23.2.06

ever meant~

dusk~
good thing i let it out today.. this morning.. and finally accepted.. with the sad songs seeping in and heart letting soft.. i guess its time to start all over.. it's been a terrible journey which 'just' past behind me.. and i'll never ever forget this ever in my life..

i understood the words of lim hao now initially when i came to meet him in brisbane.. he said his first semester was like.. when he came here, he was really not settled.. and that was the time he was in this awkward fashion, when he thought of nowhere to go but to join one club.. he was like me tat time.. very undecisive.. then straight when 2nd semester starts, he quitted the place.. and found his place, serving bruneian students and being part of the bssbne commitee.. now he's into 2nd yr of med.. he should be ever non-regretting in his life i guess..

first time, i gave up my cross.. i took it down.. i sincerely know who am i.. i am me.. keith tan.. tan swait zin.. i know what i'm doing.. i am good i know.. and i know too that i'd have to just focus on the simple things that life can offer.. its simple yes.. but vital.. in the end, i'd still have to know one thing.. it's the way this is and how it has ended up.. coz its just not meant to be or its never.. what i decide.. i won't turn back.. it's the past..

the nite`
who're frens in this world? frens who cud help you. cherish you. seek you at times when you need them for. my version of frens came b4 and they left after. wud you be the one as well?

funny thought. prev thinking- ccm is my life. cutting off ccm means no life. god is my soul listener. no god means i have no someone to confide in. ivan, my shepherd.. no ivan means no fun.. no fren.. no guidance. 'hope' is there in church.. no attendance means no hope? arye..

:) 'if you smile, smile more sincerely..'
why should i dread when there's no reason to dread abt? really there's nothing.. nothing of intense.. nothing tat bad.. nothing serious at all.. and i dun see any fact why i should be worrying abt the world's gonna end coz it's not going to.. hahaha.. what if i positively believe one thing.. tat you'll appear one day.. and with an open heart like nothing seems to bother us anymore and say, "sz.. how are you? what happened to you..? i've been fine these days.. why are you still like this?"; offering a frenly impression of concern.. and in fact, that was the real speech i heard b4.. and which i wasted the whole half-year as a vegetable(partly) just bcoz i didn't know how to think well..

:) smile more often la sz.. so you dun have to rely on those things.. rely more on your inner spirit.. God are you still mine then? so regretted i did a spontaneous act.. like how i cancelled all lizzy's frenster accnt and testimonials on day 1..

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