’ in her latest album). However, all in all, this is a great album to have, especially if you’re over heavy sad love songs (and don't mind Cantopop with Taiwanese sounds).

4) "Grown Up" shows the growth... by ~vanessa.anne~ :_ five stars

I am SO DELIGHTED that after the mess of "Look" released last year (or at least, I thought it was a mess...I didn't like one thing about that CD/VCD at all...even though I know she was trying something new: why do something new when the old is so ideal...) Gigi has returned to her more signature sounds of well-orchestrated pop ballads. I think her vocals on this release show that she is definitely singing in the correct genre for her, because she simply shines throughout the entire CD of "Grown Up". I love how her voice is so powerful, yet refined and pure at the same time. She has true and rare control over her vocals that some artists can only dream of having. And she knows how to intrepret a song through her comprehension of her own ability as a phenomenal singer. I found this to be an outstanding CD...and very comparable to the beauty and majesty of "Ent?-Tain". Certainly, I would recommend "Grown Up" to all pop fans who adore the trademark Gigi Leung style.

Track 1 is a lovely and touching Gigi-esque ballad that is my second favorite on the release (there is an MV of this track); Track 2 is a bit on the R&B side in the beginning, but has an intriquing orchestra and stunningly powerful vocals; Track 3 is a moody piano ballad that is both relaxing and mesmerizing (there is an MV of this track); Track 4 is bouncy and fun, mid-tempo and sunny with fresh vocals (there is an MV of this track); Track 5 is an elegant ballad with impressive vocals; Track 6 is a bit "theme park" in sound, but the vocals serve to make it a memorable song and save it from being totally clich?; Track 7 is my absolute favorite on the entire CD and features great guitar with sweet vocals...it's simple and yet perfect; Track 8 has a bit of a too-traditional intro (woodwinds, chimes, birds, water, children...) and even later into the song, the lyrics just can't save this song from being my least favorite on the CD and I usually skip this entirely; Track 9 is standard Gigi with a plain sound on the verses and a magnificently orchestrated refrain (this is my 3rd favorite track on the CD); Track 10 finishes the release with a piano ballad that features serene vocals and a signature smooth sound (there is an MV of this track).

As for the MVs themselves, I didn't find the first 3 very impressive (not bad, but rather standard stuff...). However, the 4th MV was creatively done with computer-generated backgrounds that made the MV intoxicating and quite interesting to watch while still keeping the feel of the song in the forefront.

5) Heh... by keith tan:_ five stars

im the first~ hah.. gigi is the one of the most consistent singers now in hk, producing at least one album per yr. hope this album is a good one. like the newest song which is played on tv. looking forward to this album. - keith, brunei fan.

it's alrite..

2006-08-08T20:56:00.000+10:00

i deleted the two prev posts.. thought abt it for sme time.. it's very irrational.. it's been so long time ago.. drag this till now.. i should be mature. look forward...

it's alrite.. it's okay.. i dun care anymore.. things past, they do.. they convey regular unpleasant thoughts.. i dun care.. it's over.. no more.. stop thinking.. it's all over..

today, i had a movie.. hoodwinked. i sincerely recommend to ppl coz its a good flick to knack out ur humor at same time it has a part of scene tat relates to my name, keith.. haha.. its so damn funny with tat part.. everyone should watch it.

today, i just breaked.. or rather had a break. tomolo is a new start.. i dun mind ups and downs.. i think its just a normal thing in a life of a person.. but i guess when it comes to certain things, there is a time when u just need to put it to a stop. or else u'll end up drinking or going to pubs.. or even start smoking or going clubs which i hate wasting my life onto. tgh how much i will face in the future, i will never forget the fact tat i still have a life to live for the time yet to come.

im beginning to crave gigi.. gigi leung is my next post.. the comments for the album.. ive been listening to her new song lyri'ked by jay- love song for myself. she has shown very much improvement in her vocals as everyone realised. i was wondering if i want to get the cd by yesasia to deliver it here..

ok i'll stop here. everyone should take care. i wouldn't blog tat often anymore.. maybe after a week or two.. till then. thanks for my readers.. :) i know who you are..

pWp

2006-07-29T20:37:00.002+10:00

cant believe im quite bored now.. tis nite.. still one hour and a half more b4 im gonna have a converse with my mom.. lily chou chou is a loong movie.. cant stand watching. played winning eleven for a while. crave the net.. so nw im here. blogging can be a commodity when u're bored at times..

played soccer.. i had an uplift of morale when i assisted a player to score. haha.. in the end, i wowed.. i just played my part.. hadnt long been exercising.. so i am now.. today was more or less a resting day.. wanted a weekend of housekeeping so here it is..

brisbane can be so strange.. yest a full day of rain frm the start of morn till the very end of the night. today it can be so bright and shiny, clear skies, makes drying clothing such a bliss when u had it rewashed aft being soaked overnite in the rain, the day before.

dun worry i'll give sharon a few packets of noodles.. she demands 5 packets.. and when she demands, she grins.. she'd say 5x5=25.. so meaning i have to give her 25.. such a big eater.. haha.. but my mee goreng is genuine indon one.. so its gonna be tasty.. cheh.. i was having a great time with my hsemate.. while she's using my internet, we had a good laugh frm chatting.. its been like this all the while. shes one pwp.. people with personality.

ok.. this post is abt pwp.. sorry for delay. lets start..

of all these years, i've been meeting ppl.. and seeing lots of them, with huge and different aspects of attitudes towards their life and their displays to the outside world.. i've alwez known ppl are different and tats more not of a doubt as soon as i arrive brisbane.. tats where u get to see more ppl with dif personalities.

my kind of personality speaks for itself.. sincerity.. humbleness.. and thoughtfulness upon one another. what matters is more or less communication.. and if communication succeeds, everything frm a good impression to a worthy frenship is possible.. here, im gonna list a few ppl whom ive met so far with tat personality which i admire personally deep within.

well.. parents are no doubt having tat personality which plays a very vital role in shaping who i am.. so no doubt, i dun have to say anything since i know my good personality is by contribution to their role-playing and all.. am i really typing this? (today, i had a moment of mental solemnness, guess to prepare for study instead of using mental energy for blogging.. hah this sucks.)

first fren: nicole, shee mei. the first person whom i met inspire me the most in terms of personality.. she's sincere, caring.. nonetheless, sincere is all tat. i couldnt say more abt her treatment towards me coz tis is not a fair bit to talk abt since its not describing anything relevant abt her insideness. what i knw is this girl can occasionally send u gifts to bring u up.. one who likes all the bits and pieces of wonders life can offer: the sceneries, the food recipes, childhood memories.. the meaning of life.. the truths and dares of being a good person and all tat.. nothing more to say. shes just tat.

erm.. i cant rank certainly.. just go with the flow..

jess. open-minded. came out as a first meeting to meet me aft knowing thru frenster. frm ter, a good fren whos just open-minded. a very easy-going fren to go by..

yf. a girl i met recently. guess shes sincere too. easy-going and open. very comfortable to be with.. and good mannered personnel..

tcwbabe. a blogmate. she learns abt life as she goes thru it and we share the same thoughts. a christian who learns life the same way and pace as i do..

crystal. my housemate. tis girl is nothing of a 15-yr old typical girl.. one thing abt her is her unique personality shaped by her mother. every env goes up with an attitude of kindness and smiling nature.. and every downed heart can be healed by it as well. ive never ever seen anyone so humble.. as wud she say, "you will never see anyone so humble ever.. :)"

adibah. why did i include her? my batchmate.. i guess is coz she clicks in terms of maturity. i guess what makes it worthwhile mentioning her too is coz shes helpful and kind. shes one whos always on the lively side and just gets along with anyone greatly.. a good fren.

abi. the person whom i'd blogged earlier as one of the frenliest ppl ive met in brisbane, just after one meeting.. extremely sincere and open.. easy-going.. and shares thoughts as of any other fren wud..

haney. my ex-sgs mate. shes one whom i consider to be quite sincere and easy.. as for me and her, prejudice is always out of the question. we hate them. and i guess talking to her is like talking to a fren uve known for a very long time. as i said, sincere and easy to go by.

asme is a bit like haney i guess.. sincere and simple. well not to say simple but his simpleness is easy to comprehend, tats what makes our frenship comfortable. like haney, he is also quite a talkative person.

did i miss anyone? if i remember anyone else i missed, i'll update here.

for me, i admire their personality.. coz.. they are those who'd never create circumstances of negativity for any particular reason. and tats what makes personality so interestingly imprtnt to be part of everyday life.. when u live it good, live a good attitude, life stands at a more better place.. you'll fluorish.. till then. :)

*boredom ceased* *mental energy reduced 50%*

being one

2006-07-29T20:32:00.000+10:00

Balancing relationships with medical school.
click here.

albums

2006-07-26T17:28:00.001+10:00

Gigi Leung- Grown Up
released Jul, 25.
gigi worked with various artists such as jay chou, lin xi and tanya chua to create this album. some songs recommended are 'love song to myself' and 'beijing summer'. been waiting for tis album.
check this out. i'm the first :D

BoA- Key of Heart
release on Aug, 9.
BoA's new single after just lately released Nanairo no Ashita (brand new beat). too many singles already this lad.. but its all just waiting for me. :D heard 'key of heart'. its an ok ok song..
1) Key Of Heart
2) Dotch

update on life:
heheheh.. no comment.. :D
but where do i get the money to buy the albums.. :s

so far so good.. been reading 'simple steps'. a very good book abt how u can live an exceptional life by Dr. Arthur Caliandro, a spiritual minister from the US. chosen my courses: human endocrinology, molecular genetics in diseases, academic writing for asian lang speakers and first yr sociology. this sem is less pack and quite as free to say compared to the last.. been enjoying too.. enjoying 'healthily' in the sense.. living as ought to be..

been meeting some new faces in class.. attended a session on evangelical students.. hope to go ahead.. my pharm paper was already reviewed.. ok.. precise answers are tat vital.. and it was strict marking.. an average mark for a qn quoted the lecturer for his qn was 3/10. imagine if i got a 5 was tat good enuf..

these time, our batch of students.. hmm.. not bad.. i mean the malays.. :) i'll just oh yea and jocy.. of coz i still remember.. not! :D gonna watch 'almost love' tonight by Kwong Sang Woo and Kim Ha Neul.. tomolo is kinda packed.. :]

reached

2006-07-22T21:53:00.001+10:00

i'll sum it. i'll make it para.

many things to say. start with tis. came across two guys blogs, whom both are frens. characteristic emotional. bit similar to my way then. with their stature of blogging. display of naivety and struggling to be rational. yet my feedbck frm tis. all takes time. even maturity. n when u come to tat point, i guess all tat dont matter anymore. it doesnt matter expressing pastgoings but what matters is looking forward. for marlon, click here. for shah click here.

just came back. weathers fine. cold. let me express positivity first. after all the hard job today, thanks my hsemate for cooking dinner for me.. :p was a bit touched esp when i did not eat since the morning b'fast flight and came back home tired, withered after doing some silly business.. transferring luggage. its indeed tat i said was rite. w/o them i couldn have healed fast. one meeting with tat 15 yr old brightened me st8 after my withering moment of job. guess frm tis, attitude is very imprtnt. environmnt changes with it.

tomato has lycopene and anthocyanins, good for health. against cancer. egg has good protein.

tis para for the one in uk. -ve a bit u've shown frm ur latest msg. smetmes i do feel for u too. but a bit suprised wen u acted differently last.

ur blog was maybe posted quite recent and with ur msg. coz u rarely complain abt problems. thinking abt u will alwez mean positivity. thinking abt u wud alwez mean looking forward with spirit.
its coz of u i maintain tat strength of attitude and well-being. tat of goodness. and mei u taught me once not to think abt past memoirs again. how cud you not be like tat.. :)

b4 arriving here, i had a great time in sg. first time i hang arnd with a girl, one of my same batch who came here but she took accounting. her mom is my dad's classmate and we exchanged greetings at airport b4 knowing we had the resp to tk of each other in sg.

hah.. we took our first mrt ride. walked arnd taka, took some photos. and had dinner. i include her in my ppl with personality. shes very comfortable to be with. very much my type of fren. sincere and easy. very easily communicable. treated me mua chee. hah.

very much obliged for the surprise ys. thanks for planning it.. :p ys and jess gave me a surprise sending off at airport. jess, pwp too.. anyways very much tanks.

chak hon nee, also pwp. thanks for the smiling Buddha jade. shes sincere. and jocy, there's no excuse of not replying my msg just coz u wanna save 10c. hah.. do tk, i'll cya tis yr end. others thanks for the time spent in brunei.. heh. i'll work hard here.

im talkative when it comes to blogging. if i go to negativity, i think i can spill it all.. egoistic air passenger.. f* taxi driver.. rip me off! n had to make bus transfers. short-tempered bus driver. flat mobile. snobbish 3 mobile staff. cudn contact damit. make lugg transfers alone. withered. hungry. smelly mouth. you know guys. the list will go on.. :p

negative ey.. youre out. no more mentioning. lame.. blogging is pasting.. wanna live present.. shall blog less. in actual fact, i was tired.. now tat ive finished blog zzz...

farmie.. just arrived.. wait wait waitt.. :p

craps

2006-07-16T02:22:00.000+10:00

15th july- is the celeb of our sultan's bday. just got back frm bandar and had a magnificient experience of its nite festival. everywhere, the road is full of cars, streets filled with lights and traffic polices at avery angle of lamp posts. bandar is serene and citizens come out patriotically even at this late hour of the weekend to celeb their ruler's 60th bday. as for me, i happened to roam around after being mice-active post 3-hr sleep tis aft noon.

