:/

just, i expressed my feelings thru journal.. i know its much better tat way as i can just say anything out without having to fear public intervention.. here, just want to write a bit abt wat i wrote..

today.. 29oct. yest was abt God. what about today? u guess it.. today was wow.. im staring at the word now.. "infatuation" wat on earth do u want frm me..! manz.. shitz.. today was tough but i make it thru.. mood wasn't tat good.. i could blame it on the weather.. its so hot and stuffy.. blame it on my room.. carpeted, dusty space nothing for me to be impressed abt.. blame it on my nose.. it's growing coz of the weather.. i hate allergic rhinitis..!! damn.. i took off in the morning, to uni...

yes God.. i prayed.. yes i did.. wat abt in the morning.. wat happened? nothing happened.. it was tough to get a grasp onto start-off but i just browsed thru work.. after lunch.. i din know wat to do after a bad, unfruitful morning.. i sat down on a gravel platform, by the union.. i think and i think.. ok.. i sang "shine we are.." keep singing tat song in my mind.. the song which helped me thru during the dreaded past times.. it calmed me.. and all the way thru..

first time in law library, i sat openly.. its a great environment.. man.. air-conditioned.. cool.. ppl walking around.. good sight.. i just sat there.. damn.. i went thru.. strengthened.. persistent.. by my own.. the song in my mind.. kept singing.. i made it.. straight four...

after tat.. mind had to relax.. i reminisced back.. wat happened to my life since i came.. australia.. wat a nice place.. wat a great place.. it was so fun.. look at my previous blog posts in frenster.. wat is this!! all was great.. now wat..? bcoz of you.. wat happened.. bcoz of u and u.. wat happened.. and bcoz of You.. i dreamed of a simple life.. with frens around.. with occasional laughters and greetings.. with occasional get-togethers.. good place of stay as i progressed thru life.. not having to burden myself.. looking at sceneries.. lala.. life's maybe not tat joyous but it's enough to get me thru.. now wat.. really this will decide my future.. my future in aussie.. where im gonna head to and wats ahead.. nothing much...

tat makes three influentials really for the past few months.. three issues.. but you are the most influential one.. im lying to myself.. im still in contact with you.. damn.. tat's why im in this pesky state.. you're still around.. you're still looking for me.. together we still go thru frenships but u know wat.. im still playing life.. im stupid.. i'm foolish.. u din know anything.. u din know wats in me at all.. you know who you are.. i hoped for frenship.. im lying to myself.. i know the only way is to be straight to just end this.. i'll confess.. not till after exams.. i dun want to influence anyone at this moment..

this relieves me.. i just have to end this.. so we just stop anyway.. ok.. tats all frm me.. i'll be my strongest.. so far its good... :/ - sz