cherish~

cherishes.. posts of the past.. flipping thru them can really give a huge smile.. of what i've been thru~ smetmes i do cherish my blog.. esp just owning one.. writing one.. :)

a) sigh again.. with a :D, 10/6

tis morn.. seem to be like any other dull morn.. the usual mourn of a loss and all.. i think my heart has really gone far too sincere and wasn't really able to think properly.. sigh.. i haf many frens but sometimes when i think back.. i tot she was my best ever.. all wat i'd done for her was sincerity.. pure sincerity and nothing else.. but she just couldn't appreciate it.. so my mind practically went on diving into this deep trap.. thinking and thinking on how to resolve my mind's conflicts..

b) days like new~ 5/7

fri.. work.. thomas and me went swimming.. couldn't remember when was the time me, him and yung soon went out and we cruised around.. not sure.. did we play pool? haha.. well.. im blur now.. sat.. i decided to treat all my buddies for a dinner at escapade.. great it was.. fun and all.. not to mention vincent and the gang rip my wallet off by calling lots and lots of red plates* haha.. well.. but was fun.. oh ya.. jerudong too.. was great.. played 30 mins of bumper car~ing.. like they let us play for long.. pony express (1st time) and waterfall logging (also 1st time).. :p

c) aussie~ 9/7

last nite had this weird dream.. dreamt of someone whom i had the heart for.. after throwing a surprise b'day party for me, i got a glance of her b4 she ran off.. (in detail it was touching.. haha.. got into a house.. suddenly i could hear ppl singing b'day song somewhere.. reached a room.. neon lights on.. and there full of ppl, and food on the table, singing with smiles..noticed her b4 she ran!) chased after her to outside but she was nowhere in sight.. throughout the nite, went searching around centrepoint, mall and gadong area.. rooftop? riverside? oh my.. my imagination is running wild.. location gadong lagi.. :p

d) mixed feelings 1 & 2~ 13/8

first things first.. my first 'like' for a girl in aus.. man.. this is private.. hmm.. i really like her personality and this is something which i usually look for.. u know as in.. my.. hah~ yea.. i mean.. i usually look for personality and somehow this is the attribute of which the right type can actually slam a great deal of impact upon me and i'd really be stunned.. crap wat im talking abt.. :p ok i'll come back to this very soon..

e) just to express.. 21/9

that's what i'm so gladful for and i know my purpose here.. all i really need is balance to grow.. not to strive till flat and dead.. a routine once a day.. a lil' bit of faith and not more.. occasional social initiatives and *confide*nce.. mediating between work and play.. not cool nor lame.. not wise nor foolish.. i just want life...

f) violet spring, 10/10

the bloom of spring~ what wonderful sights of spring.. just went out for stroll.. can't miss to take an evening shot.. wat serene beauty... :)

g) trinity, not good & full of hard.. 11/10

i came across a small bird (still couldn't fly..) who dropped frm the upper branches of a tree.. i decided to put it back up and when i went after it.. it tried its best to run away.. eventually hopping round one branch, slowly reaching the upper branches and then finally went to the top of the peak, where i couldnt reach it..

h) :/ 29/10

tat makes three influentials really for the past few months.. three issues.. but you are the most influential one.. im lying to myself.. im still in contact with you.. damn.. tat's why im in this pesky state.. you're still around.. you're still looking for me.. together we still go thru frenships but u know wat.. im still playing life.. im stupid.. i'm foolish.. u din know anything.. u din know wats in me at all.. you know who you are..

i) when life goes to the edge, 1/11

when life goes to the edge, i feel tough.. it might just be just a part of growing up.. i might be just a process tat you've to go thru just to make you stronger each time and make you realise more.. and improve urself more.. today, i realised a lot of things.. a lot.. and wrote a lot too.. knowing what's to expect for my life ahead in aussie.. it might change.. it might be totally different.. and it might mislead.. but it's all what 'i' think is best...

j) three for tears, 10/11

keizinf.. plse... :__
hah.. i never . someone soa much b4..
u'll always be the most inffluential..
mei.. pllse reply...
it . so much when i see aur blog..

k) the last night, 17/11

today is 17th.. the day of departure.. but flight is still a long way to go.. its at 12am.. heh.. and i've actually got the whole day.. looking around st.lucia.. looking around macquarie as this would be my last stay here in this place.. such a beautiful place brisbane~ birds now chirping.. flowers yellow and purple bloomed among the trees and with me thinking back.. wat life have i been thru here.. all i can say for last is an independent life.

l) a dreamer, 20/11

just driving by with the charming melody.. i glanced out and saw two girls being close to each other as they get across the road.. that puts a smile on my face.. then some songs like "roses and wine" or "breezy" brought me back to the times.. how i used to be so drown.. that also puts a smile on my face.. heh.. those were the times when i used to hear a lot of those music when i was lost.. totally lost.. thinking back and smiling, i know what it takes in all.. do i have to say it.. i dun think so..

