a new yr~

earlier i blogged.. i wrote wonderful things.. yet naive things.. things tat i wanna improve.. the new yr resolutions ahead of me tat i ought to maintain.. i still think all those are meant for my view yet again.. somehow like a journal more likely.. maybe i'll just cut a part for this post's intro and not to reveal the rest which are rather more of my personals.. ok.. just dun make this post strange as a new yr post.. ><

happy new year.. 2006~ let us be happy as it is stated.. let us fulfill all those new year resolutions in plan.. keep the old ones, create new ones and maintain them.. let us hope for a fresh start.. a year where we can do the best things in life.. where we'll improve ourselves in any way we want.. and most imprtnt live life to its fullest for the year.. could this be expressive or just mere description of joy, it's all up to my choice.. i can choose to decorate.. to design this post as it is.. be it this way or that.. (everything after this is just mere complicacy.. it'll just drive u mad once u read it.. u'd even find it hard to get the grasp of it.. i myself dunno why i'm this complicated.. lol :p)

oh yea.. correction.. st. judith beth.. smethn.. is the name of the apostle.. not judea.. i just recalled judea is a place and the fountain is called fountain of Mary.. not fountain of hope.. dunno where i get all these names frm.. lolz.. these days have yet been crazy.. n yea.. adventurous as to say.. the buddies again.. 'tyt'.. never'd i had the greatest laugh which can be torturing at times.. :p new yr eve wasn't much of a celeb sad to say.. it was more of spiritual.. a one-hr prayer at church.. and a 5-min one just b4 the clock strucked 12.. i just received 3 new-yr msges.. lol.. yes 'jln'.. as expected.. not nicole of coz.. an addition jess..

i know its new yr.. even more it's holiday.. i'm supposed to be joyous.. i admit these days, i haven't been too good.. i've been moody.. and i know y.. i really know the reason y.. it's off-contact.. i was very wrong.. n i know things wouldn't change unless i do smethn to solve it.. if not i dun think i'll live a very good life.. for now or soon..

i'd almost change myself.. being a type who doesn't bother.. who would not bother abt the sake of goodness.. so many things tat have led me down even for how much i've tried to be good.. fuff.. for the sake of all that's instill in my personality.. heh.. i'd almost wanna give up and just be bad.. so many surroundings would favor.. the harsh world would encourage complacency, ignorance, prejudice, conflicts, arguments and just selfish ways.. heh.. i'd almost wanna give up..

but in the end, i just tell myself.. goodness is what's worth anything.. you can only live a good life if you be good.. i'd say to myself why i was living a good life for the last semester was coz of my good way of thought.. my good way of dealing with ppl and of all sort.. my motivation to be like this wud only come frm my family and shee mei.. no one wud comment nor feedback on it.. but i know.. as for another motivational point.. that they'll know me for what i do in their hearts.. then am i suitable to be a doctor? a kind-hearted dr.. lolz..

lizzy touched me.. in fact, she motivated me to go on with sincerity.. so much to say.. i'd almost wanted give up in tat part.. frankly, i appreciate her.. as knowing her as a life savior and mei mei.. in fact, i'd even want to try hard on our frenship again.. but smehow, i just dunno how and when to start or even why.. is it coz of the nothingness in terms of feeling or is it coz for the past that i'd give way.. to try again.. nevertheless i'd refer to myself back again.. what else is greater than the first word in the paragraph.. sincerity..

as for the future.. back in aussie.. yet another to resolve.. the main prob where feelings are involved.. as to say.. i know why i've been this way.. the anxiety.. i'd worry abt getting back.. if i employ goodness of thought, should i do something.. then if it's the other, i'd just leave it and face my adversaries with the most egoistic and bastardy face.. haha.. i'd even think how i could act to be like this.. lol.. swait zin.. go with it.. go with goodness.. u'll need it.. you just know the lamest is yet the best way..

i used lizzy's off-contact way but in fact i didn't realise it was the getting back that healed me off the devil.. angelene.. bear with me.. u just know we need the frenship back.. we still have lots to go forth to grow with Him.. how'd u bear to see these things happen and going on like this.. i think i'd enough.. plse know what's best.. you're indeed a great fren..

i think i'll just have to do my stuff.. if things can't be the way they are.. as pace of grace(book) say.. leave all detrimental relationships.. it's better huh to try.. unless if you know things can't be changed then ter's nothing you can do..

last.. some ppl blog for fun.. some do write things and treat blog as a daily life journal.. some'd write abt their career or abt things they pursue in.. as for me, i write for the sake of expressing.. blogger would give me the chance to let me out the things tat i'd just feel not right abt.. things that are meant for expression.. as for medical school, i know i'll have more to write abt.. the things that i'd face and experience.. and yet thinking how weird this post can be as a new yr post, i'd just say i write according to my present feelings on that spot..

cheers everyone.. have a great new yr.. i might not publish the x'mas story.. it's cool but kinda long.. let's see.. may God bless all.. ciao~