i revisited my school.. st.george's. whenever i step onto this place, i feel calm. its like reminiscing all the good things, the times when childhood seems none of a matter to the world and its between you and the things you used to aspire and cherish abt. back then, its me and my parents tat matters. hah.. i guess i just love and depended on them very greatly. i've been thru a lot too in sgs. the vast things.. its worth smethn to smile upon.

amongst the street lights, there are stalls selling food and malay delicacies. and i just had pork bun. i went to visit st. andrew's. it seems the whole church was gone to my surprise. i guessed it should be refurbishment. i had a quiet time at sgs. its been a long time..

these few days i admit i've been a bit moody. even my frens realise tat. now im a bit sick, getting recovered frm cough and sorethroat plus greenish phlegm. amoxycillin and benamine were what the doctor gave me :p.. guess the reason is coz.. maybe reason is coz. cant let go of the past at times.

i read thru a book given by smeone for my b'day. and one thing i came across was happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have. its so true. im never contented with the great time im now having with my frens and family, instead im always stuffing endless thoughts upon things that are no long useful to me. and all that. its a bit unhealthy.. really. if only i cud have some feedback frm ppl. but really im 21. im old enough to live maturely by myself.

going miri tomolo. gonna meet my cuz. replied jasmine just. was stern 2wards her in my reply, just for her sake. i thought she really needs to come out and help herself. i met jocy, lizzy, ys, 2 thomas, aurelius, kelvin, vincent, hon nee.. still one more is jess. i still hadnt had a post on ppl with personality. shes one of them. if im too bz, maybe i'll just leave her souve to ys.

must really seek tat part in you. i knw i will live a very different life next sem, as what i told sharon. coz things change.

eventually i.. i.. still know least, takes another sem.. for it to be gone. i knw i've disappointed many ones the same do as i know they've lived on. its always time to put it behind. and its always my way to mention them again, as its always been my weakness reminising them. i knw i can always count on time..

where's the graduation girl? :)

grads

2006-07-13T15:35:00.000+10:00

2 lovely graduations:
- my sis, graduating frm law in hull, uk
- shee mei, graduating frm chemical engineering in sheffield, uk

hah.. my sis requires another year of bar study to work in court.. mei is already a working person, going for one year work placement in uk. as for me.. heh.. life-long learning.. still a very long way to go! four years.. :s crap.. but ppl say the best years are still the uni years rather than when u begin work.. ;) i'll make use of it..

life`

2006-07-13T14:32:00.000+10:00

wake up call

2006-07-05T13:08:00.000+10:00

afterall- surprisingly met dibah here in brunei! thought i was the only one back, she had it last min to come home.. amongst the raveling rays of the hot sun in frnt of mcd in gadong.. haha glad to see her. i feel much better after chatting with her. she too is very positive. yea indeed, not a lot of us did well. just can't wait to enjoy now.. just take english next sem to pull up~ hah! :D ~ endpost-

after all these, i took out my pod.. i requested healing.. straight it brought out the 1st song.. good pod. track 6- cheer chen. like this song. how melancholy i am i thought.. & thinking abt the person whom i relate this track to.. how we cud have become great frens.. next track played by hyolee.. a new artist bringing abt a fresh feeling and a comfortable one, for which now i'd wish for.. a new life.. a less neurotic attitude.

my results came out. it was not very good, very much traumatic to say at first sight.. very unexpected.. many times i told myself how i ruled each paper.. and when it came, i fell quiet and deeply solemn.. it was the worst i've got of all the semesters in ubd + uq, despite thinking it was the best i've performed so far.. so wat u think i have to do? fall? mourn? i had to for a short while.. but no.. i still have to acknowledge the bright side.

im beginning to think how really all-round maintenance is tat imprnt.. last semester i did tat, but i kinda fall out this sem due to problems.. but really i've done my best and its all worth it. its how strict and competitive it is here. to relieve myself i'd think.. i expect tyng to get 7 in her anatomy and if she gets a 5, then i a 6 then i must have 4.. now i know 6 is always the perfect score.. im proud to have got 6 last sem..

if i get this result, im quite worried abt jasmine.. i really couldn imagine hers.. i just chat with sharon.. she's very very positive. i know i can get to mbbs even if i repeat this score next sem but i just feel disappointed really tat it wasnt expected. but with her, she said as long as we get thru and graduate, its all that matters.. its really not like its the end of the world.

i reminisced how really hard-fought it had been the past months, when i had to get myself 'back up' everyday to keep it up and work hard.. its so not easy and now.. im really really glad tat im thru.. for this i really want to thank those.. without them, i couldnt have made it.. thank my family esp and one person.. whom wud always remain in me as that spirit.. be positive and never to give-up.

haha.. im back anyways.. u know what.. i ate so many things.. and glad tat im in yayasan now.. i really miss visiting here and yest i just went to the mall again with ys.. bought so many cds and the cakes frm mum.. i passed by the mosque in bandar.. what a view.. esp now tats sunny.. and im expecting brisbane to be cold hehehe...

let me see.. can i update.. im glad tat i cud eat so many things and not be like a blob.. let me see.. mum cakes.. korean kimchi soup.. home-cooked codfish.. dumplings.. my grandma's dishes.. man.. >.<''' tph's beef noodle soup.. all the redbean and big pau.. nasi katok.. dairy queen's banana blizzard.. empire spaghettini's beef steak.. did i mention tat im going hk.. i think im gonna be damn spoiled.. :D i think all of you in aussie must be drooling... lolz..

thanks lizzy for the present. at least, it compensated the three exp bears.. jk. wish u all the best in canada. know ur goal, be a good doctor.. ok i think its long enough. compared to b4, now its been much better.. its always my aim to be less neurotic and to look forward to the good things.. heh.. im going hk.. im gonna enjoy it.. ikimas..

p.s. happy b'day sister.. joanne.. tan yuan zin.. haha.

306`

2006-06-30T19:01:00.000+10:00

heh.. happy b'day to me...

oh yea wanna update b4 i forget.. just remembered a few funny things b4 i arrived here..

at airport met one of the accnting students of the same batch as us.. had a chat with her.. smehw so happened we booked the same flight dates and airline the last time we came back, and now coincidentally we met each other again.. i asked, have i met you? it was with smiles, she replied, hah.. we came back the same time last year.. peculiar we had to bypass sg and wait for a few hours roaming around, instead of taking rba, such a funny feeling.

and an indian sitting beside me was doing his worship.. hah.. he’s in his senior age, being very conservative, he'd ask me or the stewards what time.. and when the time is right, he wud pray.. mumble.. heheh.. i wasn't really able to sleep much hah..

okay la. now its my 21-abt post.. heh.. its not tat i dun have the time in the world to have fun on my bday.. im gonna have it at nite.. i just feel i want to have in tis special occasion a time where i can reminisce and think abt how i've changed for the past 3 years.. and also anything i just feel to write as being myself, living my tis.. overexceedingly colourful life.

these past three years i can say have been the highlights of my life.. ppl say living frm ages 19-21 are the hardest times coz its when u start to find urself as you grow from teenage to adulthood.. it's also the time when u learn how to live according to ur way, the way you want it to.. i can say i've changed a lot lot since my college days in md..

i used to be a very self-centred person.. its when i found adi, i changed.. i began to instill love upon others.. frm tis, i learnt tat love is not just all abt feelings.. u can feel for her till the very death if u choose to.. thing is.. i learn tat other criteria also has to come to place.. its finding the right type tat finds the person in you.

negative i used to be actually.. :) im one person who's very much the type keeping things to myself till the day when i had to break.. i didn't realise the importance of frens till when i met lizzy.. its actually this two, lizzy and jocelyn.. meeting them is like finding the first ever frens of my type.. they had been thru things tat i was yet to go thru then.. its coz of them i began to sculpture my life more towards of my type and also one being fren-based.

hah.. i met some frens along the way.. jess is a very open minded one.. and i too relied on a few others.. of coz my true group of frens came soon.. ys, thomas and thomas.. felt quite a lot with them coz of the things we've shared and inspired together.. with tat just want to say with lizzy, I began to acknowledge the role of peer differences in relationships. i became more sophisticated and also started to express and blog by her influence.

my next highlight moment was independence. i got to Brisbane, where i started to live life by myself. its not easy being independent and its here where i begin to see many things, meet many different ppl and acknowledge its a harsh world out there.. frm these, i changed for the better.. i strived to keep myself on track, to find myself despite any influences along the way.. i learn to love myself and not just to mainly please ppl to make myself happy.. true happiness is what you have to search within urself; reinforced by tina.. :)

angelene was quite as badly influential as lizzy.. she's very much an infat, a foolish inspiration exaggerated.. with her, i never knew tat meddling relationships can be pretty much detrimental.. she used to be able to totally turn me over due to temptation. with her, i realised how important it is to appreciate oneself despite the fact she had me exp the other way and to distinguish between frens and community partners.

many times at present, i learn to appreciate the one i am now.. writing this.. expressing all these is my part.. it doesnt matter if the things i do is right or wrong in other ppl's view, as long as i know is rite tats all it matters.. its abt being who i am.. learn some things along the way..

erm.. happiness is to think, to do and to say things in harmony.. so now i usually think and do the good things.. positivity is always reprimanded in my mind coz its really really important.. and being content and realising how lucky u are and tat do you really have a problem, or just problem with society? don’t let anyone control ur life and.. emotions to totally take over you..

think of those who find tat person in u.. my parents.. nic.. my housemates.. they are all personality-wise very much saluted.. i really respect ppl with personality.. it tops my list on all occasions.. and love urself.. live life to the fullest while u can.. enjoy when its time, work when u have to.. realise ur goals.. as for me, I want to help others. step by step.. ;)

hehaehaehehah.. nicholas, my long-lost fren used to laugh like tis.. now i’m more personal-centred and more clickness-based. I see tat this post is more abt ppl and love. these bring abt the main changes of my life.. oh one more thing.. my perspective of love has changed.. :) I dun have to tell u guys.. I just find it funny I finally realised in the end.

one more.. if I dun mention abt u lin shee mei.. u just knw I dun have to.. and how important to have you as a fren, I dun have to say.. how much u mean.. its all here in the heart.. gambate.. ^^

going on hehe.., I salute two role models of mine.. gigi.. erm.. I had gigi since I was form 5.. she gave me a lot of inspiration and had me realised appreciation for life.. by her quote- tgh the whole world wud hate you, never ever hate ur urself.. and also her spirit and positivity along her chaotic relationship with ekin. and bcoz of her, I started to like singing.. :p

kwon boa, I salute her personality.. never ego-type of star.. very disciplined, her quote is to work hard towards your goals.. she gives everyone a very positive feeling frm her smile and excellent personality.. very brilliant singer, she brings me up with her cheerful songs- shine we are, no.1 and other expressive songs like my prayer and garden in the air.

hehehe.. oh ya update my food.. I ate.. fleur de lys carrot cake.. escapade japanese cuisine.. tk’s curry rice.. heheh.. sweet pop-corn.. nasi katok.. coffee bean’s cold chocolate.. gonna have empire hotel’s french cuisine.. heaheaheaheh :p im so lucky..

my bday.. have to think of somethn else tgh im not greedy.. no presents.. kesian.. jk la.. my frens sang me a bday song at 12am yest.. wahah.. funny. erm.. how long is this post already.. oh my god.. heheh.. anyways.. hai~ b’day post.. heheh.. erm.. hehehe.. ok.. gonna have fun.. itadakimas.. sayonara everyone.. :) gambate..

28.06

2006-06-28T22:16:00.001+10:00

:) back.

im glad to be back.. the feeling here is so peaceful.. the place is humid and wet the day i stepped onto home's soil.. i was greeted st8 with warmth b4 being brought to taste lucky's food.. hah.. home.

the past few days have been great.. missed my parents.. finally get to meet them.. :) and my frens too..

being brought arnd town.. still unchanged except the weather of coz, tat its more comfy here than in aus.. had a huge relief when i roamed around town, such relaxing atmosphere, being able to see my hometown again.. what a view.. sigh.. fuff.. seeing the buildings and ppl.. i love brunei so much.

had a double surprise for thomas planned by me, ys and thomas.. till he was stunned while we knocked his door one by one.. :__D glad to be back to see them again.. gives me a positive feeling and i felt so lucky to be able to exp this with them here again.. there were non-stop smiles and jokes.. i've alwez cherished this moments..

i've eaten.. lets see.. lucky.. dome hot choc.. thien thien chicken rice.. laksa.. empire's high tea of scones.. nice food cooked at home.. couldn't believe home's food is so tasty.. :p mameh's nasi katok.. swensen's banana split.. hehehe...

i've visited the mall.. missed the mall so much.. :D the grocery store below the mall.. bumped onto aurelius at mall on day one straight.. hah.. my mom's office.. korea restaurant.. the empire of coz.. not much.. been with mom for this while. today bought 1 litre namida for my parents.. hopefully they will get touched.. hekz..

tomorrow gonna have movie with the guys for superman premier.. then weekend gonna go to miri and visit my grandparents and cuz.. arh.. miss them.. haha.. next week, i think i'll meet jocy and lizzy b4 i go to hk on fri.. hekz.. must cherish this moments first heheh.. b4 i go back to work again.. ;)

hekz.. i'm gonna turn a year older in two days.. a lot has happened for each birthday for the past two years.. but this time, the bday seems more of a positive one.. heh.. im gonna be quite old- 21.. wonder.. i'll.. express when the day comes.. it's been a life for the past three years.. :)

plane emo`

2006-06-26T09:19:00.000+10:00

when i think back of the past, the tears will just come out flowing- 1 litre. when i think back of the past, i get emotional.. it happened on flight..

on transit nw.. the view of an equatorial sunrise is undescribeable.. expectingly, the leave this time nurtured some emod.. had penned a post on flight.. one which is full of undesireness and unwantedness.. been doing the same thing over and over, its just neverending.. guess its time to put a stop to it.

