blog for dusk..

a bit blur currently.. can't think well and it's most likely due to oversleep.. and also the upside down in the time base of my current daily life.. i might agree it's okay to slack during the hols.. enjoying nightly gathering with frens, sleeping at 6am and waking up at 3pm the same day but the point is.. is life tat fun by doing tat.. the thing is.. well yea.. might be fun.. and u dun haf to worry being lonely and lack of tangible fun during the holidays.. but to me, life is not all abt this.. it's more.. i want to do more things which can help me.. things which really bring joy and tat is.. something which fulfills more personally and one of tat is to improve oneself.. i've got lists in mind.. some includes more actively involved in sports.. improve vocals and learning korean.. involve in volunteering job.. improve social skills and independent thinking.. read.. read more books and most imprtnt.. improve myself as a christian.. spend more frequent quiet time with God and learn how to pray personally..

life yes.. i would love to go slack the most of my life with frens.. esp now during the hols.. but to me.. fun spending time with them doesn't seem to grant me fun anymore.. maybe coz i've been too flooded with frenships.. and also enjoying life in the sense, going to cafes or restaurants or.. enjoying the best food in the country.. i just dun feel much appreciated.. could be coz i've been too filled with them.. it's like frm here i learnt u dun actually app something unless u actually lost them.. and tat's what i feel now..

somehow.. at some stages we'd tend to face this.. we'd feel like eg frenship would fall apart.. u somehow can just feel the distance and eventually things don't seem to turn out well and slowly we just grew apart.. and u just had nothing to do more than just go out and find those who'd be ur type of frens.. regardless.. memories and cherishing frenships will just grant tolerance and patience and make sure tat we'll always be for one another, though apparently things aren't turning out well..

sometimes u would have frens who'd be closest to u.. and somehow things dun seem to work out soon.. it hurts isn't it.. i exp.. and now i've to get used to adapting the coming back of a frenship.. i used to always think she's given up on me.. and really i tried my very best despite the hardships to forget her.. i'd tell myself no matter how much if the whole world hates me, i'd just reassure tat i will never hate myself.. and in the end, i actually gave up on her.. she was my best fren.. and really i wouldn't mind anything between us coz she doesn't really mean to me anymore.. but just, she clarified everything which seems to look so logical tat she never gave up on me.. this troubles me somehow.. tat i've to come to adapting again.. and brings back things frm the past again which should not come to surface for good..

all these months.. all these hardships come abt.. i did employ the tactics of survival of the fittest.. trying my ways of how to handle life.. and i succeded in tat for last semester.. and one more who really supported has been her.. a different her.. she's currently my best but if things dun seem to come out well between us, i'd just feel a bit different.. which recently happens.. she's just different recently.. i really hope to have her back.. coz she's my sole motivator.. she's a *fren*.. and really she plays the role of a fren so perfectly.. i just know in my mind, no matter ups and downs between us, i will always know her for who she is and for what she's done.. but pity.. i wasn't able to do it for the previous.. instead i've forgotten her..

we do face problems anytime and anywhere huh.. speaking abt human-to-human relationship.. it's normal.. but it's all the matter of bringing urself to well-being.. maintain ur confidence.. lower urself down and try initiatively to solve the problem without having to create conflicts in mind.. i even tried tat for infatuation.. i always tell myself.. dun ever meddle with the mind coz it kills if u do and tat's one thing i've always been advising ys and some times when environment or romance music would come by to bring feelings back, i'll say look.. i've given up.. but just.. i just wanna say to her.. won't u give me a chance to love you.. she's just different.. esp the way u closed ur lips tight.. the stare in ur big, round eyes.. and ur black outfit.. i just want to love you.. then.. what can i say more except on a positive note.. its normal for ppl to speak out all the best for one's infatuation.. i'd just say it's just feelings tat are just one of them and it's just temporary...

