expressing all~

i'm back.. sob sob.. sigh.. these past two days.. crap it was really.. i remember just yesterday.. sat down in frnt of the laptop screen for two hours.. just couldn't write anything.. mind blocked or was i tired.. today make a full-time change.. changing blog~ reminiscing thoughts and finally i'm free...

ok lo.. hope everyone likes this new style.. can't blame frenster really.. their blog sucks for real.. nothing much like a blog. imagine having to see those tiny puny words.. eeks.. ok la.. now time to express.. today a day at guyatt park when i was free.. as emotional dwelling circumstances overwhelmed me over the past few days, i was totally mind-blocked.. took a walk, morning walk.. taking fresh air and at the same time challenge my mind's conflicts.. in the end, i got thru..

expressing frens~ jocy.. so nice to see you here.. it's been a long long time till i wonder where's this fren of mine le.. well tat was smethn.. and also first time seeing u being emotional eh.. why the nick 'why..' the alwez cheerful girl one.. keep it up ma.. tsk tsk.. actually for the past few weeks, probably the lack of contact renders a misunderstanding (on my part) tat you've become less concern, which i wasn't expecting coz i knew u well.. and really i was right.. i know you much better now... *one more to add.. i realise you dun alwez lie upon ur feelings one oh.. but good tat u're fine..*

once viewing thru frens in frenster, i saw many of whom used to be frens when i was very young.. now most of them have really gone on their own ways.. living differently and having to change drastically till somehow i doubt the next time we meet, we could talk again.. reviewing upon myself and them and pondering, i can say i'm really content with who i am now.. the individualistic build-up of me.. the things i've been thru in a way which i feel have build me up non-regretedly and changed me to a different person.. to a better person...

one of the highlights of my life was my first influential and frm there, i did not grow but i fell.. and when it came to the point when lizzy stepped forward to change me.. tat was when i grow.. i wasn't complicated at all.. now i know more abt life.. and for this i appreciate the two of u frm tutong tat.. w/o u two i wouldn't be who i am anyway.. so thanks.. i won't bother her.. she's meant to go on freely..

next influential.. tis one's my third.. after long thoughts, i decided abt it.. and to step upon the sign~ off.. i was nearly prone to repeat my past mistakes.. first for off-contact and second for confession and i wisely decided no~ i'll stop hurting myself.. i dunno even if she realises tat i'm talking abt her.. i'm the kind of person (after thought) now tat i won't be burdened by avoidance.. by lack of respect or condemnation.. by lack of social initiatives coz i know if tat's wat u want.. then be it~

i had to consider a stop coz it's getting too far.. too influential.. too much hope put upon.. though i know it's impossible between us.. very different yet too much worthless liking frm my heart.. getting sick and in the end i might fall.. i'll cont to explore.. just to know there are similarities more atypical, which bring things together and you're nothing more than just an experience...

phew.. heh.. never've been so expressive.. really mind-cleared.. yes! i'm still trying my best to maintain a balance.. have been very slacked in terms of studies and i do deserve much respect for god's sake.. i pray.. god.. i'll cont to worship You.. regardless of anything.. but i hope i won't be too committed.. life's like this ey.. hmm.. ups and downs.. so many different things you'd encounter daily.. sigh.. only to know tat you have to do smethn to deal with such things..

fuff.. fuff.. i never express so much.. feel so much better... wat else i wanna write down.. let me see.. oh yea.. jantyt.. the six initials of frens whom i'd made a rough picture of b4 i came here.. still they are.. so much tat i can confide on.. so much thanks to u guys.. :__ want me to mention..? jo, an, nic, th, yun, th.. heheh.. manz this is childish~!

for this current month.. its a good thing tat i've just come out of something difficult.. it's a crucial month for which really a lot is needed.. but still yet, slacked very far behind.. now hope to get it to contention.. (a point which is arguable? doesn't make sense..) then back to home...

a few events tat i wud wanna express too.. just a few days ago.. so much to say i was taking a bus.. taking out my bottle of water and unscrew the cap, it fell and had to wash it.. just nearby, a water fountain with a small lil' child playing with it.. then i approached to wash, fell the cap again.. and she picked up for me and smiled.. :) i was so touched just by looking at the cheerful smiley face and this stirred thoughts of whether i should stay for 'kids for christ'.. playing santa and contributing, volunteering just to bring smiles to their faces.. lets see abt tat.. i just knew i could change the date of my ticket...

then went to toowong, cut my hair and damn.. i could have been pissed.. first time own here in oz.. with this kinda hair! and i might start to think it's God's way... maybe His way of setting my hair and the path in frnt of me.. not my time yet.. still not capable of having one.. ;)

so much to say.. i took an hour to write all this.. clap clap.. this is real expressing ey.. i'm done.. i'm out of here! *emotional relief*