the glances changed. no longer which it used to be. ters no more tat heart, or is it.. ters never truly been. the world is so real.. reality is so harsh and direct. i wonder what i've done wrong. i really wonder what i've done wrong..

i just want to help ppl in the future.. those suffering frm incapabilities and life distortions. i keep it towards my goal and i will make sure it comes to place. i want to see them smile in the end. and peer judgement wont matter anymore.. coz this is who i am.. i know i'll have to do it sooner or later..

ters no use to argue.. ters no use to bring back the past again.. i still have to live.. i'll still live for the worthies and Him, in my way.. culture can be.. it just takes tat.. i have no more to say.. it will keep going on.. its time to spend tat holiday healthily and positively despite tat.. real fact of life.

in aussie, thanks jo for sending and being the only understanding.. thank the most to crystal.. i wouldn't have gotten out of dep without tat.. with this i end my transit blog.

two days

2006-06-23T21:03:00.000+10:00

smetmes i can be tis negative.. maybe im just tired~

lizzy.. ur conflicts match the same no as mine.. in fact, i never had conflicts before in my life, less only when love comes to interfere.. u had ur intention and u executed it.. we both lost the same amount.. in the end, what comes?
what's peculiar is you the one whos not being able to bring abt the kind of normal treatment a fren wud hope for, tgh i was the victim of ur harsh damned words.. in dec, i din mind those and hoped to come back as a sincere 'ko' if u wud like coz i always have this hope.. i guess after jan, you no longer matter anymore..

what's my point here.. someone did the same thing too.. she prepared a certain situation.. thinking it was the right way and had it made.. it caused a chaotic environment between us in our relationship.. and i dun even know if she knows hurting is a sin.. while in normal case as being tot im in a family, shes my sister.. guess the end din work pretty well.. it left a scar.. and as time past, i was beginning to think she's more a b* than a fren.. for the regrets.. for the things i've given up.. tats how intense the hatred is..

tat's negative part.. on the positive side, which i can make it is to think tat all this has past.. what now is now.. all i want now is anything not unpleasant.. anything bad, i'll def kick them out of my life.. this is now the way i live and i will only think abt the good things..

think i'm enuf negative.. guess it was just the syndrome of tireness.. hope i din go too far.. i was quite mentally withered and physically these two days wandering around town and having fun.. yest, i had a few chores done b4 going out with abby.. it was tat kind of trip tat i'd long to have and it was all positive.. glad!

it was quite fun.. we boarded the citycat and tot i needed a breeze.. we got in frnt of the vehicle.. the weather was absolutely tremendous.. it was cool and just nice.. sunset was quite serene.. it was like riding one of the rides in sentosa.. the breeze flowed and we just had fun by making a fool of ourselves with our hoarse voices.. :p

after a movie, we walked around the city.. i guessed it wasn't much after all besides knowing her craving for food.. i like the night's city view esp when we crossed the bridge.. the whole arena of lights.. you may think we are dating but i tot it was just a fun outing.. as for me, i'd never want a date in my life before i reach 25.. i promise.

then next day which is today, i had the best adventure of a lifetime.. i myself tried to get to harbour town.. believe it or not.. in the end.. yes i got ter.

it took this.. ride to the city train station.. purchasing a 13-zone ticket (imagine).. i only need one zone to ride frm my house to uni.. i had to get to this place called helensvale.. it was like a ride to seria.. it took one hour plus before i had to transit to harbour town by bus.. tien ah.. finally arrived..
should have brought my cam.. the place cannot be described in words.. one by one, i went thru the shops.. i bought four fila tees.. absolutely nice.. even complimented by my housemates.. just 4 for 50. so worth it. a khaki pants and a good blue outfit for 35. the whole trip had me satisfied but guess what..

i found my wallet lost once during fitting.. for the second time in my life here in brisbane, my precious wallet is saved.. the salesgirl gave back to me and warned me never to lose it again.. i already lost it twice.. :p (bit guilty actually. planned to buy things back home for tis trip. but to no avail. cant buy for sis or mom, i cant choose women's clothes.. dad has too many clothes.. i'll try tomorrow)

the next few days i guess.. was to prepare and pack up and do the remaining cleaning.. i just want to meet ivan and joel before i leave.. i'll leave after church.. so fast especially thinking how with this tedious life of mine has just past.. yawn.. prepare to call back home.. its getting colder and more humid.. raining.. soon.. i will see sunny brunei..

choc blog

2006-06-22T00:12:00.000+10:00

fuff.. still believe love story in harvard track 6 match her so much.. very angelic.. still tat was 'past'.

tomorrow having a few chores:
-spring cleaning, oshc renewal, bring books to 2nd hand bookstore, a movie duo, hair cut?

yawn.. was looking thru my past 2 mnths blog.. hmm.. hmm... :) never realise i'm tat complique.. do you..? tat was all just rationalising. which in the end, got it thru.

gandhi once said, living happiness is to do, to think and to say things in harmony.. plausible.. to think.. to do and to say.. what if u happen to do something or happen to live a life tat seems to bother you quite effectively, what wud you do?

when u fall in love and happen to fall in love with the wrong person.. u come to think whether u wud feel happy by satisfying the feelings.. and in tat case, if things do not follow upon a life of harmony in a certain relationship of togetherness, be it frenship or whatever.. then how ever wud you consider tat to be happiness?

smetmes we learn to count the blessings, not the troubles.. troubles make us or rather, our mind rusty.. even in any relationships esp during times of conflict.. guess during tat period, we learn to employ a certain harmony by looking thru a more positive perspective, looking at what we have and not what we don't have.. and only one real effort takes to bring the word 'content' back into place.

yawn 2x.. so funny when i saw ys calling someone a b* for the first time.. some b* who is so beautiful on outside but inside... a b* haha.. problems with relationship.. oh yea.. this post wasn't supposed to be abt all these.. been blogging for every 2 days now.. bored*

tis post is abt chocolates..
i put down every single bar i bought since.. since.. erm.. since..? anyways.. and i just had my first bar today.. but anyways should be a credit enuf isnt it? :p shee mei.. *five* i also given up chocolates.. haha.. lame.. but yea.. to tat extent.. and look.. delicious huh.. esp cadburies.. in the end, all will be in the bin.. :)

p.s. fin blogging.. then just, speaking abt conflicts in relationship, i happened to witness an argument next house which ended up in a women hurt.. all the man cud say (frm what i heard, and it was real loud) was.. f* off.. it went so loud for so many times.. the women ended up sobbing pitifully and begging.. i witnessed a similar event when i was eating at mcd..

my point is.. tat's all what he can do? f* off? hai.. you ter.. if all you can do is f*, then just go f* and leave tat poor girl alone.. it was aggressive and violent.. it was abuse.. well.. see.. tats wat i mean by the importance of harmony.. think abt it. it's two-sided..

tis rain~

2006-06-20T21:22:00.000+10:00

it's rainy season now.. reaching as low as 13' degrees.. i stayed over at damit's place to sit for an 8am exam the next day.. weather is humid, soil is damp.. air is moist & the place becomes too tropical to be a brisbane nite.. it's getting cold..

and during then, had first mental stasis.. it was influential for tat nite, predominantly when i was going thru studying.. couldn't make use of it.. good tat it din happen for the past 3 exams.. i shouldn't have attended.. but it was lame for an early exit.. esp to my brothers.. so reminded me of care grp.. it's been a long time.. i couldn't take it.. i had to..

but good tat i managed thru it the next day.. after all, i'm predicting one of my mates will get 7 for anatomy.. i think it's quite possible for 'them' esp the two.. when i saw how theory and prac was not tat bad.. i'm anticipating i won't get a 4 for any of my subjects.. but with hope..

i felt much relieve.. fuff.. it wasn't an easy life esp.. when i threw my mind and determ st8 to decision-making which led me to totally change over.. i envied myself in fact.. but this blog is meant to thank ppl instead of making myself feel proud.. it's them i needed.. tat's why i'm thru..

for this semester.. wanna thank~

- mom, dad, sis.. w/o them, i guess i wouldn't be here..
- sm, one litre of tears.. former, unconsciously countless of times has been tat motivational and strength factor.. saved me twice.. latter, tat drama had me changed me over..
- housemates, crystal and her mom.. w/o them, i wouldn't have realised the wonders of sincerity and humbleness.. & which for them, i thank them tat i could get back up subdued to their caring nature..
- student union, suzanne..
- ivan and joel, for times of confiding..
- damit, for academic support and all personal support..
- abby, for being an open-minded fren..
- tina, for sharing similarities, reinforcing my stand.. woonchin, for a lil' bit of humor here and ter..

and lastly, myself.. for tat change of lifestyle and positivity.. the bravest thing i've ever done.. not subjected to peer judgement and pressure.. but only to appreciation for who i am.. guess i needed.. tat change. anyone i hadn't thank.. plse do see me.. :p oh yea.. kwon boa, gigi leung for their wonderful songs.. on my ipod.

aso.. wah.. fuff.. heheh.. what am i gonna do the next few days.. surely~ it will be one whole spending trip for my bruneian relatives.. i miss brunei!!! spell.. b r u n e i.. i po i po.. gambate.. haha.. oh man.. im very sure i have two posts in mind.. one- people with personality(pwp) and the second- a yr past.. the second one.. hai~ very interesting.. how things have changed since i had my last.. whatever.. :D

okay so~ buh bye~ oh yea.. thanks sharon for making this post possible.. happy holz to all~

its just..

2006-06-18T21:12:00.000+10:00

playing on before you said goodbye.. i admit.. i've been very positive.. or is it had been.. these few days.. these past weeks and wasn't just.. i dunno y.. probably is it coz of the environment or am i just too tired? i really credit myself for bringing on a positive perspective to my life after a downright straight fall... but now seems like, tgh i wudn't have to confide in blog, i feel i had to let a bit of emotions wander, just to compensate for being quite strong ahead..

i felt the past is coming back again.. till ter seemed to be an outburst of the past feelings.. and i just exp smething not pleasant.. smethn negative.. and tat is.. hatred. i couldn't help feeling the way i do.. proly the past had dealt with me in such a strong way, which had me questioning, rationalising all i could.. why is this happening.. and i was damn-right hurt.. so damn right hurt tat things did not go rite.. (frenships)

even now.. i gave up many things just for tat.. i fear i had to confront her.. the only thing i cud do is.. to treat her as *dead*.. sad.. just for the sake of my well-being.. but i will def make sure all these will come to past.. it just takes time.. and i won't act or feel negative anymore coz.. i just want this to come to past..

just had church.. damn right pissed tat my shepherd did not give his testimony.. it changed last min.. im beginning to feel different upon the church.. and just dun feel rite abt some speech.. i hope i dun quit church just coz of this.. i love the church.. i just want it to be in my way and God's..

gambate.. shee mei finally sent me a msg after two weeks.. i wonder when is father's day.. i will try my best to cont for this exam.. then i really really.. want to make use of my holidays.. even enjoy it more than the prev two.. thailand had some bad memories.. kl too had me mooded for some frenship.. this time i'm free frm any of this.. but have one.. whom never failed to put on tat spirit and positivity upon my life.. so frm ter i adapted tat way..

i miss my country.. my home.. i will be ter soon.. in one week time.. by-passing sg..

its worth

2006-06-16T22:43:00.001+10:00

tot its worth to blog atm..
just had 2 exams for two consecutive days
total withered.. its good effort.. :)
2day's exam's not as good as the prev 2.. hope for 6

just struck my mind how imprtnt is positivity
& the count of blessings each day
to live on fully & not to forget to gambate~

make a smile to relieve ur soul
search urself.. sing if you want fully
and pat urself for good life.. :)

just to cut short.. how the lyrics of this song really is amazing..
mimic tina's.. note the lyrics*

GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed

performed by Whitney Houston

I believe that children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my need
A lonely place to be and so I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed at least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all

And if by chance that special place that you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in love

pharmie..

2006-06-14T16:30:00.000+10:00

having revision at the moment..
just funny when i come to think of having to remember these three drug names - cyclophosphamide, cephalosporins, ciprofloxacin.. oh man..

& a list of 60 other drugs..
i just love pharmacology..! :D

cold & quin`

2006-06-12T08:22:00.000+10:00

cold.. brr...
God saved the queen.. its her birthday.. but God didn't save me.. forgot today's a public off-day when i walked out of the cold, arriving at a deserted bus-stop.. :d

happy b'day sharon.. u're old already.. not young.. so plse stop playing with dominos everytime when ur b'day comes ok? domino's pizza is alwez ur fav haha.. where's my gift? lolz.. jk.. u want ur gift? let it be after exams.. gambate girl even during exams.. :p

tis week.. 13, 15, 16.. 3 exams.. gambate.. do ur best.. hai~

a lil' more..

2006-06-09T15:50:00.000+10:00

this is winter, isnt it? i admit its a bother to take 3x the effort to get out of bed than on any other warmer occasions(just exeggerating) get tat touch of giggling water on ur face.. make ur way thru the cold, gusty wind and to be taken for a 25-min ride along the winding indooroopilly road b4 finally reaching tat place called UQ.

it takes tat optimism and to say the least, i've been quite optimistic tat this has been repeated on a day-to-day basis.. while yawning and settled in a corner, ass on a cushioned seat, face in frnt of the paper or screen(for hours) b4 time to get home, awaiting for the chores of the house, have a good night sleep and find urself the next day, doing the same thing over again.. smetmes just questions u.. 'when is it gonna end?'

life revolves around academy on my part of life, unto which i have put utmost priority such a way tat i've given up a lot on other aspects.. i've given up fun.. given up having to make frens or go to gatherings.. given up on self-consideration for religion.. instead.. discipline has to be instilled and u just feel nonetheless odd, going thru a life of ur own.. just wonder how cud it eventually succeed w/o tat drive and endurance and most importantly, the support by ppl who'd instill love.. just this moment, only i tried it all, to keep reminding myself..

smetmes u even wonder what if u couldnt please certain ppl? what if they end up discriminating w/o tat understanding? i just knew i had to cont on.. just when u tot how lonely life can be, u should learn to count the blessings.. thanks tina.. i love her quote- have drive, have passion, have a purpose and be humble..
*really essential*

i was reading one of my senior's blog.. it was humurous.. just some way she makes fun about a physical examination.. 'yay! my first tumor.. oh wait.. it's metastatic and u have only six months to live..' crap.. :p they'd started to buy their own stethoscopes, costing around $200 each.. it's quite interesting to see tat excitement in tat course of life.. nonetheless, interesting on the other, when you get to see the nitty gritty behind it.. :p

she writes at 1.33am, on a fri nite, on her withering mood..
"it's just one of those nights where i'm at home and wondering how the hell did i get here. WTF am i doing here and do i want to be here."

