unique`

1. based on unique`, the post written in words before being posted: “currently not in a state where I can express feelings coz not in one where im succumbed by it.. feelings have gone past by as ‘just’.. for moments it was overwhelming.. it was full-filled so predictably the usual state of drowsiness and being drowned as the usual words of description.."

"nevertheless at some intervals during tat state, I make my way to pin down all those in words.. on paper, in points and with tat, I could review them with more awareness now.. without the feelings.."

I feel this could be a unique post as I make may way to draft unique` but after sometime I know what makes a good post.. one which is short and straight.. direct and concise.. let it be for this.. with the flow~

It was acknowledged after with some exp, life stresses are indeed contributable to one's feelings and mood.. I’ve noticed this several times and it came back the same without me realising it until I actually questioned myself.. sometimes I’d say.. 'I think it must the hormones', the inbalance and adaptation to new levels during post-puberty growth..

5. it got clearer when I found tat even academic stresses would make you go depressed without any reason.. you’d misunderstandably mistaken it for others.. like love for example.. just tat when things were not tat bad, life stresses can put a palm on your face blinding you from the truth.. believe it or not.. me myself couldn’t believe it either..

Just.. life “stresses”, not tat it was really tat but.. you just feel annoyed by things.. miri is a nice place.. wait till you meet all my grandparents, relatives and cousins.. :p lively, yes I admit.. but it was too lively.. the two days of stay were too much of a noise..

I just felt a bit different.. probably too long exposing myself to trips to old folks houses, to romance-stricken dinner and consistent pestering by my cousins and relatives.. they were kids by the way.. I just felt so withered and one thing.. do you feel bad when you get tired.. then tat’s the story..

I wouldn’t mind to give time and respect in company with my grandparents, relatives and their frens.. but if its long, then it’d be a bit trouble.. you know how kids like us would just have to hear and listen.. :p nag.. and my cousins.. arh.. dreaded physical torture.. kids have known to like me like anything.. I think I’ll go for paediatrist..

for dinner.. it was a place where love songs kept playing for the whole and it struck me.. again.. there were songs frm jerry, jay, the song with ‘meet you in coffee shop’ in it, and jolin.. I recommend those who’d want to break down and cry out like anything *tat includes you lizzy after exams* listen to jerry’s track.. one which kills when I kept playing for the past.. I’ll post the name of the track sometime later but do try not to be too tough on self ey.. :)

10. really if love is all about feelings, I dun see why its love.. if love is about romance, yes it is.. but what makes it all to say its love.. feelings.. why have many ppl very much misunderstood feelings alone to be love.. if I say all feelings are just temporary, then would love also be temporary..? no.. coz love is not all about feelings..

i’ve been through.. so directly saying the first and second to me are really nothing to me now.. you could say nothing as in.. they are really nothing to me anymore.. not in my life.. how could they have gone forward with their lives, it’s like really it didn’t even touch me a bit.. coz it doesn’t really matter anymore..

just this third one i’m currently facing still is heartful.. every analogies of her looks around.. the clothes.. the hair.. i’d just reflect my mind back to her.. and im saying to all, this is not love.. coz its all just feelings and its indeed hard.. but guess what.. its just temporary..

I heard of one phrase by lizzy, ‘everyone likes to be loved..’ it so reflects the current state that i'm in now.. I’d follow by saying.. ‘you can love anyone..’ anyone at random.. just tat you dunno who’d be chosen, it just so happens one would be the one.. with this, my mind became clearer.. love could be an illusion.. it can be dumbfounded.. but when it comes just know it could be anyone.. tat you’re just one of them..

so would be either you want it dreaded forever or as a solveable matter by a thought of a way out? tat is if you treat love as an abstract, something which is not totally powerable over you but you can take it over.. one expected consequence if things dun work out would be drowning~ one of my frens exp it and i get know him better now..

15. its quite good i’ve exp many things along the way.. let me frame a few pictures or thoughts though I’ve not exp it but its something I hoped for..
first priority.. a fren who *respects* you.. someone who’s compatible.. who knows your in and out.. who talks to you fluently like she’s known u for long..

someone who *understands* you.. who knows your every move.. for why you do and what you do and someone who *appreciates* you for who you are.. perfect in life if tat is what's all abt.. to find this type, how long it takes.. how often you’ll meet.. as if really I’d found one, I’d just be too glad to think its true..

but guarantee.. 80% of ppl you look around will be rejected by you.. and I mean straight rejected.. you just know and you’d just slap them away like a housefly.. even I do tat.. :p but really I had enough.. quote emmanuel, “off to romance.. take a break.. enough of hope put upon.. girls are just.. arghh..” yea.. true hope put upon.. I had enough.. I’ll just take a break.. easy to say but i'll just live best and think stable..

I’m glad that im quite mature now.. I’m able to handle life better.. I’ve grown.. anyways.. if you guys wanna know my weakness and it’s indeed crappy.. I’d act silly in front of my admirers.. :p stupid huh? I’d just go dumb unconsciously.. even ‘just’ for one waitress in a rest.. she’s dark-skinned.. hmm..

currently really dunno, but recently I’ve been feeling a bit useless.. probably I’ve not been doing anything.. a bit not like me how I’d used to organize activities, being more active and all.. now a bit inactive, easily get tired.. so the bad thing was tat mind wasn’t occupied.. kept sleeping for the afternoons and wake up still feeling tata.. hmm.. but now I just wanna thanks blogger so much, I’d something to put my mind to.. thanks..

20. before this I thought of a few things particularly one which I thought should I even display this on blog? should I even bother to think what ppl’d think of me or even should I just act ‘cool’ and easy in my posts.. I tell myself.. this is me.. my blog is abt displaying myself and if anyone doesn’t appreciate me for who I am, I have two words lo.. or three.. just piss off.. ;) tats it kua.. wat else you want me to say..

i've broken the words of making this short.. actually its the longest ever.. I’ll name this unique`.. have a good holiday jasmine and for tat day.. :) gambade in exams shee mei and to all.. may I pray for everyone..

signed- keith tan/26_11