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Balancing Relationships With Medical School

Pin-Chieh Chiang -- I know some time has passed between my last entry and this one. It's because instead of coming back after China, I went on to play in Europe. So after touring through France, Spain, and Italy, and effectively making my way around the world - I am finally back. Since being back, I've found out that I've been matched with a little sib, an incoming first year student at my school. Besides the usual questions of school, books, teachers, etc, she's asked me how I balanced between school and my relationship.

It's a great question. I'm not really sure myself. This is one subject that I believe my significant other knows about more than myself. The following is a collection of our thoughts put together:

Many of us have heard the depressing predictions of fights, tears, and breakups that seem to accompany a medical education. Now, there's nothing inherent in the study of medicine itself that makes relationships more difficult; you'll find nothing in your human anatomy or pharmacology textbooks that challenges a healthy, satisfying relationship. (In fact, practicing Osteopathic Manipulation Therapy might make your relationship a better one!)

In my fiance's opinion, it's the very nature of the medical student that makes relationships such a difficult puzzle. He would use a single word to characterize just about any medical student: "uncompromising." After all, those who "compromise" easily would've never survived college (with a healthy GPA), MCATs, endless personal statement rewrites, and cross-country interviews. Without a healthy stubborn streak mixed in with a dash of ambition, medical students wouldn't be where they are today. There are far too many easier paths they could've taken along the way (just look at your friends in dental school).

As it happens, it's precisely this attribute that makes relationships such a challenging subject. A healthy relationship needs... no, a healthy relationship *demands* compromise from both parties. Let us give you a few examples of the compromise that makes our relationship viable today:

First, in terms of geographic location, I considered my fiance's situation when I selected my medical school. Knowing that moving wasn't a professional option for him, I instead chose a medical school close by. In turn, he traded in his 5-minute bike commute for a 70-minute drive every day. This allowed us to live together, and our relationship has grown stronger even as my work-load grew exponentially.

Second, we compromise on balancing the basics of everyday life. He compromises by making sure I never (ok, rarely) have to worry about dinner, dishes, or chores. I compromise by making sure I pitch in on major cleaning events every few weeks or so (coinciding with the completion of another block). This has to happen no matter how tired or worn out we might feel; these little chores are an important part of living our lives together.

Third, we compromise on our social lives. My fiance knows that he has to keep himself "entertained" with his own friends and activities rather than expecting me to act as his play-buddy. On the other hand, it's my responsibility to treasure the time I've been given by focusing it on my studies. The end result: I don't feel pressured to give him attention every day, but we still have a few days every month that we can devote to "date night".

After one full year, our worst fears have been alleviated. Both our relationship and I have survived my first year of classes; there's no doubt any more about how we'll survive my second year. But I know the compromises won't stop here; clerkships, followed by the incredible time demands of internship, residency, and beyond. Not to mention the possibility of starting a family! We're not far along yet where I have any specific predictions on how we'll face those challenges, but I know that as long as I give a little on my priorities while he steps back a little on his.... we really can live happily ever after.

How about you? Do you have any special tips that help you put a smile on the face of your significant other?