"when will all this stop.. just a lil' more, just a lil' more, just a lil' more.. how many little mores will there be before its enough?
No skiing trip because this is fu**ing medicine and every bloody second counts as gold, its not undergrad anymore..
I'm wondering if i can see this thru.. this is wat i wanted isnt it? this is wat i've been working towards isnt it? i dun understand why then am i so unhappy?"

but.. at the end, she admits occasional breakdowns like tis are necessary so she cud get her system rebooted the next day.. i guess tat's wat the life of a medic is.. hope she doesn't mind the plagiarism.. :)

hah.. i guess its time to go back to work.. on a fri nite.. all in all.. amongst the cruel glances, there are smiling glances and thoughts of you frm somewhere.. very sure~

1 litre of tears

2006-06-06T22:03:00.001+10:00

i was browsing along jdorama when i popped into '1 litre of tears' forum.. the series is just fascinating.. with unbelievingly exceeding no. of comments and all with no.10 ratings.. it was not curiosity for me coz it has laid an impact upon my life.. couldn't believe huh? indeed it has brought me up frm the very depths..

just want to thank lin shee mei for sending tis piece of drama to me.. it changed me over.. thought it's worth it to post some comments written by others~ :)

Dont take things for granted [Rating: 10/10]
I think everyone should watch this drama regardless rather you hate sad stories or not. 1 Litre of Tears really touched my heart. It made me viewed life in a different way. It made me want to live on.

1 Litre of Tears [Rating: 10/10]
This jdorama is so very special to me. I haven't cried like this since I was about 7 years old. It's one of those rare and precious stories, which is both joyful and painful to sit through at the same time. It's a story, which makes me feel lucky to be here... and well.

Prepare tissues [Rating: 10/10]
I think this drama is the saddest thing I have ever watched. I've never cried so much while watching anything.

Looking at life with a different perspective [Rating: 10/10]
you get to see life with aya's eyes. this drama is amazing. it makes you want to live life to the fullest and help those around you. you'll be surprised just to watch how aya puts everyone else before herself and humbly wishes to help anybody, especially people like herself when she's really the one that others should help.

the family's reactions are touching. her parents, sisters, and brother are extremely loving and caring - a perfect family. and asou-kun. you'll grow to love this guy lol. btw, the music is like SUPERB, i couldn't stop singing it in the shower, to sleep, and even in school. the acting is incredibly awesome (go erika!). although i must admit, if there was more romance..just a little more, nothing too huge, then i think it would have earned a true, perfect 10. i know that's not the objective of the drama, but wouldn't a well-rounded drama be the best? =)

anyway, you wouldn't want to miss this! it doesn't matter if you like dramas or not. watch it lol. if you hate touchy slash sad dramas, watch it! you don't actually cry because it's sad; you cry because you feel amazed by aya's humbleness and the cares of her friends and family.

This will make your life THINK TWICE. [Rating: 10/10]
When i first read the synopsis, i thought it is just another true based drama which have been overdone.

And after reading those reviews, I thought those who mentioned it must be over exaggerated. How can this drama so dramatic and left impact on some viewers??? So I decided to buy and watch it and judge for myself.

I wasn't that thrilled after watching episode 1. I found it quite normal and nothing so sad about it. It was the episode 3 that makes the whole drama the turning point. That was when you realised your tears flowing out so easily. That was when your heart starts to feel sad for Aya.

In this drama, it reflects how cruel our society is.

When Aya is down with the deadly disease, you can see how friends keep away from her.
You realised how fortunate to be a healthy person and the ugliness of public perception at those disabled.
You can see how her 1st boyfriend shun her despite that he knows that she suffered from the disease.
You realised friends are NOT forever to help you, they will feel 'tired' one day and give up on you.
You will understand the strength of a family support. That kind of strength that support till the end and never ever give up on you.

I thought Precious Time is sad but not until i watched Beautiful Life. I thought that is the saddest drama but that changed after watching Orange Days.

And i thought that's it. Enough of sad dramas.
But this was really a DRAMATIC drama, as a guy, i seldom shed a single tears for watching drama. (dun say.. even keith does.. lolz)

For this, i can't help it but feel sad for Aya.
and yes, i did shed 'a few' tears. She really motivates people with her strength and quotes.

Favourite quote:
"While other people struggling for their future, I'm struggling to live."

Heart moving, heart breaking : a must see ! [Rating: 10/10]
The fact that this drama was based upon a real story makes this truly heart moving, even heart breaking. Honestyl, I couldn't help myself crying when watching episodes 2 & 3. I guess the rest of the series will be emotionally painful. I also have to emphasize the fact that Sawajiri Erika's performance is exceptional.

The best drama !!! [Rating: 10/10]
I started seeing this drama becasue of Ryo>.<....but later on,i continued this drama because of the touching story and characters.

tears will always come out, without you recognizin [Rating: 10/10]
this is a Jdorama where you're going to have tears flowing down from your eyes, without even you recognizing it!!

wut a story!! definitely not one of those cheap sad story, and will definitely stay in our mind for long time! the main lead actress, Erika Sawajiri definitely DID more than a great job. the way she acted is real!! Here we come, the next Japan's superstar, ERIKA SAWAJIRI!!

This drama is definely a life-altering series,this drama tought me alot about life,about not giving up ,about treasuring my friends and family...this drama is REALLY sad~~~i really cried 1 litre of tears...i always dislike this kind of sad-ish series,but,this is the 1st sad-ish drama that i enjoyed watching even if i cried about 90% of the time watching it.

a thought..

2006-06-05T20:22:00.000+10:00

today is monday .. life is getting busier these days .. preparing for next week's exam.. weather-wise getting colder.. esp in the mornings where u just can't get a moment off w/o a hot drink and simply these days eating out.. not much time and effort to stew..

tina is giving me the impression tat we have clicked minds.. her mind.. the things she think and write in her blog, they wouldn't be written by a person w/o tat stature.. i almost agree to every thoughts of advice and principles offered and what more.. she's a christian..

i've been working.. just stuffed nose due to the cold weather.. but progress is fine.. taking a moment break, i put on a video to watch.. one scene just led me to tears.. i wudn't believe anyone will not cry watching this.. it's just touching and more.. it led me to inspiration..

i was thinking.. i'm living independently at the moment.. yet in all.. it's been challenging.. what is there more? i still have 4 more years to go.. can i make it thru these years.. even my mom wud want me, for the sake of her son, to come back for work and not suffer.. it's this tat wud want me to go on further.. everyone takes things step by step.. and i'm sure i'm not greedy.. i just want to keep it up.. and go on when i still can..

now living the way it should be.. just for an excuse.. not to be sad anymore.. a smile wud do.. just to keep it up high.. and be sure.. it's always to search within urself what u're looking for and not to occasionally go too far..

full june~

2006-06-02T10:32:00.000+10:00

wanna read a story? click here.. :)

tina

2006-05-31T12:50:00.000+10:00

Keith,

Yeah I know what you mean,
I believe I was in the same shoe as you a couple of years ago too.
Don't live your life pleasing everyone but live a life that you can please yourself at the end of the day. After all, it's your life to life and life it to the FULLEST without regrets. I'll says follow your heart. :)

Best wishes,
tNa

music`

2006-05-31T10:58:00.000+10:00

music.. songs.. they are part of life.. tat includes my singing career. heh~ it’s many times these modalities bring company.. during times of events.. ups and downs.. happy and emotional.. it’s part of tat touch to the ear.. the mind.. heart and soul.. music is just essential to life..

time constraints.. having a break.. eleven pm.. the nite is solemn.. let this post be musical.. :)

music genre:
sentimental, pop, jazz, musical

most fav:
boa- my prayer
gigi- I live in 7A

emotions:
boa- goodbye, my prayer
gigi- 慌心假期, 情定日落橋
cheer chen songs
love compilation’05

enjoyment:
boa- pit-a-pat, garden in the air
gigi- suddenly this summer, kiss me

dreamers:
final fantasy
piano spas
jazz

heal songs:
hill songs
boa- shine we are

if you say music doesn’t have feelings.. can’t imagine each of them has a unique track ass. with it. let this be somethn to remember..

1st- And I love you so, 慌心假期, 情定日落橋 - gigi
2nd- 可愛女人 - jay, 吻雨 - stella
3rd- 华丽的冒险 - cheer, love story in harvard (track 6)
4th- Have urself a lil’ Merry Christmas, 11 days of Christmas

experiences..

five days

2006-05-29T16:52:00.000+10:00

five days.. three more weeks.. it's getting near.. then i'll be home

it's now 4.50pm.. it's coming evening.. skipped nap after my mate got me out of sleep for help in her work.. usually eve nap is my common routine, thinking it'd regen myself after a long, tiring day.. have been doing this since.. to stop my mind frm thinking too much..

now awake.. i looked out of the window.. what a view.. the crows call.. wind slam on my face.. it's getting dimmer by the second.. what's significant is the overlook out to the sky.. orange n light blue illumination.. serene.. remembering the times in macquarie.. it was spring then.. n dusk..

the past has always been detrimental.. esp recalling the times when it wasn't so good then.. the present itself has also never been true.. fuff.. i somehow just thought that things really have changed.. i'm no longer tat person.. my perspective of some things has changed.. for some reason, i couldn't be the person i used to be..

but i'm living.. it's indeed true when u still have ur life.. it's best to live it fully.. i just feel it's just another time of me.. not napping.. and being.. tis expressive..

p.s. i'm not like most i know..

how i wish..

2006-05-24T21:01:00.000+10:00

How I wish.. I cud…

-turn back time..
-slipped an eye and treat like nothing’s happened..
-return to the place I feel like home, not a hotel..
-forgive & forget..
-be so entrusted unto..
-have st.lucia as a good impression..
-have a more secure stay..
-not have been thru what I have..
-not have seen this- @
-drowse and dwell into the past 4ever..

but then.. I need not worry.. coz I’ve wished for..

-now..
-life’s joy..
-a future...
-love frm the worthies..
-all now that I have..
-the best.. a change.. & I’ll move on..
-myself & Him..
-a goal.. just tat goal..
-future wonders, not past memoirs..
-you

just exact one year b4, that msg was passed.. and how tat msg is still unbelievable as of the person today.. dwell.. same exact time, it happens.. for the past three sems.. for no reason.. life.. security.. what do they mean? i chose the less lively path.. just to achieve what I need..

guess I should satis.. turning down three chocolate bars.. in three weeks.. a record.. how cud I ever remain stronger without you? not tat u’re gone.. I fear you would be.. only if I wish to be tat lively and peaceful.. but.. what’s life if u just can’t stand? by urself and Him..

Psalm 17:4

I call on you O God, for you will answer me;
give ear to me and hear my prayer.
Show the wonder of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.

Keep me as the apple of your eye;
Hide me in the shadow of your wings
From the wicked who assail me,
From my mortal enemies who surround me.

The past is indeed detrimental.. just one thought.. one thought could harm anyone at all. I just feel.. I have to live it now.. and really not dwell abt it anymore.. coz the past is still the past.. reality is at present.. may these words, last, encourage me..

‘What’s wrong with falling down?
You can always stand up again..’

‘As I think about the past, the tears will come out.
People shouldn’t dwell on the past. It’s enough to try your best in all that you’re doing now.’

-1 litre

livin this day`

2006-05-23T14:38:00.000+10:00

Before you said goodbye to me.. listening to this song on this day.. the song is so much like 'garden in the air', the song which i repeatedly play in my new days here in brisbane- blue house. reminiscing.. seems like this day is free.. worked hard on assign for the past 2 days and 2day, the mood is rather.. soft and relaxed..

smetmes i just wonder.. if reminding abt the past or the things of the day tat just past and spread it in words on blog is reasonable.. seems like what i knw.. we shud be living so much of the present and cont to go on.. looks like the past has past and u just come to anticipate the future and what lies ahead.. detrimental may be the outcome of blogging the past.. it seems the mood can be changed frm it..

i remembered brisbane as a nice and beautiful place. i also remembered myself as a naive lad coming to a new town and exp indpndnce for myself.. i could clearly still remember the days of blogging.. which seems to reveal a 'freshman' rather vague and experiencing things that seem to pose as challenges for him.. he never knew how to handle such things, neither nor he knew he should ought to be himself.. he writes his blog in such an immature and new way tat seems to interest many ones.. but now clearly he knows tat- emotions should not be meddled simply by expressing.. but emotions are ought to be moulded in life..

what i mean le.. heheh.. is.. we live life simply la.. need not be a freshman acting like he's so complicated and sophist.. bleh~ :p i was riding a bus.. the songs frm my ipod seemed more likeable.. gigi and boa.. i was enjoying.. being myself.. and when sentimental tunes came, i felt for it.. i went feeling.. it's not unpleasant as of the past.. but it's more like.. heh.. feeling for the worthy one..

many things to say.. cont.. since i'm on break.. heh.. i remembered being pampered.. so much.. well.. i could say like this.. oh.. thanks to him.. or to her.. now what i wanted more was thanks to myself! i finally knew myself..! n smehow i remembered.. whenever i was saved, i would write to feel that i'm glad.. but now i feel.. it's just life that should cont to go on and maintain that maturity.. knowing and appreciate the state tat you are in.. someday u might not have the tendency to be where you are now..

i'm being expressive now i can see tat.. and i knw it's not really a good thing.. it's time-wasting.. frm my exp, the rate of postings wud be directly proportional to the emotional level.. like how i was in dec.. like how lizzy is now.. heh.. u can say when we get emotionally hurt and unstable, we spread out words of immaturity like fire.. haha.. i was thinking.. wow.. i was like tat.. :)

u knw what.. sincerely i have to kanxie a few ppl.. my china housemates are like.. me.. too kind.. they offer too many korean series.. and while i offer them hayao miyazaki's two latest works.. and recently bought 'princess mononoke'.. well and u knw.. tyt.. and u knw.. lin shee mei.. but.. well.. it's still a long road ahead.. it's so much of maintenance and keeping track towards that end.. so much.. and knw which frens to please.. :D

lame.. haha.. cut out~ time to sleep.. time to exercise.. and time to get back to reality.. emotional boy~ ;) just.. i looked at cass.. i never knew it's her...

med stud

2006-05-23T11:41:00.000+10:00

i went across medscape and found this. it's like this thought that suddenly submerge and challenging me to think abt the years to come. really i've already been thru most of these stresses which i thought may be already enough but i think there's more to it in a medical student life. it's really helpful to see the things i'm gonna expect soon..

