frens or feel?

i pray for You.. i tear for You.. my heart is meant for You.. for You are my faith.. it's been time to time now.. i've not lived it for.. not done it for.. i can see it flowing again.. Your graceful spirit which came before.. into my loving life.. come again.. touch me again.. tell me.. make me see.. what it means to live for You.. once again..

just when the new year is abt to come, i just have this different feel.. somehow, a mixture of downs.. the worries.. the thoughts.. the insecurity.. the inconfidence.. or maybe just the feel of lacking support.. it's not tat i dun have them.. i'd just had a great deal of them.. but its just some things or maybe some ppl who'd render that kind of feeling..

i do accept sometimes we need to face ups and downs.. seriously recently, i've been confident.. i've been enjoying life.. i even had the chance to exp that dome's hot chocolate is much better than coffee bean's.. could be the reason coz i'm sick or probably just tired that these things have come and find their way.. of accepting into the mind.. which normally my positive self would make them even hard to get in.. somehow, they all just seeped thru..

there begin the issue with academy.. next semester will start in a couple of months time with me in my 3rd yr.. personally, when i thought of how i'm gonna start uni and with what kind attitude for next yr, i possibly can say i just feel not ready yet.. i'd even slip the thought of having to enroll for courses.. i so lacked the info that i even didn't know what courses to choose and when to register them.. even my batchmates had already done their job.. bad huh.. things only got a bit better when i contacted a senior..

i plan to take 5 courses instead of the usual 4.. with livie's consultation, i have these to choose.. biomedical anatomy, biomedical pharmacology, cardiovascular science, intro to pathology, psychopathology and neuroscience.. i'd just want to test my capability and take the challenge so i could actually visualise and have a rough idea of the kind of life in medical school.. i dun take courses for the sake of passing exams or coz it might be easier.. i take them for interest and in the hope that it would benefit me in my career..

in the chat with livie, she helped me thru the courses and also a part in applying for accommodation.. sad to say recently i also had a slight anxiety to think abt living out.. living frm a place with ppl whom i knew.. to a place totally occupied by strangers.. i could be positive to think i'd have good housemates which so far.. living with liyah in bluehouse was the most memorable though it was only for a few weeks.. but the thing is finding a single-room acc by itself wud doubt tat i'd even have a place to stay for next yr..!

another issue popped out once she qn.. "how have you been with the guys?" this strucked me really with sudden thoughts and feels.. i haven't been keeping in touch with them.. smetmes i just dun even put them in my mind.. i've already found my life.. i depicted the times when i had to struggle along with them coz of our different ways.. i guess it's normal to find those whom you'd just get along well with and just stick to them.. those who'd appreciate you better.. even as for one, i could just feel the same way.. maybe nature doesn't mean us to be close frens but i just feel the pity.. coz we had good times together.. s^^

on the positive side.. glad that i've found ppl.. as the reason why i still could cont on to be myself.. my close frens.. :) recalling back my prediction, jantyt.. (it was posted back b4) tyt, my buddies.. yes, i wasn't wrong.. they are still as great.. as for the girls, a^ wasn't much for seen.. i had to admit j^ and n^ are still as sincere as ever.. i plan to take l^ back.. anticipating good news.. would you agree for us to work on it..?

t is still one of my closest.. yet we are different.. we think differently.. thoughts and opinions do not come along our way; it is sincerity and frenship that brought us together.. we'd try our best to enjoy and laugh to the fullest in our circle of frenship.. we'd forgive for any unpleasancies or faults we might have done to the other side.. just that the difference is what makes it somehow disappointing..

i'd smetmes think he's too farfetched especially the way he thinks.. we're indeed similar in a way.. we own a very powerful mind.. just the difference is the things we put into our mind.. maybe coz he's into business and i'm more into healthcare.. we have our own way of thoughts.. our own principles.. that's what makes us unique.. but what i can say abt him is.. he's a guy with great inner strength and charisma.. always, he'd keep his cool despite for any problems.. rarely, i'd hear him grumble.. just this christmas, it was emotional for him.. so tat nite, i took him to church..

i was ready to pray for him.. but to our disappointment, as we reached, both churches were closed.. he insisted to pray alone.. after that, i could see tears welled up in his eyes.. i retained my confidence.. i knew somehow we still could pray in the house of God.. i recalled there was a small garden by the church, where the statue of virgin Mary and several angels lie.. the place was lively.. i tried again.. praise Lord.. Holy Spirit answered.. a door opened.. it led us to the fountain of hope.. lighten by candles, the place depicts the memory of one of the great apostles.. apostle judea..

with the Holy Spirit, i questioned his prayer points.. first time, i leaded a prayer.. there wasn't much feel with just the two of us praying.. but the emotions were enough to give a wake-up call to God.. praise God.. after the prayer points were said, he felt much better..

i thought of helping more ppl now.. even anyone.. including my family.. i just want to share the gospel.. share the good news of God and i make myself clear.. it's not abt spreading religion but it's to share the goodness of what God can offer..

i linked back to the times when my brothers in judah were praying for me.. there was so much warmth.. i just felt touched knowing not only God was there for me, but they as well.. during the times when i fell, they'd give company and lift my spirit up.. mt. cootha didn't help me.. but it was their heart that did the thing..

speaking thru, i do have anxiety returning back.. yes.. to face sister.. though i know my reason and urge for Him, i'd still feel different.. i just hope one day, as God is always hopeful, good times will come again.. i shall forgive the hurt and she shall forgive my foolishness.. time has allowed me to see the feelings for her have lessen.. i just hope we'd be frens again..

as personality favours, i still cont to maintain frenships.. and despite some well-less displays, i'll still maintain anyway.. so bz tat i forgot to reply mails to certain ppl.. should i wish thomas a happy 20th b'day? :) let me improve myself.. the new year, the new month should not be wasted.. read more books peleese.. sing more.. :p i just realised i haven been living a healthy lifestyle.. should simplicity do the job.. does tat mean a simple life means a joyful life?

story of x'mas will be posted soon.. a story abt the cherishing moments of christmas.. celebrated by a new christian.. ;) before i end, i'll leave part of nicole's msg to show her joy for christmas.. enjoy everyone.. may all have an advanced new year with resolutions and hopes.. - keith

^^that day i bake a yule log cake, which u might have seen before or hear before, a christmas cake that look like a log^^ cause in the past the tradition was that people bring a log home and sprinkle it with spirit, then let it burn for a few days over christmas and hopefully can last till the new year. the cake is made of swiss roll, then put on chocolate icing and shape it into a log. Then made some mushroom meringue, which r made up of egg whites and icing sugar, bake them and form into shape of mushroom, then decorate the cake hehehe....

now we're stuffing in the turkey and chicken with onions, bacon, butter, herbs and salt. The turkey is a big turkey, that is around 4.5 kg. there's is also a gammon joint, which is the salted pork. Roast potatoes, roast beef, roast pork, some meat balls, sausages. Another house of friends which will be coming later roast some other vegetables^^