m) blog for dusk~ 8/12

never published.. posted*
click here~

n) i cherish.. 8/12

i had many memories here.. mainly hardships and challenges.. one particularly worth to mention was meeting my used-to-be best fren.. to reminisce how she used to change me.. to bring me up frm a livingless state to someone better.. to show how frenship can be tat imprtnt and most to make me stronger..

o) i learnt.. 9/12

u're still influential.. just i had to drowse.. 'won't you give me a chance to love you..' still i could picture the nicest things of you as infatuation always persists.. ur personality.. the way u closed ur lips tight.. and ur big, round eyes as u stared at mine.. on a positive note, i always tell myself the feelings for.. tat u're just one of them and i know it's just temporary..

p) b4 i go.. 17/12

indeed God saved me once again.. doesn't anyone just feel great just by seeking God himself.. amen.. and i could have thought it's a set thing tat God decided to turn down the youth ministry today to test me whether i'd seek Him without worship and prayer.. but just i went thru quiet time.. ;)

q) frens or feel? 27/12

as personality favours, i still cont to maintain frenships.. and despite some well-less displays, i'll still maintain anyway.. so bz tat i forgot to reply mails to certain ppl.. should i wish thomas a happy 20th b'day? :) let me improve myself..

r) till when.. 04/01

- apprehending future.. why bother. worrying past.. why regret. living the present.. why not live now.. appreciate now.. leave the past.. things that can't be changed.. let time heal and make us accept the way they are.. there's no reason why life should not sustain.. be it this way or that.. it's still up to you to make it..

s) acceptance, 23/01

yes i know. recently i've been too hard on myself. i've been trying. very well. spoken thru. constantly. just let go. for weeks. months. i'd cont to strive. to accept. yet i din know. i'd just be living. in denial. living a life. not truthful. forced to keep away the feelings. to drive off and wish to forget it. once and for all. instead. i'd just be a fool of myself. being in tat manner. tat i'd only be in moodiness. toughness and hardships. thought of avenge. yet i know. it's not my nature. tat cont wud just kill it. at last i learned. to accept. to honor my feelings. be true to myself. smetmes we just. have to be. in tat state.

t) venting spaces, 25/01

"ter's this new blueberry muffin in the menu, so decorative.. a lil' chocolate chip on top, enough to clear all my stresses from the day.. i remembered eating this muffin..." they wud even take a photo of the muffin and post it on the site.. haha.. i wonder how can this small thing can so easily satisfy them.. this is something which i really wud want to hope for.. just tat exulting temperament.. less worries.. yet it's all abt the mind.. & lifestyle*

u) myself, 07/02

i'd want to express it out.. make few points abt the things bothering me.. i may just feel insecure abt the future or the ppl, the adversaries i've met.. coz my nature wants goodness.. i can give up easily to every act of stupidity.. every act of hatred and preds.. cos im who i am.. i dread for the fact why i can be so sincere...

(*wow.. this post is the longest.. i myself cannot believe.. i guess i was too over-stressed tat time.. ;P)

v) ever meant.. 23/02

:) 'if you smile, smile more sincerely..'
why should i dread when there's no reason to dread abt? really there's nothing.. nothing of intense.. nothing tat bad.. nothing serious at all.. and i dun see any fact why i should be worrying abt the world's gonna end coz it's not going to.. hahaha.. what if i positively believe one thing.. tat you'll appear one day.. and with an open heart like nothing seems to bother us anymore and say, "sz.. how are you?

x) a turn around~ 24/2

next went to this academic advising dept.. for course advices.. met up with this sri lankan girl who's the frenliest girl i met to date since i came.. she just makes me laugh every instant.. making a distinction between indians and sri lankans.. tat indian accent is just yuck.. tat's when i start to realise how cud it be better if you have the initiative to talk to ppl and to feel better around.. but i can say we 'clicked' in a way.. :p (who's this indian girl who came to my cg.. lol..)

u) the dream~ 05/03

a dream.. it's been a long time.. not feeling this kind.. it rejuvenated me.. my heart n my soul.. tat kind tat wud find me a new life again.. a new 4.. to reenlighten my 4 life again.. to bring back those immense, undescribable moments.. i wanna thank god for this experience even tgh it's just a dream.. i ought to know tat part in me which is scarred tat needed to be healed.. n so it's given.. just for a short temporary moment.. sensual and epic moments..

comments:
of what i see was 'me'.. the so naive me.. placing stories into blog.. putting expression signs into words.. but in all, i just cud conclude.. i'm just deep.. too deep.. smiles.. :p i just laughed again.. at myself.. how funny if you cud just see urself frm another view.. frm another person.. but well.. it's me.. it's just me.. now rehabilitating.. not looking forward to the fourth.. :)