Confessions of a First-Year Med Student

Pin-Chieh Chiang -- I study too much and yet never enough. I would love to be the gunner in the class, the one sitting in front who knows the answer to every question. But I’m not. I know I definitely don’t want to be at the other end of the spectrum and so I’m not. I am somewhere in between.

I feel disconnected from my friends, old and new. My old friends are job hunting, working, eating lunch, clubbing, bar hopping, dating, etc. They sometimes contact me and I always say I’m studying. My new friends from medical school – well, we are always studying.

Except, I’m not always studying. I study too much and yet never enough. I sit with a book in front of me. It’s opened to the right chapter and maybe even the right page. But really my focus is on my computer screen. I play free cell, shop online, download music, draw cartoons, read articles (medical and non-medical), and most of all I pretend I will start studying in the next 5 minutes.

I’m late. I was always a punctual person, but now I’m always late to dates, dinner, movies, and even just going home. In fact I choose the later date to turn in my assignments. My professors understand.

This whole year I’ve shared a lot of laughs with my classmates, but mostly I’ve worried, stressed, cried, and lost sleep over medical school. I’ve worried about the year passing by too quickly and too soon and that I’ve barely learned anything. How could I ever handle the 2nd year?

Now it’s here, the last few days have come and I can’t wait for this first year to end. Somehow I’ve survived, have passed and am passing all my classes. I’m ready for the summer and for next year. Next year, I plan to study too much, but probably not enough.

May 21, 2006 in Pin-Chieh Chiang Permalink

See what others have to reply:

1) Ada,
This is something that just developed in med school for me. In high school I studied "exactly enough" to get the grades I wanted to make sure I could go to UCD. Then college started and I had to fight a little bit more for my free time. Yet on top of being the typical premed, I still had plenty of time to hang out with friends. I don't want to deter you from high education. Still you really should not always feel like this as you go onto college - (maybe only around exams time). In med school - it's different. I have to say that no matter what I love being where I am and doing what I'm doing. I'm exactly where I wanted to be.
Posted by: Pin-Chieh May 22, 2006 5:02:10 PM

2) I'm just finishing up my gr 12 year of high school right now, and you know what? that entry is an exact description of my entire year! I really hope that my case of "studying too much but not enough" is really just because I'm getting sick of high school, but I have to ask, were you always this way or did it suddenly develop in med school? And have you found a cure yet?
-Ada
Posted by: Ada May 22, 2006 4:10:24 PM

3) I`m a medical student in Mauritius, and i just ended my second year, last week. I`ve been reading your entry, and I realised I had been through the same things as you. I guess most of the medical students have been there. You see your hig school buddies who are always out at nights having fun, while you gotta pore on your anatomy book. You see your friends organising outings while you must stay back and read about physiology. Well pal, life`s like that. To get out of those depressing thoughts, you need to have a hard look at your priorities. Remind yourself of why you had chosen medicine as your career. Then remember that you can do extracurricular activities too, you only need the desire for it. I started a parallel couse in cooking and took up yoga lessons. My results have not gone down, but instead improved. This is because I`ve found ways to relax, to get rid of the stress and to learn how to channel my energy. I hope that you`ll be able to do the same. I wish u all the best
Posted by: Charlotte May 22, 2006 3:55:57 PM

4) Dear "1st yr medical student"...I'm a 3rd yr medical student from Iran/Tehran.I think these are not much big problems when you can get what you need for going ahead so easily.Then, what remains is a problem of your own abilities.I guess u'll learn what u should do,it'll get much better in the next years.But studying all the time is not a good way,it's better when u study when u really WANT to. Anyway,wish u luck.
Posted by: Innocence May 22, 2006 3:20:19 PM

5) Great comment on the physical diagnosis buddy. I have a patient partner buddy for OMM class. Initially it was like "what do you mean we have to meet every week and play doctor/patient?" Just taking out a few hours every week for this assignment seemed like a big deal. But it turned out to be a great way to stay grounded, make a new friend, and practice OMM.
Thanks for the comments!
Q for 2nd years - should I even continue my gym membership next year?
Posted by: Pin-Chieh May 22, 2006 2:02:14 PM

6) Seriously, you need to chill. If you're spending too long ambling around ebay (i know the feeling all too well!) make a decision to get out, do something useful and go back to your work after an hour or so. go to the gym, call a friend, go for a run, make some tea and watch TV for half an hour- anything, but you'll feel a lot more productive if you only sit down when you're determined to work and do something else when you're not. Medicine isn't all about studying all the time, unless you want to burn out. There's plenty of time for all that work in a few years time, for now do the work you have to, bond with your classmates and learn how to relax!
Posted by: emma May 22, 2006 6:15:56 AM

7) Luckily for me, I had no access to the internet until after leaving medical school.
It was still a comedy of errors (and terrors) though, sitting up all night reading and re-reading the same paragraph in my physiology text or handout because my mind had long ago ceased focusing, out of sheer fatigue.
Or, trying to finish a dissection after class, knowing it's Friday afternoon and your friends 2000 miles away are playing paintball and quaffing beer, and you're literally and figuratively hog-tied by the many clutching, tangled, matted cords of the brachial plexus.

It can be a very lonely road, but there are little tricks and reprieves for almost every situation. Let your sense of humor and hopefully some camaraderie with a study buddy lead you back to center. If you can, choose an elective in a clinical setting or a preceptorship so you can let the real life clinical applications put some wind in your sails.

One thing that saved me, my 2nd year physical diagnosis buddy knew what coffeeshops and bars were open really REALLY late in walking distance from the house so we could go down, hang out for about half an hour, and then go back to study. Not really to drink, just to feel the cool night air on our faces, let our hair down for a few minutes and let the regulars know we were still alive. It's breif, but it still made us feel like we actually got to go out and DO/SEE something.

If you only have an hour to give, find a friend and give them an hour, catch up on old times, reestablish ties, do silly stuff, etc. Do this as many times as you can with your various friends and family until you can make it to freedom and the end of the term. Visiting hours at the state prison may seem more luxuriant, but every little bit helps. Every. Little. Bit.
Posted by:_ May 21, 2006 8:23:11 PM

bliv'

2006-05-21T21:31:00.001+10:00

yup it's one week.. nope i'm not wrong.. :p just feel tat probably it's too busy to blog for the moment.. who cares.. give it a shot..

past week has been good and im living quite well to say.. hmm.. let me think abt what went thru the past week.. ok.. test paper.. the assignment.. both did well.. more assignments to be done.. tat's it.. i guess tat's most of it kua..

and more life has been very positive.. hekz.. if not for my housemates, i wouldn't have healed this quickly.. well, sort of i needed care.. now.. i'm beginning to like malaysians.. they are so not so different.. just two frens giving me a good impression.. :)

i felt that life flows thru the path of challenges and experiences.. and i feel that probably it's most important to maintain positivity in every aspect despite the other way round that one's facing.. u know.. there are indeed disappointments in life.. but the most tat it could mean is to try to live the best and go thru each day, while tat happens.. who knows one day, it will turn good again and so you dun have to waste life during the process.. :)

i learnt.. well.. the lamest thing u could ever do is to leave ur life deserted.. kwon boa and gigi leung are two good examples.. they are role models.. and it seems always mindset is so important and lifestyle.. and as i've mentioned, tina's def for success is the most upright way of defining life.. with love, bliv.. that you can make it thru in everyway to the very end.. tat love tat makes it worthy.. and reliable to think abt..

mom's day

2006-05-14T20:05:00.000+10:00

just got back frm church.. feeling a bit tired.. see what i'll have to say..

what is success? just got back frm a read at tina's blog.. she has an interesting definition for success.. here it goes..

'I've always felt that long term success is about living our lives on our own terms, achieveing things that are important to us and most importantly, helpful to others. Success is about stretching our limits, and occasionally going too far, falling on our face, and picking ourselves up to try again. Certainly, success is about having fun and using every bit of our time and energy to do useful things.'

'So folks, this is your life. Live your life to the FULLEST and don't let anyone dictate ur life..'

-clicks my mind suddenly.. that's really what success is all abt.. getting back up again.. :)

that brings me a step on towards thinking.. i'm having it 'for' myself.. opp of against. lizzy's pep-talk had me realise.. lots of unfavorable, unworthy arguments, tat seem to be more 'against'.. she's so different.. or to be lenient, it's not wrong tat she's different.. it's the matter of knowing who you are..

i'm feeling a bit profound to see those replies i make in her blog.. couldn think how i manage to do that.. :) my concept of love.. debating on all.. i'm sure if she doesn't agree, i know someone out there does.. love is not always ALL abt feelings.. if you come to think of it.. it's more of that responsibility that u choose.. it's more like discipline.. and it's so unconditional.. u can love anyone.. but it's you who know who to love.. i hope some ppl wud agree with me..

i dunno.. if i describe myself as being mature, my fren wud retaliate.. haha.. 'those who act to be the most mature are actually the least mature ones..' haiya.. among the three of us, i guess it's so apparent that we know who's the most la.. ok.. count my thomas in also.. four.. haha.. in comparison, who has seen the most? :p

someday i'll find my type.. it has just begun tat i know myself.. i've grown a lot as compared to a couple of years ago.. my priority stands now.. din think emotion wud ever come.. but a 'healthy' one can.. tat's my aim.. one step by one step.. i po.. i po.. my voice still remains.. but my singing stretch improves.. as long as i try.. that goes the same with my lifestyle.. have to.. jia you~ :)

happy mother's day~ smetmes i just feel very glad to have this mom who's so caring and loving.. being borne in a family which so never fails to give the best to me and my sis.. just love my parents.. heh.. so contb this time to them..

thank god for this exp.. tgh i couldn't serve Him. i'll still worship Him.. :)

now macam.. i guess i'll start planning.. not easy tapi.. four more weeks.. it's good i could cont to strive.. just for tat goal.. and thanks to one again.. ^^ :)

signed~
keith

early~

2006-05-12T07:36:00.000+10:00

really think.. it's all bt being who i am and who u r...

it's sme pity to think when u just couldn't get connected with someone.. and it seems unworthy in the end after filling those arguments and still knowing somewhere, it's just not rite.. in fact, it's a pissed feeling also to think anywhere that i'm wrong..

i'm truly standing upon my decisions and i know myself very well.. tat's probably the reason why i stated the difference.. the difference between us.. i used to be a lot undecisive, accepting facts and opinions, unduly contributed by my surroundings.. now it's really the matter of living frm one's own experience and instincts and just being who you are..

many ppl are so different in this world.. couldn't really bear to think of it.. among the ppl that i've known.. frens.. ppl here in aus.. it so that matters, u just feel uncertain abt certain things and their way of life tat u start to doubt abt urself.. tat's when u begin to feel the most unright feeling.. and u ended up being discriminated.. i guess it's life.. we just mix with similarities..

but for love, somehow why is the picture different? why is it tat we can lose ourselves so easily for the ones who'd totally render mind-conflicts? the case is so unexplainable.. i guess we live to mate and generate the population.. by some living theory of science.. just couldn't bring that matter to an end..

i guess maybe i'm just tired or just merely awake.. it's a 7.30 post.. :p leaving to uni soon.. today buy pork.. heh.. go for a jog.. and start preparing for exams.. ciao~

heart talk

2006-05-10T19:47:00.001+10:00

i think it has been five days.. been busy completing assignments and doing some academic work.. it's not exactly stress but it's a bit tiresome to go thru uni life each day.. but to me, there's a goal behind it.. therefore, tiresome can be replaced by challenging..

so with this less energetic state of mine, i'm more prone to blogging.. it's when u get tired, u have more things to say.. u become more emotional than any other time.. i agree most immediately tat emotions and well-being are co-interrelated.. it's when u get tired or stressed with certain things, let's say academic, u might find ur emotional state where u thought nothing of real emotional circumstance seems to be bothering u at the moment but they just come for no apparent reason.. u know.. the so 'past-tense' which is so fake to the present.. being in a cycle, the versa thing can happen, emotions can also affect ur well-being..

feel to express a bit.. probably letting things out for the moment.. realised so much i'm no longer the naive person, which i used to be then.. it's when u feel that part of self loss, u stop being naive.. and till only when u realise the world is drastic.. it's a harsh world out there.. then u know.. u dun live for the sake of everyone.. u live for urself and some others.. but my personality stays.. only my attitude changes for the world.. a period of reasoning and pubertic transition.. it's still me..