if maturity is what i learn then, i'd try my best to guide others.. be a role model.. to try to maintain the best approach in handling life situations.. the best personality and self-outcome.. to share and contribute what i think best to ppl who have not exp more than i.. i've got some ppl in mind tat i want to guide.. one in aussie, my coursemate.. and one in brunei also my coursemate, the one whom i've told, "dun let me give up on you". this i dun mean in terms of frenship but dun let me give up hope on u.. to help and guide you.. and to think the best for u.. tats wat i meant.. if lizzy can guide me b4.. now i want to know what life is all abt.. the intentions behind each move.. though the feelings are not there anymore.. but i'll remember for what she did..

when past comes to face.. what i would do.. it's like the usual past tat i once put myself thru.. some ppl knows i love to drive around town when i need to just slack around not doing anything.. just couple of days.. went to ubd to meet my previous lecturers and had a chat.. then came back to ubd where i'd want to see the scenery.. and putting me back to the state of cherishing pondering memories of the past.. i walked into the library.. so long i've not visited and it's still the same except they are no ppl but for the librarians.. sat down.. enjoy the quiet surroundings.. play with laptop, read the bible and just relaxing the way.. tat just one of the ways i'd admire as means to cherish memories..

then i headed to tungku beach.. sitting among the rocks and let the whole scenery come down on me.. the breeze.. the trees and open-wide area.. the waves.. the horizon and sunlight falling down on me.. just relax.. then to tamu kianggeh.. market stalls have become modern.. they dun sell kuehs anymore huh.. the whole metal rooftops have been replaced and stalls are more organised in rows.. then went to buy kuehs.. love the local delicacies sold by one famous family house.. just behind GP mini mart area.. so the whole day was meant to enjoy.. but came back tired and had a nap..

still night was meant to blog but i didn't.. went out with frens.. not a good idea to call out them huh.. but then.. it's be good to have fun this weekend.. stay over.. let them be.. but then life's not meant to be like this huh.. what a waste of life.. sigh.. i see when i can change.. i'm planning on a bbq with my fellow frens and others at jerudong beach but i just need to find the bbq equipment.. and i'm more initiative in terms of frens now.. tat i'm trying to maintain fellowship with all and making new ones.. tomolo i'm meeting jess at coffeebean in the aft.. and my first trip to coffee bean.. ah.. memories there.. of slack and drowsiness.. :p

but really to say things tat have to come frm my mind, i just feel tat the world is constantly trying to improve ourselves.. and we may leave things which dun do us good and find those which can help us.. like how my first is nothing to me anymore.. coz we have our own lives now.. we're initially not at all compatible.. not in anyway.. really.. but just tat frenship and love bring us thru.. it was a hardship more than a relationship to get together.. what more can i say now i have learnt frm this.. learning compatibility.. even in frenship.. it's just so imprtnt..

man.. i just feel better now.. maybe too many express points i've not been releasing out.. but currently, in terms of life is ok.. coz forgetting one(third) is not as hard as in previous cases coz of the way i make use of.. the mindset of letting go and off-contact.. just only tat frens are too wild nowadays and life's seem to be a bit slacking in terms of well-being and spiritual joy but i guess it isn't tat bad.. :p

the name's cheer chen.. very similar to stella in terms of cute singing vocals.. sentimental kills and self are two tracks tat caught my attention b4 i laid my hands to buy them.. listening to her album can just bring the past forth to the present.. very mysterious..

i'm also learning to cook! when to start ah.. and talking abt memories.. i just love blue house.. esp during the winter.. i dunno y.. but i just feel secure when first i stepped foot and live there in new brissie.. the whole place is a great and peaceful place.. hmm.. what else do i wanna say huh..

see.. i'm a bit blur.. but i will modify the post soon.. in two days.. i know u.. though i've not seen much contact frm u.. but i always know u for who u r.. lastly, i wanna say i love an independent life.. i thanks you for making me to know this.. i just like it more better than when i'm spoon-fed such as now.. coz i just feel more satisfied doing things on my own and just i dun feel less useless.. lol.. plse let me go ahead for more next sem.. i want me and God for more.. and the rest.. i cya.. tk.. and case closed..