if always..

time to be myself again.. again.. yet again.

holidays can be a dread. can be a slack. a dread when u tot holidays are meant for starting on assignments when u hadn't done any.. a slack wen u tot its time to lay back and give urself a damn time-wasting era of a life of nonsense- yaking away.. sleeping.. procrastinating.. laying ur brains for rest and externalising..?

have you ever tot how life can be a crap once u begin to nonsense and start question abt urself over again.. neither do i knw how much striving moments can be of a thriving matter to my life build-up wen all the world is just crap whilst me having to go ahead with a life of my own track.. life is pretty robust when u're dealing with a complicated person like me. and i hate to think im the only person who thinks the way i do and no one seems to understand me at all...

ok.. lets take a case.. a simple matter of a human living in an outsideworld .. looking out ur window and thinking, ok.. its time to go out there and show the world who i am.. u go out, u being the type of person you are.. pretty much knowing what goodness can bring.. being you.. and seeing all the many many different ppl out there each* having their own sets of craps..

you see one.. you pred one.. you look at one.. you judge.. you tried to convince one.. you the judge, you being judged.. you bumped into a person who thinks without cows you wouldn't have cheese, another thinks with cows, you would have madcow disease.. so what's the point? you live on.. ur own pesky world.. you deal with stress.. you externalise.. and if things dun work out- you seek the devil of internalising charisma inside you, hell knows wat happens! you fall into the trap of depression. and tat's what the subject of sociology wud say to you..

for me.. even how crap is the world around me, i wouldn't go tat far.. i have my limits.. externalising may be necessary.. i dunno abt anyone's point of externalising means here but i thought its normal.. we do have our ups and downs.. we downed when we need it and tat's the whole point.. the whole world gets tempted every single day.. we get frustrated.. we get stressed, we go to the bar.. we see people, we wanna hate them (like how john tucker must die), we pull off attempts to change ourselves to be more like not ourselves.. we see chicks.. we drool pigeon holes.. tat's why brothels and escorts trail everywhere in the world.. if those are not necessary, why do they appear? for the sake of what? trials?

tat's when u strive to make a difference out of urself.. you work towards it.. you bitch around every single 'not-you' and strive to be you.. if you cant do so.. you accept.. you pull off the white flag and say ok.. i give up.. its just me.. so get lost! (something like tat).. if everyone wants to be a merchant just coz the majority of the world says its the best job in the world, so be it.. if everyone sees tempting shit and losing virginity as beauty and if i wouldn't.. what can i do? be like tempting shit and be a whore?

yawn.. i can't believe how the world thinks today.. to me.. one reason why i have alwez stayed the way i am is coz of one.. i've always known how important is being good.. i dun care how and what on earth is the main delicious menu for today's world.. you create an environment for ppl.. you smile.. you work towards it.. you try to be a good role model like steve.. the wonders of life will always have to tell you, be kind and humble.. no matter how hard is the world gonna give you, good nature will always see you through to the other side, where there are pretty flowers and blooms.. (conveying sarcastic analogy of 'girlish dreams' :s)

'appreciate every moment now and then.. life is short.. you will never know what will happen..' terri says these words.. you look into her eyes, you will always know how strong can she be.. she retains the faith in her, she knows she still has a job to do.. a promise tat she'd made to her husband.. she knows 'its the beginning of a new chapter.. its like stepping off a cliff and taking a land onto the ground.. do i sound like i have a choice?' she still has to move on..

everything has a reason.. why am i different today?

the cancer horoscope tells:
You may be feeling slightly fragile this week. A tendency to be oversensitive could take you to see problems where none exist. Try to be realistic in your expectations of other people. (Damn..!)

reason for why im like this?

cancer jun 23- jul 23 (this week's horoscope)
Some people accuse you of being moody. What would they know? They are, I'll bet, the same sort of people who think water is wet or leaves are green. No imagination. No understanding. You are not moody...just deep. Meaningful. Sensitive. Keenly responsive to changes in your environment. Do you sometimes take things too seriously? Don't we all. One thing you definitely do have, though, is a very good memory. You forget nothing. Soon you will settle an old score.

slackers. i gurantee i wont be back at least within a fortnight.. guess time to go.. heh.. tk all.. if always i am normal, i'll never be normal... :)

p.s. to whoever fuc*** who says i need to grow up, i show you who's grown up!