when i was replying a post or bringing forward the past experience with one fren of mine, i just and always will have this impression tat.. we're so different.. our interaction is always based upon arguments.. and we're so different in terms of our views and demands.. i've never ever liked her way of living life tat includes her attitude and anything of any sort.. but i guess one thing remained was my personality and the past friendship.. leeshi was probably one of the major disappointments of my life.. din make it real clear till she confessed.. she's one reason why i changed so much to become more realistic..

i guess i put too much hope on her for the last few months of last yr.. it's like tat sincerity of thought.. hey.. din i think we'd get back together like how it used to be.. i was anticipating a lot in fact.. heh... dun wanna look back to the past anymore.. forget the hurt..

i'd loved b4.. tat was my first love and we went thru.. emotionality and tat includes all the later events tat i've gone thru.. being emotional is not the thing which i hope for anymore.. healthy emotion is what i meant by.. living a life with tat capacity of care and understanding.. in fact, i'm never good in romance.. my concept of 'love' now probably stakes at more of interaction than flirtation or hopeful thinking (infatuation feelings). if i wanna love, i see that person instead of totally letting my emotions come standing over me.. if we can't even interact or be frens, how wud we expect to be mates later...

i've been thru hurt a lot.. emotion is probably, at all cost, the last i'd ever think now for any relationships.. even frenships.. my fren once argued with me.. what is love if you dun put a 100% in a relationship tat seems to work and it seems all fake if you just dun love her with all ur heart.. i'd argue with him for hours thruout midnight.. at centerpoint.. :p how cud u ever forget tat self in u.. think abt the consequences later.. he wud thought i'm a rather negative person..

giving all.. is not probably the best thing to do.. being emotional and so-deadly in love kind of attitude is not always the way to go in any relationships.. i'd let him off easy coz he has never been thru first love.. :p anyways.. to me.. now is all abt being who i am.. seeking for tat joy in life.. and tat priority in mind.. being positive.. being in all goodness.. being all who i am.. i dun rush for feelings.. if i do, they'll just be a blind-fold around me.. not knowing myself anymore.. coz i knw in life, i have to still love myself.. and love those who love me..

angel was probably the worst experience i've been thru.. well maybe not.. all three in fact, laid very deep impacts upon my life.. as u know, i was damn bastard sincere then.. i used to be a lone-sheep b4 her.. and it was not until this year, when i went thru a period of suffering.. struggling for forgiveness.. i couldn't accept the way how she treated me then.. it laid a deep scar on the inside.. every sight of her is just hatred.. felt so much hatred.. till i just dunno why i couldn't control.. even anticipating her presence or her appeal.. it's just so affecting...

frenships.. feelings.. why can't they go together? i envy one of my frens and his fren, whom i knew abt their ongoings.. and their way of handling the situation is so much more mature than any other that i've gone thru.. what's wrong abt feelings really if frenships can't even come thru along? well.. to me.. i just dunno probably ppl are different in this world.. if tat's romance what u want.. then go get it.. i'm fed up of romance.. damn sick tired.. but good it has allowed that change in me.. i know what i want now.. for the future.

see.. i told you when u get tired, u have more things to talk.. :p erm.. well.. funny i guess.. heheh.. i'll leave my personality to do the rest of my talking.. yes..! finally, after a lot of hard work and endurance, i've managed not to eat a chocolate bar for one week.. haha.. erm.. i, in fact, on two occasions bought two cadbury bars but then.. tried to put it down.. i'll leave it beside my bag or on the table for display.. so i have the satisfaction of looking at it rather than eating it.. :D guess it's a better feeling to successful avoid eating them rather than to infest them, thinking they wud help to boost ur mood up..

kay.. it's long enough.. cont next time.. ciao~

friday~

2006-05-05T22:46:00.001+10:00

today, another day.. a friday.. and weekend is near.. the only thought in my head is.. pharm assignment.. and balance.. :) today is typical but for some occurences tat are lovely..

tis morn seemed to be cold. grabbed a hot choc. stood by the balcony where the toilet entries are. waiting for lecture at 8.. bulged the toilet door, it's locked.. so waited by the fence, overlooking out to view many uni students walking along.. one good thing abt standing in frnt ter is.. u get to see a funny impression and similar actions.. :p one girl walked past and bulged the door, while i stood frnt.. to her failure, she bloated her mouth, smiled and went off embarassly.. another girl, this time a caucasian, came a few minutes after.. same thing.. this time, tried.. then bloated, turned to me, smiled.. while i nodded my head, b4 she smiled again and left.. lolz...

anyways.. good things happen today.. i had a dr's appointment at around tat time.. went and checked in.. but waited for quite long.. which took me some time after a half-hr delay.. surprisingly, the doctor felt for my wait and seemed generous.. he gave me free medication samples for which i needed.. and which i need not have to pay.. heh.. save a hefty 30 bucks.. so he relayed humourously, 'it's not a pain, isn't it to wait?' :p

still i managed to get to class.. its cool, i'm beginning to catch up with things.. and taking care of myself with good life management.. plus tat instinctive maturity tat seemed to be more intact now.. arigato~ the cafeteria self-serve sandwich was a rip off for 4.75.. haha.. oh, i must have put too much heavy stuff like the avocado, as they count per gram.. nevertheless, i had a good breakfast.. it's what life can offer for simple satisfaction heheh..

after class, i went to indooroo shopping mall for some errands.. not really an errand but just some interest for an occasion.. heh.. while i was filling a card on the bench, an old granny was analysing my heart.. i took some time off to fill in the card, in fact it was for minutes.. while focusing, i can see frm an indistinct view tat she's staring.. i turned to see her smiling.. heheh.. after done, i still saw her looking at me with a warm and smiley face.. she must have thought abt how a good boy i am.. i guess u knw what i was doing then.. :p

i donated 4 bucks to star children foundation, purchasing their pens.. i guess i wud someday love to help instead.. one of my partners in my group work was volunteering.. i just felt sympathy everytime for elderly and sick children.. and kids.. babies are damn adorable when u see them.. hah.. definitely not paediatrist.. couldn't take if i make a fault.. still a long time yet to be a GP..

what else? i guess tat's it.. i successfully.. completely did budgetting without missing anything tat i spent.. cool~ heh.. continuing to live life.. life is good.. LG.. with tat mindset and lifestyle.. ciao~ :p

full..

2006-05-02T21:18:00.002+10:00

a typical day.. but filled with life.. as in 'life' tat's not full of wonders and joy.. but life as in itself.. that is meaningful and yet miraculous.. isn't it cool tat i'm living nw.. 'transform your thinking, see life for the miracle it is and focus on living not just existing' - quoted frm sanity savers.

it's a full day indeed.. and after all this, i'd just want to thank a few ppl.. the class was a bit early after 2 weeks of after-8 sleeps.. determined to get up.. reminded of well-being.. wanted to make sure i'm well taken care of with that balance.. for rejuvenation yet just making it as a normal habit each day.. skipped b'fast to catch the bus.. got to class at 8.. 1st lecture.. then had cafeteria sandwich for b'fast..

was planning all the way as a step-by-step thing.. taking things slowly & orderly.. kay.. wanna do this first.. went for assignment hand-in.. printing lecture notes.. surfing mails.. making appt.. helping to make sure i do the things i needed.. i had an exam at 5..

bumped into this person i've been mentioning lately.. which seemed like we didn't have class till noon, so went for a chat.. think it was for like 1 1/2 hour.. one thing i just wanna say abt her.. she's sincere and coincidentally, i never wud ever regard her as being similar to me.. but after talks for long, i found out we're just like clones.. it's rare indeed to find ppl like us..

we're.. or rather us.. we just.. well.. she's wacky but nice.. on the other hand, i might be crazy a bit but.. i do that, most intentionally, for some sake of putting smiles on ppl's faces.. she likes making ppl happy too.. she's a chocoholic.. i am too.. but she's far worse than me.. 3-4 bars a day.. and in tat morning itself, she has already taken 3 bars.. god save her..!

we just doubt some things, by which one way we clicked.. characteristically-wise, we are similar.. sincere, open, hearteous.. i dunno but i rarely wud have met anyone in brisbane so as sincere as me but guess who's the other.. hmm.. same experiences.. losing ourselves just for some bit** (it's jerk for her). well, i can't really curse.. it's not anyone's fault by nature.. it's just difference.. :)

but yea.. one thing she makes me realise is that.. it's not worth it.. losing ourselves for ppl.. (especially feeling-caught ppl) tgh it's just so hard to find ppl who'd make you think you're not the odd one in this world.. just be hopeful, you'll find them.. and agreeable some ppl aren't meant to be frens at all.. bad impression, bad experience.. just by getting along.. just acceptance and letting it behind.. coz you're just who you are.. :)

but great to have her for some talk.. and for reinforces.. 'we're beautiful on the inside, they just dunno..' may be lame but very agreeable.. :D after leaving her, i went for lunch.. on my mind, i wanted to start budgeting.. str8 after lunch, met with damit for revision.. it's great to work with him.. wanted to prepare, so we just dwelt into revision and discussion for 3 straight hrs.. imagine the energy spent.. 2 hrs chat, then 3 hrs revision.. during the time, i had some cadburies and snicker bars.. more energy wasted.. (do you ever know eating high-cal food like chocolate just wastes ur energy.. it wastes not only energy but health, not the heart.. :p)

straight went for a half-hr exam.. it was a so-so thing.. but i thought i did my best.. :) i was so blundered in the end, i just felt like not doing anything.. fast-food again for dinner?, i thought.. dun wanna spoil myself.. went for some groceries in the late hrs of dusk.. it did help me with some satisfaction.. in the end, i make myself a good sandwich with lots of lettuce, ham, cheese and omega bread (good for the brain) i'm healthy ey.. i think we need constant fibre to keep the bowel going and fluid to keep the mind afresh.. :)

imagine how stressed i was, i just cont to maintain life.. i think tat might be the way.. i even did budgeting.. 33 for transport.. 25 for food.. tgh i knw, i have not reviewed my anatomy for tomorrow, there's still time.. i haven't played.. quoting ss, 'we should leave some time, even for a few minutes everyday, to just play.' but it's ok.. blogging is some sort of my hobby anyway..

i just want to thank a few ppl.. tat i've awaken, i won't fall tat easily or at least i wud try not to.. wanna thank my family.. for making me realise my goals and self.. wanna thank someone who finds me back and had me starting to inspire life.. wanna thank that sincere person who seems to be similar.. :) wanna thank a fren and brother who supported me emotionally.. wanna thank my sincere frens at home who'd make me think of them and thought.. hmm.. what life.. :D and lastly.. just wanna thank whoever i've forgotten to thank.. oh yea.. sister.. my sister-in-law.. not tat i've got a brother.. it's my sister.. the best of luck for her graduation..

11.19.. being mature i guess it's not so simply said for short.. okay gtg.. live life..

labor

2006-05-01T21:48:00.000+10:00

what's with labor day? heard china is famous for it, having three plus days of break just for this occasion.. a communist country who relies on its man power.. interesting.. anyways.. breaking fast, tomorrow starts classes.. and i'm just taking steps now.. one step at a time..

wanted to have a post for food, the chef talents that i have and asian.. i only cook good asian food.. hah~ but not nw.. maybe soon.. just thought of saying a few things again.. realised that fact of maturity for the past two years.. manz.. so indecisive yet.. unstable.. never had a stable stand for myself anywhere.. used to be tat person who's in the process of finding himself.. got so obliged with losing his soul and self till one day he just got mad.. and fortunately, the light rekindled back again.. luckily he just managed to get a grasp..

im satisfied with life nw.. probably used to be taking things for granted.. erm.. someone had me realised.. :) and being myself- relating yet again to maturity, so caught up with the world till i had to lose myself.. this is too ugly.. not gonna force anyone anyhow for just being different frm me or tat i have to be different frm myself.. ppl are different in this world.. just to acknowledge the difference and accept.. no need to reason..

but one seems to have helped to find the self in me.. skip topic.. :p assignments finished.. fortunately, i make use of the two weeks.. one more pharm to go, then i'll just go for books.. tomorrow.. a test.. then the eve, have to get some groceries.. and rest and prepare for new prac sessions and just do my pharm.. life life life.. is good.

just..

2006-04-29T15:23:00.001+10:00

just some..

1 to go.. changed the outlook.. looks better nw.. i've been writing.. practically not knwing how many visits are there.. but i just write.. wonder who reads them.. written are facts of my life.. and as do a reflection of my individual personality.. the events, feelings and just.. all abt life~

looking back.. i was childish.. b4 i was a person who's just so urged to make things rite.. i just want everythn to be good.. i wud let in issues.. seemingly not rite.. rationalise.. reaching for the best.. tried to compromise, reconsider.. resolve.. round and round again.. they come as it turns.. round my mind as it goes.. not seemed like any second or hour it'd ever end.. it just happened to make life so so complex...

i wanted the best frm ppl.. i wanted goodness in relationships.. i tried hard to be in accordance so that i'd claim to have made an effort in crediting towards frenships.. i dreaded at every staleness.. and ended up not knwing myself anymore when tat happens.. but i thought.. how can it be normal if everythn seems to turn out rite.. there must be really some things that can go bad as life isn't perfect.. but still.. it's not as bad as u wud possibly think..

i wanted to know myself.. i tried so hard to find that life in me.. seeking for that part tat wud being peace and joy.. trying all ways.. rationalising the world out there with their displays.. and taking them in.. compromising yet again the irony of things.. wondering how wud ppl think of me? what if i'm not with them or not like them? i'd seek for love.. why isn't there much around.. why am i feeling that inner disatisfaction and self-loneliness? why..

life isn't what you think it wud be.. open ur eyes.. think of the ppl around u.. have u forgotten ur frens? ur family..? have u forgotten those self-interests in u.. how bout ur goals? haven't you got anything in mind where you wanna go and what you wanna do..? haven't you thought about what you can do and others in the world out there with misfortunes who couldn't do the things you can possibly do.. can u walk? can u breathe? do you have an incurable disease? do u have problems with money.. do u find it hard to live each day, worrying abt whether you will have a plate of meal on the table? do you ever really think you have a problem? ask twice.. do you ever really think you have a problem..

then why bother abt those little tiny bits of unrest! where are you?! you have money.. you have food.. you have health.. in fact, my life has always been good.. only to be ruined by thoughts tat i'm not good.. i have the best frens.. who helped me to find myself.. i have the best potential.. the best future tat life could ever offer.. and at most, i have time.. i have hope... you dunno whether you'll live on another day after each tomorrow.. so live life to its fullest.. just for urself and for those who find love in you..

i'm cancer.. that's why i'm a bit of love-concerned.. but it's lame to have it on me as a guy.. but i treasure it.. :) neh.. b4 i go.. just want to intro a site.. feels good to visit and inspires for anything abt love and frenships- http://99percentofthetime.blogspot.com. And lastly, post these words of inspiration as quoted frm '1 litre of tears'.

