past..

dreams.. do you have one? life.. how have you gone thru 4 the past few years? memories.. have you got any to ponder upon? past.. have you got anythn to take from them..

this day.. i found myself different. solemn. alone. reminiscing. for once real time, i began to realise it again.. the feeling i'd had for the prev years, the same time of the year.. the septembers.. octobers.. they're all the same. for the past 3 years. this time, i found myself drifting for hours in the vessel from regatta to brett's wharf.. making way thru sceneries.. making way thru the past.. closed eyes.. sentimental tunes.. wat has been going on.. wat has put a mark on my life..

my past is beautiful. meaningful. i saw many things i cud think of. things tat made me who i am today. for i will never forget the past as it has shaped me. i saw wat ive gone thru.. the life tat left me.. looking back in primary school, in secondary. wasn't the sort of glory school days i'd had. but it built me up strong.

the pre-teen periods are carefree. fun. full of gaming. nothing to worry abt. you've food and you have books. that's all. A-levels.. a change. life becomes challenging, different. your life makes a turning point. you see different things. you think different. you feel different towards ppl. your emotions become apparent. you feel the first things in life you never felt b4.. you fell for ppl.

the naive childish times turned around. i remembered at evenings in school while the sun set and the sky was purple. at a church in my school. i liked to see the secret fountain. the statue of Mary, the bushes and the chairs outside. i admired seeing ppl gather around in church. me and my parents and my sister wud pass by during the evenings while we go for shopping and wondering how fun it is to gather like these..

i remember drawing doraemon for one of my frens in my own fantasy world. i remember the times i slept in the aft whilst in my dad's hometown where outside is a huge river (imagining crocodiles) and chickens in the compound occasionally wake me up frm sleep. i remember mom's hmetwn was always full of love frm ppl and sight.. the rainy season, crickets singing, the hill forest behind the hse, grandparents making coffee in the early dawn and food was no where compared to anywhere i've eaten else. i cannot deny im a nature person.

i remembered final fantasy so clearly. i remembered my counterstrike skills as Ashley Winchester. i remembered msging smeone everynite, everytme until credits reached 100. i remembered how those first moments will never be replaced by anythn more intense and as gullible.

i remember coming out frm the very depths coz of one offering life, letting off the first care i'd ever had in my life (as a fren) and which will always remain in heart.. i remember writing to one i doubt will ever meet in any other, being such one i will always cherish.. so much nurturing.. so much help & sincerity.. and much just a miracle. i remember wat harshness reality can bring.. when you meet ppl who are just themselves..

uni years.. march and sept. these 2 months were always the turning point. first yr. second yr. and now third yr.. in march will always be when things have to happen for a reason. in sept, things sought to be anew again.. like how things are destined to remain behind and a piece of new hope has been born to bring abt a new breath to start over a new chapter of life..

past five years, a lot of change. i seeked beauty upon these five years and i'll never regret being in those five years. i've been thru so much i cud remember of.. i only started to put them into words when i became old enough; when i was destined to relieve myself and try hard to allow ppl to see tat i'd go thru the times and be a person of independence.

i've seen many things. the words you read and the person you see all the while has always been me and will always be. if i had to do wat i had to do, then i really had to do wat i had to do. i cherish every single moment of the past. the ppl whom i've been thru with.. for i'll never forget them. they can only be beautiful.. they can only make me realise who i am. for i'll cont to thrive thru as i strive..

bliv.. one day.. i'll never know how life can be simple. and i'll just retain tat capacity. i have many more years to see many things before i'll lead a boring life to work.. i'll explore. once a while i'll go back to empire hotel to see how serene the scenes can be during nitetime.. as if i wish for smethn.. for smeone.. and if i'll just cont to go thru wat i have to.. at one moment i'm sure it will come..