The other side of suffering
Ikeuchi Aya

Everyone feels pain.
But surely after suffering, satisfaction will arrive.
Even with sports, studying or other ordeals.
With life, it's like that for everyone.
If we can beat the pain, on the other side,
a rainbow of happiness awaits us.
That will definitely become a treasure.
Let's believe in that.

Step by step
Ikeuchi Aya

When my existence seems to disappear,
I will look for the place where i can do the best i can.
From now on, I'll deliberate slowly.
I won't be impatient.
I won't be greedy.
I won't give up.
Because everyone takes things step by step.

gambate~

2006-04-26T19:51:00.000+10:00

hai~ gambate~ i know u can do it.. i shall see you thru too...

today is not really a typical day.. maybe just for a few things that makes up the day? today is damit's birthday.. so we celebrated in guyatt park by giving him a surprise.. i din turn up for the surprise moment tgh.. but yea overall it was fun with them.. wished him all the most for a wonderful 27th birthday.. the food was so nyaman.. ehsan cooked the soy sauce chicken and the kangkong belacan.. ahya.. and azim cooked tofu.. the asian food really had me digging into it with much heart.. haha.. then after we played badminton for a while b4 i went to uni..

arsenal reached the finals.. yea!! so exciting eh.. i love the team and really hope they would beat either ac milan or barcelona in the finals.. then they would claim their first ever champions league title.. but it's gonna be a trembling moment kali ah during the final match.. i'm gonna watch it with my arsenal fan partner, khai.. haha.. but that's of coz straight a couple of days b4 the exam.. ;)

assignments i still got macam two more to go.. tapi.. yea.. i will try my best to finish them tgh these days i just feel like sleeping all the time, not doing work.. hah.. truly macam the urge to work seems to lower down a bit due to problems and crisis.. tapi.. i really want to show and make it thru.. i know i can do it.. so hopefully this week do one, then next week the other.. then start steady revision.. my juniors contacted me abt accommodation.. guess will reply this weekend..

one thing which gave me the encouragement to do well is that i'm going back this july.. heheh.. miss my family and frens.. and my hometown miri.. but i won't tell my frens abt it.. hope to give them surprise.. you thomas also dun tell ys abt it arh.. the other is that thought abt a fren.. the drama she gave.. 'a litre of tears' really inspired me a lot especially watching and knowing it's based on a true story.. as long as there is time, there is hope.. and it inspired me how strong is that person with cs degeneration disease.. it also inspired me to go forth with much interest in my career.. i know clearer now what i want.. i want to cure ppl..

that fren is definitely one which i will always think abt goodness.. she picked me up then the same month last year.. this time, this moment.. i won't fall, just reminding the words she said.. the effort she made to try to pull me up.. gambate.. gambate.. like how the japanese ppl in the story would say.. its indeed motivating.. jia you.. gambate.. i won't ever give up with this heart of support.. i will not...

i met one person.. indeed i reinforced myself b4.. i know who i am.. yes i know.. while i was in the city the other day having a space out, i reinforced myself.. seeking the positivity.. seeking myself and seeking the effort to think of others who are there for me.. making myself sure of what to do the next few weeks.. planning this week, next week and all.. indeed i just want to be myself.. i was blessed with this meeting with the person..

remember i mentioned the frenliest person i've met since my last arrival here in brisbane.. she's a sri lankan.. she reinforced me indirectly.. we didn't have a long talk but we straight forwardly had some expressions among each other.. she reminded me that i'm a nice guy.. haha.. i was thinking.. and i said to her.. duh i know i am.. yup i am.. haha.. and she likes talking to me? but yea.. she is one who's really the type that i like to talk to coz she's not just wacky but nice.. she had her doubts abt care group that's why she didn't go.. abt the matter that problems make us stronger each day.. i also told her it wasn't good for me either, that's why i didn't go to convention.. i just doubt many things.. many aspects which seem not right for me and my life.. i'm just glad to have her as a sincere and positive fren with smiles..

this is a long blog ey.. hadn't write something like that for a long time.. and with that different emotion.. more positive.. i still eat cadburies.. seldom cook nowadays coz of laziness.. but i try to soon.. just want to give support for those who find it hard to go thru their assignments.. like sharon? jia you.. gambate.. know u can do it.. sorry for not contacting you for a long time.. miss those times on the phone.. that reminded me of jocelyn.. she's very independent tgh she's plump.. but how can she ever be condemned by those words frm her relatives when just that she thought well maybe fatness is ugly? who knows u won't be crushed? i know one who does.. lolz.. for me, being fat.. oh man.. i couldn't remember how many 'plump' ppl i'd already fallen for.. tgh i initially thought.. no.. no.. never would i marry a person that big! hahaha...

heheh.. guess i'm beginning to show some kind of cheerfulness.. thank god.. i think i should give a call to thomas.. the first one.. never called him.. and lastly.. shee mei.. gambate~ ;) ok.. that's for today.. a change~ :)

heh...

2006-04-25T08:12:00.000+10:00

heh.. blog again.. set free is set free.. but life is life lo.. u know... i just feel hehehe.. again? what do you mean by that? i just feel heehee.. it's scary though to think what that means.. but i reassure i'm not crazy.. :p the word sadness takes a times to heal.. and i'm glad i'm going back again to the basics.. maintain.. maintain.. being the sz/keith who used to be the most positive person i've ever met.. knowing his way.. standing firm.. being one with an open heart..

he is such a sincere person i thought.. wouldn't have been the influence of life around him, would he be the best ever display as a role.. an individual who knows the way to go.. i guess life is always a reminder.. maintain la.. maintain la.. heheh.. who cares is lame.. at least the whole world hates me.. i'll never hate myself.. heheh.. that again is a courage word to cope with..

i might be going back to brunei lagi this.. june.. coz i miss my family and frens so much leh.. awu.. benar.. haiya.. dunno macam life here doesn't seem to be life.. need to be reenergized.. remotivated.. reloved.. tapi.. i know its still up to me to make it tgh.. miss all that's back in brunei.. ahya.. need to rehabilitate again...

frenster seems to be deserted nowadays.. maybe coz my frens are in exams.. atu my mood to work seems to be deteriorating.. maybe coz im healing? tapi just wanna go thru this semester dulu coz i know i have been blasted away kan.. try hard.. miss the frens tat i used to share life with...

wanna thank some ppl in brisbane.. i and j.. thanks for being there as support.. life is no easy thingy tapi.. just live it.. live it the fullest dulu.. and see what happens..

opening~

2006-04-24T21:45:00.000+10:00

feel like blogging.. just wondering how many ppl have been reading.. tgh i know some who do.. not putting it on site but some who knew my blog's add.. feel to express a bit of inner feelings..

feel the least healed.. feel graceful again.. and feel back again to the one frm above.. i knew i couldn't make it without Him.. tgh i usually take Him for granted.. knowing the times b4 when i just live it on my ways.. letting myself having total control over myself.. desirely not having a good outcome as i went out of control due to my inner desires and expectations.. God came again to control me.. limit me.. and set me free.. renewed me with a new heart.. and yet a new life~ that story i couldn't more describe in words but more of a testimony to others.. it's just amazing...

i feel i have been very very.. undead.. usually seemingly feeling unstable most of the times.. overwhelmed with the same thoughts and undesired past all over and over again.. which not only affected me deeply but.. putting me into a state of lifeless soul, only to live the next day, feeling unstable again.. thinking what would happen to my life.. worrying.. feeling sad and burdened.. in fact, my desires have been so overwhelmed till it swept me totally over.. when i just wanted something so badly but i couldn't have it.. it looked like it's never gonna be an ending process.. searching for happiness.. seeking for security and feeling just that life is all the same.. working and sleeping and facing problems.. that changed in a moment when i asked.. "who are You?"

my dearest shepherd saved me again.. he is one of the most amazing ppl i've ever met.. not that i know till the day b4 yesterday.. he knows, and God knows.. what's the best for me.. he knows it not easy being a christian, living thru all the problems.. but with problems, what more can u say abt his way of looking at it? looking at the big picture.. knowing that how God can change him, indeed he has been changed, and putting trust on god continuously and knowing Him for who he is, despite the life circumstances that are around us.. indeed he used God's love to shower me, and persisted.. didn't give up on me and supported me.. questioned me.. "why let this affect you so much?" i felt so deeply touched by him and so with his continuous counsel, i never saw so much of a maturity display frm him ever since b4.. he is just amazing..

i fell again.. i questioned.. this is not my life.. during the early morning, not even when the sun has arised, i held my cross and asked, 'Father.. who are You..?' i just teared.. i have even forgotten Him.. i let all the worldly circumstances to bother me so much that i even forgot His presence.. i just so felt that im not a christian who used to joy in Him and love Him.. being blessed all the way with calmness and not condemned by selfly and selfish desires.. 'i forgot You Lord..' sigh.. i just thought.. 'where were You all this while?' my mind was really going into the depths.. i just felt so so.. so.. lost before i thought.. and i have been so astray.. praying to You with problems.. asking You for things yet to be disappointed.. but Lord how can i ever forget that love You have on me each day earlier when i was here so early the beginning of last semester.. "why have i taken you for granted?"

i never felt this much of courage to return.. to Him and to church.. i never treated Him as close since my last arrival here.. soften the heart.. i never worshipped Him with such focus on Him and knowing my purpose here in church.. i thought i could kill it away.. stopped everything with the sense of 'knowing how to..' and i was just so wrong.. it taught me so much to not go by this way again.. and even go thru those things and maintain them.. and the only way i could persist in doing that is thru Him.. coz i know those things may be not a desire by my personal self but those are what He knows is the best for me, same words as what he said.. my fren and mentor.

indeed He has set me free.. i know i couldn't have done it by myself.. tgh i just know i have to pray each day now.. to be more like a christian.. and to stop being a 'know-how' failure.. i just thought really nothing is ever my main priority now.. but maintainance is.. for each and every aspect of life.. i learned so much now.. never ever grudge again.. never ever lose it and cut off things you never can handle urself.. grow now.. spiritually.. never take Him for granted.. never ever fall in love again.. that's the last thing i'd ever put in my list.. except for God.. my family.. tgh i love my christian family here as well in brisbane.. :) unconditionally.. thanks God.. ask for support and change.. ask for that strength like the Rock that will never be battered by the waves nor ruined by wind.. continue to learn frm Him.. and never ever take Him for granted again..

i love my dad and mom.. love my Father too.. heheh.. i wish all in the world would be filled with love, just unconditional love.. and that is what makes the world go round instead of flat.. problems will never be problems with Him.. i just realised.. and the finale is.. on this day.. 23rd April, 2006, i'm finally set free...

nothing~

2006-04-22T21:56:00.000+10:00

i have nothing to write.. for today... absolutely nothing...

heart~

2006-04-20T21:33:00.003+10:00

pain rite.. to feel cared..
pain kan.. the grudge..
then pain enough.. hurt enough?
you deserved..

apa lah.. mcm ni.. nda bahapa.. can't do much..
these few days have been the most hardworking times of my life..
tpi the stress builds up mcm 4 2day, i've to break a kit kat.. cm banr.. jklau nda.. the motions with an e- come filling.. gila tu.. no reason.. stress kali ah

pa lgi.. caught scary movie 4.. aha.. after taking a two-feed at kfc.. enjoy plg.. tpi sygnya stu org ja.. no fun.. more fun if wth my frens in brunei liat wayng.. slalunya ckp syok ja.. orng blkg pngill shh.. lol.. those were the fun times..

even when i was talking with thomas just yesterday.. we missed the times when we're in brunei.. really those were the times like as if mcm u couldn't find it anywhere here in overseas lgi.. haah.. cm miss those guys.. really miss those times of real frenships.. skrng all here is so much independent dah.. everythn mesti liat.. bagus baru blh ikut.. jahat plg ketagihan.. just feel mcm.. life here lbh harsh.. everythn's direct.. it's here when you exp the whole world.. it's back home when you feel you're home...

bah.. nothing else to sigh abt lgi.. life still goes on.. regardless of what happens.. what will happen and what would not happen.. apatah mest jga sendri.. go forth.. liat wayng kah.. sepak bola kh.. mkn chocolate kah.. apa lah.. i thank my family.. i praise my housemates.. and i'm glad.. i've found one..

chap chi~

2006-04-18T21:42:00.000+10:00

gile er.. stress ku.. mcm ketagihan ni.. work's piling up and working for hours.. the wonderful hot season pluuss the hot room pluuss the cold library... and that mood.. hah.. nice~

snickers for the day tapi.. scared kena diabetes hehe.. cadbury mcm arah favouriteku.. i forgot to bring my ipod for today arh.. at least i dun have to.. like i'm really concentrating banar.. housemate ku bah ckap arah ku until aku syok cham.. nada mood kerja udah.. haha.. but well at least i'll take it as a blessing.. :)

law library atu.. tandas nia.. wah.. the best in whole wrld.. lol.. ermm.. apa lgi.. pump it day dah bagus... bagus till saya harus kerja lgi.. masak hot dog.. masak matahari.. saya pun kana masak.. main frisbee.. main captain's ball.. main football.. sepak bola kena orang.. kena marah 'f***ing shit!' inda lah.. nanti kena apologise jua haha..

main winning.. mcm syok jua.. mnang smua kawan-kawan bah.. oh ya lupa ku.. tempat roma street parkland indah eh.. especially during matahari terjun(betul kah kata?) ada orang kahwin di sana.. wah.. aku pun mau bawa girlfrenku ke sana satu hari.. lol.. the treess.. the flowers.. the ducks... :0

assignmentsku batah lagi.. cepat lagi.. tiga kali ah.. satu haruskan siap esok.. inda mau procras dah.. skarng dengr musik BoA.. apa lagu ni.. Kono yono Shirushi.. apa lah.. manis di dngar.. stress pun hilang.. ckap mcm ni.. best jangn takutkan orng.. nanti kena dickp orang gila.. hah~ :D

good friday

2006-04-14T23:26:00.000+10:00

couldn't fall asleep no matter how.. mind's so active, maybe coz of the afternoon nap.. today still seems normal to me.. same routine.. work.. households.. good cook.. work.. sleep.. then more work.. and just prac staying home for the rest of the day.. tgh i should have gone to church at 6 for good friday.. hmm.. try next time..

i think i deserve some credit after some work.. let sat nite and sun be an off day.. pending-on three assignments to hand in after easter.. that's a challenge.. a more work-oriented holiday.. life goes on...

fruit of forgiveness.. green, pale, bright.. flowing from ur heart to mine.. slowly.. swiftly.. towards my heart.. when will that time be..?

okay la.. tat's it.. time to play and sleep.. lol.. why is she always that funny.. :D

a week~

2006-04-13T20:51:00.000+10:00

a week has past.. and now it's the start of my two weeks of easter break.. where probably i'll be needing a bit of reminder.. work.. work.. and maybe just some fun? the least like sports kah.. or maybe with my biomed batch org going for trips or coast.. well.. let's see..

the past week hasn't been easy.. yea.. it hasn't.. it's those times where i just have to keep on going forth, reminding myself that.. look no matter how hard, you know you're doing the right thing.. you know some things have to just be left behind.. some things that no one in this world can change but it is only you who can.. the past memories.. the goodies and the bad points.. they come often to remind me of how lonely and less lively now i am in.. but only to be reflected by another perception that you're going on the right path.. you're doing the right thing.. you're being urself and that is what's important..! i can see how hard it is to even open a book and read when you just dun feel like doing it.. but i went on.. and the result is ever challenging..

fuff.. and that goes for change.. in fact i never changed my life b4 in a way.. used to be still the same old naive and sincere person.. now i've changed.. i'm more into loving myself.. no one can please me better than i do.. so why bother to put hopes upon ppl instead of you? i'd be more protective now.. and i know it sounds a bit immature kinda thing.. but i guess in reality nowadays, we all are direct and harsh.. there's no every good thing in this world which comes without that hard work and strength of persistence to achieve it.. cares who if anyone doesn't bother.. cares who if anyone hates me.. cares who if anyone just dun care.. coz i dun care.. i care for myself...

fuff.. this week is a bit productive.. i like this way.. and more into households.. got up in the morning to wash and hang the clothes.. i can cook.. finally~! at least now i can.. not a few weeks ago.. i'm starting on fish.. and it's pity i just had mee goreng and basil fish yesterday but it looks nice.. :) then today.. wahah.. the best.. veg with lamb meat.. lol.. 'lame'.. anyways.. this is the simplest things life can offer to make a smile on ur face.. :)

studying-wise seems to be better for that week despite mind-set problem.. i have been thinking if i had done just reading earlier during the semester, i would be better off now.. just skim reading and know how abt each lecture.. and again.. biomed is not an easy course eh.. so many things to catch up.. but i know there's still time.. i can.. :)

thank god i have the best family housemates.. the mother and daughter who just seems to be the most frenliest.. (wrng grammr) ppl in town.. i had about an hour plus chat with them at nite in the living room and we laughed and just tell stories abt our countries.. or maybe just teaching the mom a bit of english.. it's fun.. i'm really glad to have them.. the least i can have them here till august.. :) thank god.. it is like me in this state that i need a family like them.. thank god.. asking me to translate, 'ni chey ding ni de xing fu'.. - you decide ur own happiness.. ponders me for a while.. find it very meaningful..

after all this.. just came to my mind.. there are so many different types of ppl.. i meet and see and indeed each of them can be grouped to be similar upon their hometowns they originate from.. some can be quite terrible esp frm big countries.. or even small.. :s i just feel it's just their nature.. sigh.. still i think it's the matter of personality and aptitude.. maybe i'm just a bit too sincere.. time to be more direct.. ;p

my mind now is at least feeling a bit better.. not to say better.. very very much better.. :D whatever so.. i dun care.. i mean who cares? haha.. tomorrow.. need to decide my topic for assignment by then.. and just study? ok tat's it for now emotional boy~ till then..

pending on leisure- watch howl's moving castle, play on sat nite with damit/frens, sun 'pump it day'
status- rehabilitating

quotes`

2006-04-11T20:07:00.000+10:00

came across these two very meaningful motivational quotes.. which keeps me going thru the days.. wonder if they'll hit you? (click to expand)

nicole~

2006-04-06T20:49:00.000+10:00

'addiction' - BoA on air~ i've practically nothing to do.. just bored at home hehe.. thinking of nothing else to do besides blogging.. so let it be 2 a day.. wahah.. came across a wonderful phrase frm a blog.. which pops my mind suddenly.. 'oh.. how could i ever forget that?'

~ the mind is a powerful thing; if you're disciplined enough, you CAN control your emotions.. you can erase unwanted memories.. yes, it simply means that you'll be hiding instead of facing your fears, but what makes you think that facing your fears will be better than hiding from them? yes, hiding makes me a coward but at least, i'll be a happy coward ~

i salute that this person is a rational, know-type veteran.. which simply reminds me of how i used to be ehehehe.. but lost it somehow.. anyways..

how i wish rabbits lay eggs, so i can receive gifts.. lol.. going into easter.. thanks mei.. the eggs were rabbit-laid.. cadbury's my fav.. :p the drawing's so good..! man.. how could you ever have this art talent.. :p and 'one litre of tears' means so much to me.. thanks.. i never forgot.. in fact i knew it has been one year.. even i knew it b4.. (i wud call it one yr anniversary haha) anticipating 25th of march.. i was going to do something but i forgot time past and now it's april..

one peculiar thing so happened.. i showed it to my shepherd and he took out the cd and saw it was a jap drama that u gave.. and tat time he was watching some jap drama too.. he wud just simply say, 'maybe it's the same drama..' oh man.. it turned out really it is.. life.. such a coincidence.. is it a famous drama now?

being childish, i would post the pictures.. heheh.. no.. but really ur drawing is serene.. just the drawing.. and also one more.. a part of my evening shot.. just outside my homestay.. as serene and heavenly.. k.. hey do tk.. live it well in pj.. till then.. :)

inevit gigi~

2006-04-06T08:17:00.000+10:00

okay. here it goes.. on the inside.. tat's it...

life is a whole lot of decisions and that's when we're known.. for rationality's sake or for the best.. to decide.. what seems to be.. after a time of exp.. a time of reasoning.. to just make it.. change it.. when u just know.. u have to do.. what u have to do..

r u willing? willing to draw away from emotionality.. r u stern? stern to make independent decisions in life.. r u persistent? persistent enough to keep them..

r u strong? strong enough to face.. r u knowing? knowing urself.. what should come by every single day.. r u accepting? accepting life is just the way it is and it's general.. and it's for you to make it better..

r u mature? mature enough to decide.. yeap.. for the good.. just for the good.. no more details.. inside, u just know it.. u know it better than anyone else..

i just wanna dedicate this time to gigi.. who's a strong, persistent hk veteran.. working thru all her obstacles.. my idol who's my role model.. for the past and present.. i'll post my most fav song frm her.. very very intimate song..

情定日落橋

握你的手暖我心窩為什麼愛情世界寒冷太多
時光小舟蜿蜒飄流
誰知幸福會遇多少風波

面對日落想起以後會不會此刻擁抱只是煙火
相信摯愛能留住承諾
愛越傻越不怕愛越苦越付出
愛越難越糾纏你我思想

我要你相信一生只守一種約定
我要你相信一生只患一種傷心
我要你相信我的靈魂和你分離不再甦醒

除非李來臨除非你再吻我的心
我的愛不變我的心不移我要你

情定日落橋愛只讓你知道
我不怕等你到老
星星也亮了黑夜彷彿浪潮
淹沒這世界直到我無處逃

heh.. enough of emotions.. no more intimate songs.. time to study for anat.. then rehabilitate this week.. or even just get it thru to find fun and reality in life.. thanks shee mei again.. thanks woon chin.. thanks ys.. thanks thomas1.. thanks thomas2.. i won't forget you guys...

my prayer~

2006-04-05T15:53:00.000+10:00

i played it over 20 times.. non-stop.. indulging to the rhythm while succumbing to the state of a white-flag, like how i used to during the olden days.. times come back again.. to that state where u need to give up once the strength of the strength and the drive of an ego and every perfect effort of doing things in life to a state of slowness and perhaps just slacking in every sense of time.. looking around.. up and above.. to the sides..

everything seems to get going.. just only one seemingly odd.. walking around looking dumb and just hanging around like time's not ticking a second past..

should try for those who hasn't listened b4.. i think it's the best from her.. my prayer, BoA.. some of the words just touch deep whenever i hear it.. like...

"Bi rohk yahk ha go yohk shim mah neun na ji mahn na reul whi hae jahk eun soh ri ro mal hae jwuh yo (Just let it go) deel ryuh yo ee jen * It's alright, it's okay jahm shi ppoon in gul..

and the last part..
ee ah peum ee kkeut na ji ah neul kka bwah geu rae (I can't let it go..)
sae ro oon mahm eul joo shi ki reul.. This is my prayer..."

now try to add a bit of element to this post.. :p i was lacking this kind of laugh until only when woonie came, cheering me up with her cheerful tacts.. ey.. why is she so cheerful sometimes i wonder.. reminds me of nicole~ how she used to be.. i think u can say my neck is as long as.. this- ================+'._.' +

waiting for you to reply, nicole.. n i c o l e.. where are you.. hand above my eye level.. looking to the horizon.. where.... lol. speaking of colours.. hmm.. funny ey..

lastly.. it's alrite.. it's okay cham shi pul in gul.. eh peum um sara ji gul ya.. aneh ga.. seum.. mu nu ju arh~ se gah err na ru ju shi kil reul.. this is my prayer.. i can let it go.. i know i can...

a deep moment..

2006-03-30T20:46:00.000+10:00

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

'And from now on.. you dun have to tell me how much i'm meant for you..'
or how much you're meant for me..
coz i know...

the last song.. after a whole journey of songs.. christmases.. piano spas.. the events of the past.. fluorished.. one by one.. reminiscing.. dreaming.. the tunes that sung.. the voice which healed.. part in part.. from the ear to the heart.. every single pictured moment.. the good and the bad.. the laughters to the cries.. frm fakhriah.. to lizzy.. and to angel.. three very different stories.. that past.. all that i could ever keep.. deep inside..

many things happened.. indeed many things.. how hard it is.. if it isn't for Your strength Father.. or the healing of songs.. even gigi's.. i can hardly think of an outcome.. healing is part of them.. one is personal.. just by the river.. i left my last memories.. knowing it's hard.. but i let everything off.. i let go...

to you now is only whom i appreciate.. i never want anything bad else.. my heart is pure.. i'm melancholy.. do accept and understand me for who i am.. you're different.. i've to maintain it.. i just want to say.. i love you.. i just do.. hope you care...

so far so..

2006-03-23T21:17:00.002+10:00

life is so far good... needs keeping up but so far is good.. i'm improving now.. in well-being and self get-back.. i'm beginning to enjoy life now when everything's new.. i smile at every opportunity.. relax after every stress.. respond to my body for what it needs.. enjoy when i always can.. most imprtnt is being myself again :)

today is a satisfying day.. i thought it'd be good to go alone to get the things i want.. and it's just my way of doing so. getting back to the used-to independent and disciplined state.. chinatown is far frm home and it takes every effort to carry all the bags home.. moreover, i bought a huge wok and all the things for my daily needs.. met ivy.. i guess i won't mind meeting her.. she can cheer up my day.. and we'll go on frm there after our byes..

i hope i can make you strong.. but it takes a while to respond and reason why you're having this problem.. i guess it always comes back to knowing urself again.. smetms we often forget abt our body and the way we should respond when we're just too caught up with life.. and that's when we learn how to live it each day.. and a moment of thinking future and desires works.. i guess i'll stop being philosophical frm here...

i just want to get back to that state where i can truly focus.. it takes time.. two weeks? three? i won't force myself.. i just feel happy that i can actually work now.. step by step.. slowly.. and slowly.. so i can get to where i want.. it's okay if u're laidback..

im watching love story in harvard for entertainment.. heh.. kim rae won is too.. hai.. dun wanna say.. :p and just got reminded i've got dinner to prepare.. anticipating for recipes.. heh, ciao- ;)